is it possible to unfollow someone to death

How come nobody told me about this show TASKMASTER?? tee hee i’m just goofin around, people tell me about it every half hour or so

I’m always pleasantly surprised when Jack White does an anti-MAGA tirade because you’d figure he’d be the type of guy who only talks to his collection of dead bluesmen’s hands and not even know who the president is.

the words that make up the title THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU are unpleasant and the order in which those words appear is upsetting

new boards of canada, new massive attack, new tom waits, flat out weeping over here

My zesty maritime fantasy noir CHOKEVILLE is now available as an ebook and audiobook. If you’re looking for a wild adventure to take your mind off the stupid real world then look no further, chum. www.fireland.com

the NIN show at coachella was intense! ha ha just playing around, this is a fun place for friendly jokes

when did we all start saying “deep clean” you’re not impressing anyone gretchen grow up

the offspring of aubrey plaza and christopher abbott is going to be a True Freak, one of the greats

surely someone out there wants to be, as chris rock put it, the biggest star in the history of jail

probably not a good time to get into how my novel is in third person limited though once in a while the omniscient narrator shifts to first person because it has an opinion on something (and everything is in present tense except for flashbacks)

Top 3 Easter Memories 1) Nana ruins church with her smells 2) Dad makes a merkin out of fake grass and fires a gun 3) That’s it

i keep Faking It but have yet to Make It

They were playing that Enigma song in the grocery store. I gently caressed a peach, its flesh giving ever so slightly under my trembling thumb.

i am a machine that produces an endless supply of fingernails

I just successfully folded a fitted sheet but it ended up summoning Pinhead and his pals!! This is a terrific post that makes sense.

“josh, anything to add?” [performs entirety of Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush] “uh i think you’re on mute” “oh whoops how about now” “we hear you now” [performs entirety of Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush]

YOU: omg please read one book any book ME: ok fine [reads ROBO-STAMOS RIDES THE WERE-MILF written by me] well that was terrible advice

I am older than the expression “24/7”. We didn’t say that when I was a kid. We weren’t entirely sure how many hours/days there were back then.

this nutty old world can’t get me down, not when i can blast this banger and stare dead-eyed at the floor for 10+ hours!! youtu.be/gwX6PAWqYsA?...

HR just canceled Chest Hair Tuesdays no warning no nothing

There was this woman who had the ability to instantly kill every single life form on the planet. She never used it, but the knowledge that she could gave her a kind of swagger that we all found very alluring.

“Oh my gosh Billy Corgan that’s the most beautiful song you ever wrote! What’s it called?” “Mayonaise.” “Uh. Cool. Interesting. Spelled the normal way, I assume.” “Nope.”

Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day by doing the same thing I do every day: Midori shots until I hurl festive green and blasting Orinoco Flow by Eithne Pádraigín Ní Bhraonáin

MY PROMISE TO YOU: My novel is 80,000 words and not one of them is “smirk”

oh you have a paywall? joke’s on you because i only like reading the first paragraph of things, that’s where all the “content juice” is

An unbiased third party who is definitely not married to me made these HYPE NOTES for my novel CHOKEVILLE which you can get over at fireland.com

@fireland.com is one of the original online smartalecks from the days when the Internet was something shiny and surprising and filled with promise and not yet a doom-blasted hellscape. He's just issued his fantastically gonzo novel "Chokeville" as an ebook/audiobook. Instantly ordered. fireland.com

“Chokeville” was the best thing I read in 2023–2025 when it was serialized, and the best thing I re-read in 2025 when it was on the website, and I expect it to be the best thing I listen to in 2026 as an audio book. I really love “Chokeville.” You will, too. https://fireland.com

YES I'm sure I want to buy an unabridged audio book version of @fireland.com's"Chokeville" are you KIDDING ME? This is the best book I've read in a long long long time, and a 9-hour audio version is going to go down smooth on my long runs. Go to fireland.com right now btw and buy a copy!

I think we all remember the first time a girl made us listen to all of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness before not making out

Since there are no longer any consequences for anything I’m just gonna go ahead and say I think the opening riff of Sweet Child o’ Mine is corny

I love Bushmiller’s “lazy” faces, they’re like “have you ever really *thought* about brooms man”

Did I watch the NUCM trilogy backwards so it would show up in the correct order on my Letterboxd? No. Did they, much like the Fast/Furious movies they emulate, get better with each sequel? Yes. Am I ever happy to see Jesse Eisenberg? No. Are magic tricks impressive when shown in a movie, a medium th

Why is there a piñata in the den that looks like me? And why was it filled with printouts from my poetry blog and then beaten with a rake?

elf on the shelf bursts out of my chest, sprays delighted kids with gore, shrieks, skitters off the dining room table

Listen, I saw a scary spider and I—let me finish—I didn't DROP the baby I USED the baby to kill the scary spider

@consumertc.bsky.social I just remembered my grandparents had one of these playsets at their house in the 70s, for some reason. Is this unusual or do you have like a dozen of them in your garage?

I like Paul Dano just fine but every time he shows up in a movie I’m like “welp this isn’t going to end well”

When someone says “I love you” I like to respond with “love you more” because that means I win the relationship.

hoopla.com in 2001 https://web.archive.org/web/20011217111114if_/http://hoopla.com:80/advent

my personal motto is “[quiet sigh] why did i read that”

(i remove my own gall bladder with a spork) this day is NUTS! (i see a pug) sheesh what next?? (i reconcile with my father) whaaa

my son it’s time you learned how to prepare the cuisine of your ancestors [gently wraps slice of baloney around frozen taquito] now we wait

My “I did not use AI to write this” writing style is becoming increasingly unhinged, just an absolute horrorshow of fragments and run-ons, experimental punctuation, batshit neologisms, work emails like finnegans wake over here

i like to think i’m a pretty open minded person but one thing i will NEVER understand is welsh

kids today are always like “oh you like the Keanu Reeves action thriller film John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019)? i wasn’t even born when that came out lol” fuck you mackenzie