every day my girlfriend makes me stray further from god's light. today i woke up at 8am and now i'm making breakfast like a normie...

in hindsight the litmus test I should have used for relationships in the past was "do I like this person as much as I liked warcraft 3 custom maps"

you're telling me a byzantine general acquired this lock?

okay so your girlfriend physically holding your head still while she pours alcohol into your mouth is, in fact, pretty hot actually

gabby: you'll really always love me even though i'm everything you ever wanted? me: yes, even though you satisfy my every desire and brighten every day with your presence i will still always love you

quick management tutorial! when talking to your reports make sure to say things like: "FIX IT NOW" "i don't think this should take so long" "i've added you to the meeting" "can't you just work late today" "this doesn't seem that complicated" "this has to be done by friday" "make a ticket for this"

this is my theory too

make sure to positively condition your domme by rewarding them with treats (such as a durian smoothie) whenever they really fuck you up good

the game is called "melee" yet you play a ranged character. curious

gabby literally did this to me

The Lord of the Rings is a story primarily about the least interesting character in its setting, which makes it an anime. In this essay, I will—

gabby energy

my girlfriend is forceweebing me.

my girlfriend has now begun cultivating my, quote, "hot stoner girl next door" aesthetic

the hottest thing in a tpe relationship is when they really won't take no for an answer

gabby really picked warlock, then picked demonology because she wants her pets to do things for her...

mewwy cwismas

"hi, yeah, i'm interested but is this dick cross contaminated? i can't have gluten"

The enduring popularity of Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" can be attributed to the submissive desire of society to be wholly possessed and consumed by a single dominant woman. In this essay I will—

"I'm a switch and will be dommy or subby depending on how the other person reacts" You are not a switch. You are a **sub**. Letting the other person decide for you who you are is 100% sub behavior no matter how dominantly you can act

i'm SO glad i upgraded my chatbot to support DMing me

the ideal social group is a mexican standoff of 3-5 lesbians all of whom might drop each other with hypnosis at any time without warning playing games together

my new year’s resolution is 2560x1440, unfortunately the same as last year’s resolution

one girl's content warning is another girl's browsable tag

paul revere rode to tell the compilers whether the variables were coming by value or by reference

me: *holding pez candy* gabby, sticking her tongue out: i'm like an inverse pez machine

i wonder if the equation group has weekly standups. "yeah, i'm blocked this week until the cia can retrieve a physical copy of the target's firmware from assets in the middle east"

this is so unbelievably fucking stupid I don’t even know what to say

"yeah this is the other member of my polycule" "oh cool, how big is your polycule" "two people total" "oh, i see. but you're like, looking?" "no we're polysaturated"

gf: "as far as i'm concerned *everyone* has a free use tag on them"

what am i up to? oh hypnotizing each other in bed repeatedly. just yuri stuff, y'know

uther: you're not my king yet, boy zoomer: you're not my boy yet, king

gabby

gabby:

gf: you’re really kind to me me: of course i am, i don’t want to be mean to you gf: yeah, but often people are just neutral rather than mean or kind gf: you’re a higher kinded type

Also, take some time to find the good in everything about you, even things that you normally view as "shameful" or "bad" or "negative". Everything about you is worthy of love and is something adorable when viewed in the right light. All of you is "the good parts"

this is literally exactly how the conversation went down; word for word

me: the problem with having a smartbrain is that you learn faster and gooder, but that includes learning from emotional abuse gabby: don't worry sweetheart, we'll fix that. we'll make you a head empty bitch and no abuser will ever hurt you again

i got good morning bites from my girl :3

if someone ever asks you "have you told anyone?" the correct answer regardless of context is ALWAYS "i have set up a dead man's switch which will automatically send this information to hundreds of journalists if i don't check in every twelve hours"

as with lies, the best shitposts are based in truth

i think columbo is my spirit animal actually. we share many traits

my safeword? oh yeah, it's "please pleASE PLEASE STOP OH MY GOD IT HURTS PLEASE STOP"

extremely solid induction technique

Christmas Selene~₊˚ ❆