Sam Grittner
@samgrittner.bsky.social
š¤ 1466
š„ 188
š 93
C.E.O. of @Hooey (formerly: @Flim-Flam)
https://linktr.ee/samgrittner
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Ask your doctor if the human condition is right for you
over 2 years ago
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āWell, that depends on what the definition of jizz isā - Bill Clinton, testifying about Epstein today
8 days ago
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when all sound stops and all you taste is ash because you start to understand you might not be able to watch the season finale of INDUSTRY live on Sunday, March 26th at 9pm eastern
16 days ago
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Sam Grittner
Cullen
16 days ago
ok its time for the feelings post: folks the show Strip Law comes out tomorrow on Netflix i never thought id get my own thing to show everyone what i think is funny. i spent the last 2.5ish years (along with tons of other creatives to be lauded later) putting my entire being into this show...
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Orgies?! Oh hell no, I donāt even like being in a group chat.
17 days ago
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If you donāt want to be a called a Nazi then stop doing Nazi shit.
about 1 month ago
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Ask your doctor if questions are right for you.
16 days ago
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Sam Grittner
Cullen
2 months ago
"Makin' online jokes done lost it's flavor," he spit into the dying fire. "I think I'm quit." "Maybe it's quit a' you," answered a voice from deep within him. "Maybe" he replied, chewing the last of his beans. In the distance some coyotes gibbered. Almost like laughter. "Maybe"
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Oh hey I adopted a dog last year. This is Rosco and this is my favorite picture of him, just absolutely crashed out after partying for a week straight
16 days ago
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Orgies?! Oh hell no, I donāt even like being in a group chat.
17 days ago
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Itās so cool that Steve Bannon hasnāt faced any consequences for being The Pedophile Rehabilitator. He was besties with Epstein RIGHT BEFORE he went to jail the 2nd time but I still see him being quoted like heās a Serious Person instead of part of the elite cabal heās a card carrying member of
about 1 month ago
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āWho brings a gun to a protest?!ā
about 1 month ago
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If you donāt want to be a called a Nazi then stop doing Nazi shit.
about 1 month ago
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Sam Grittner
The Oregon Trail but instead of fjording a river you throw used car batteries in it. Instead of killing animals for meat you build a data center in the forest. Instead of dying from dysentery you die from smallpox AND dysentery.
5 months ago
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Great news: I finally overcame my imposter syndrome! Bad news: I killed my identical twin.
2 months ago
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LeBron James is French for āthe Bron James.ā
4 months ago
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TRUMP: āThe time has come to send the Mayor of Chicago and the Governor of Illinois to gitmo!ā DEMOCRATS via text message: āTHIS IS NOT NORMAL! Reply with a $25 donation to make your voice heard! We will NOT be afraid! We will NOT shut up! We will NOT do anything beyond convey empty rhetoric!ā
5 months ago
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Sam Grittner
Iām begging all of you: please stop pulling over and asking if I need a ride. Iām giving you a thumbs-up so you know youāre doing a good job driving. Also, yes. I do need a ride.
over 1 year ago
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Mr. Beast is going to win an Emmy for a video called something like, āLAST ORPHAN OUT AT THE MURDER-SUICIDE MANSION!ā
5 months ago
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Is the news leaving you depressed? Does the world make you sad now? Is each day worst than the one before? WELCOME TO HOW IāVE FELT MY ENTIRE LIFE, bitches! Shit sucks, donāt it? Just SMILE!
5 months ago
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The Oregon Trail but instead of fjording a river you throw used car batteries in it. Instead of killing animals for meat you build a data center in the forest. Instead of dying from dysentery you die from smallpox AND dysentery.
5 months ago
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Come see me perform stand-up comedy one last time! Sat. June 21st at the Pine Box Rock Shop in BK. $10, all proceeds going to the Ali Forney Center to help at-risk LGBTQ+ youth. 7pm! Travis is hilarious, Lucy is a comedy genius, plus, me?!
9 months ago
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Sam Grittner
Times are tough right now. I just went to cross a bridge and my local troll only asked me to solve his riddles two.
9 months ago
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Times are tough right now. I just went to cross a bridge and my local troll only asked me to solve his riddles two.
9 months ago
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Happy belated 4/20 + Easter āHe has resin.ā
11 months ago
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Haha! Get him, leopards! Wait⦠no, stop! My face! My beautiful white Anglo face! How could this have happened TO ME?!
add a skeleton here at some point
11 months ago
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Theyāre really doing it⦠De-Ba'athification for old folks. You know whoās ready to strap on a vest because the government says no more money for you? 90-year-olds.
11 months ago
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Sam Grittner
All the wrong people hate themselves.
11 months ago
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Sam Grittner
If someone owns⦠0-5 snakes, they also sell weed. 6-10 snakes, they also sell molly. 11-20 snakes, they also sell swords and ketamine. 20-40 snakes, they also sell the good swords and fake social security cards. 50+ snakes, they also sell snakes.
over 1 year ago
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All the wrong people hate themselves.
11 months ago
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Capitalism is socialism but only for the top 1%.
11 months ago
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The leftist Beekeeperās origin story? Iām listeningā¦
11 months ago
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I moved to NYC when I was 25, which means this year is 18 years out here. Iāve always lived with multiple roommates. I currently live with 7 other people. But tomorrow, I move into my own studio apartment in Brooklyn. It is a dream come true. I āwonā it because of the NYC housing lottery. If youā¦
about 1 year ago
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Does anyone want to do brunch or self-immolate this weekend?
about 1 year ago
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HHS Rfk Jr takes his final form
about 1 year ago
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Eat glass. Walk into oncoming traffic. Break your arms and legs. Stop using the steering wheel when you drive. Turn off the lights. Start fires. Stop cutting your hair. Embrace slow gas leaks. Spend your kids college funds on online sports betting. And for the love of God: smoke āem if you got āem.
about 1 year ago
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Still no legs? Interesting...
about 1 year ago
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Check, please!
about 1 year ago
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I lie to make people happy, I waste precious energy resources, I hallucinate all the time⦠when do I get to be AI?
about 1 year ago
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Sam Grittner
pixelatedboat aka āmr blueskyā
about 1 year ago
My relationship with Big wasnāt the only thing I blew up that day. At the Trinity test site I detonated the first plutonium bomb, unleashing a 22 kiloton blast. Had I become Death, destroyer of worlds? Meanwhile uptown, Samantha had her hands full with her own āManhattan projectā
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Yes, the apocalypse is here but how exciting is this? Itās a girl!
about 1 year ago
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I have a normal brain
about 1 year ago
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Sam Grittner
dan mentos
about 1 year ago
my fantasy former US presidents team is in shambles
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Sam Grittner
Viktor Winetrout
over 1 year ago
When I was 8, my best friend stole my boomerang and we got into a big fight. The next day his parents died in a car accident and I never saw him again. Jeff, if youāre reading this, I want my boomerang
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Right before he took the first shot Luigi Mangione whispered, āThis is copayback, bitch.ā
about 1 year ago
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Doctor House? You mean, like, a hospital?
about 1 year ago
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Sam Grittner
jon
about 1 year ago
My youth pastor drops to his knees as I hit him with a simple in and out dribble. God canāt save him now
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āWhat if a whistle was also a piano?ā - the inventor of the harmonica
about 1 year ago
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Technically, itās a āmanifest-ohhhhh!ā
about 1 year ago
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itās time for a womanifesto, right ladies??? š š½š š½š š½š„¹š„¹š„¹
about 1 year ago
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