Thr ll d to dis ov r t is pl ce ut w lki g t e do t is mor ng.

Ok, who was supposed to make the booking for the rapture? Because... (looks out window)... nothing's happening here yet.

What time was the rapture booked for?

I for one am shocked to learn that, despite all this research by Daily Express experts, dementia is still a problem.

Surprise surprise, it turns out it's not all room service and like being on holiday, as the use of the word hotel suggests to those who are too lazy to think and happier to be told who to hate. Well who could have guessed that? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Has he imposed tariffs on Autismia yet?

Really? Really? *Really*. Physician, heal thyself.

Trumpanzees think September 23rd is going to be The Rapture but it turns out it's actually the second coming of Jimmy Kimmel.

Happy birthday to this all-time classic. 'When they say 'which one of you is Bernie McDonagh?', at the same time we point at one another & say 'he is' - & we're both right, so they won't know what to do. Genius!' 'We could just try not getting caught?' 'Well if you insist on being lazy...'

I see the BBC has published an article entitled Is America divided, featuring the views of someone who likes Trump and someone who doesn't. Make room for another Pulitzer, lads, that's out of this world imaginative thinking.

The other day I accidentally ran over the guy from Chumbawumba but luckily he was unhurt.

Just getting a few bits in to fully enjoy the rapture tomorrow.

Ed Davey, "I'm afraid Nigel Farage should be apologising for helping cause this problem in the first place" "Before Brexit we didn't have a small boats problem because we had 27 return agreements with EU countries and we could return people" -Maybe we should call them Farage's Brexit Boats

I might be in with a chance of a leaf raking medal at the Autumn Olympics.

According to Google Translate, this is the Irish language, and Gaelic does not exist as an option.

This towwwwwwn is coming like a ghost town. All the clubs have been closed down. If only someone had sent us a warning that this might be how things worked out. Oh.

American loons reckon the rapture is coming on Tuesday, apparently. I think I know how that works out. youtu.be/LZKLs_xLpts?...

@aiannucci.bsky.social I see Chris Morris at work again.

On this day in 1950, actor Bill Murray, seen here in his best known film Groundhog Day, was born. And again the next day, and the next...

Happy birthday Liam Gallagher.

So that's all good, then.

Ooh, must be sure to watch that.

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/8... The Good Life house is up for sale. No mention of whether a cellarful of pea pod burgundy is included.

I went to the Baltic states 20 years ago & was astonished to discover the repeated occupation horrors they'd endured. Why, after struggling against oppression and for national freedom for so long, join the EU straight away, I asked? 'Because one day Russia will wake up,' I was told. And here we are.

Thank you @divinecomedyhq.bsky.social @banquetrecords.com for a wonderful show tonight. Your money's worth and then some, guaranteed.

They build it all except for the top floor, which they build a few minutes later, drawing a shamrock in the concrete.

That's one name for it, I suppose.

The 'iconic' 18th century. As opposed to the ironic or isotonic 18th century? 🤷‍♀️

'TONIGHT'S HEADLINES...'

Reform and the Telegraph seem OK with the prospect of dealing with the Taliban. The two people they have with the highest level of government experience are Dame Andrea Middlefinger and Mad Nad.

Liar tells lie. Not a news story, BBC. Oh what a surprise, it's by Chris Jolly Japes Mason. Wot larks, eh?

Reform: wouldn't it be great if the army ran everything? And also, let's get rid of those bloody lawyers. There's a name for people and societies who think like this, isn't there? 🤔

'I have literally zero people in my team,' said the finger-giving former education secretary. So you *literally* don't have a team then, do you?

Great to see the Daily Mail website giving coverage to such a refreshing breath of fresh air and helpful new ideas. We can only hope that they give us more of the benefit of his wisdom in years to come. Oh sorry, I mean the BBC.

Presumably you walk down to the end of it with your feet splayed, find it's a dead end, take your hat off, scratch your head, swing your cane and then turn around to come back, before tripping over the raised leg of a man in a bath chair, with a big bushy beard and gout.

So when exactly is Trump expected in Clacton tomorrow? Anyone, anyone... Bueller? Bueller?

Our local venue has got a Shakin' Stevens tribute act on on Saturday, 'telling the story of the rockin' Welsh boy and his rise to chart-topping superstardom'. You have to wonder how many bookings he gets.

ZS: It's not called Your Party. JC: It's *MY* Your Party, not your Your Party. If you want your Your Party, you're welcome to leave my Your Party and set up your own Your Party. ZS: 🎶It's Your Party and I'll stay if I want to... 🎶

FAO LinkedIn users. You might want to put them right on that score.

I see the launch of the Judean People's Front is going terribly well.

Salt on path already? It's still technically summer.

It's ironic watching desperate, despairing Tories flee their devastated homeland and seek asylum on the shores of Reform, where they think they will be given things like hope and possibly an electoral opportunity, only to be greeted with resentment by the locals who don't want them there.

Yeah, you wait for when Trump visits Clacton and makes it a global name. Just... wait.

It's at times like this that I really regret that one of the biggest Facebook Alan Partridge groups shut the other day without explanation. Oh well, over to you instead @accidentalp.bsky.social

This aged spectacularly well, didn't it?

So when exactly is Trump expected in Clacton tomorrow? Anyone, anyone... Bueller? Bueller?

Chimps, a great bunch of lads.

@lordshortcake.bsky.social There but for the grace of God goes any one of us.

Diego Simeone will be taking that in his customary light-hearted way.