I fucking HATE Chaucer-core rappers dude, can’t understand a goddamn woerde

Living in Michigan sounds like “hey did you giys see Weapins yet”

SCULLY: So JUST because there’s a magic sleigh on the roof, and now a COUPLE of unexplained presents are under the tree, you think SANTA CLAUS is involved. MULDER: In 1972 a man in Tallahassee saw an elve

Restarting the X-Files this week has been such a good decision

Happy Armistice Day to all the politicians who flipped it to be about supporting forever war instead of remembering that dying in mud holes is bad/preventable

LOGGING ON

The more I’m forced to think about AI, the more I think about the bear from Annihilation. No reason!!

Is this mutation still considered Raisin Bran crunch or am I looking at a new species

Had a meet up with a friend last night where he told me we’ve drifted apart because he’s making choices to avoid negative headspaces. So that’s ANOTHER thing that sucked about yesterday

Excited for Nancy Pelosi and her next career as a Skyrim draugr

Lay’s just did a rebrand because 40-something percent of surveyed customers didn’t know their product was made from potatoes. Advertisers on LinkedIn go nuts, wow, way to clear brand misconceptions. When have we sanded the corners too far down? When is life too effortless?

How likely am I to recommend our HR software to someone? negative zero

Who could’ve predicted a 6th heart attack

Realizing it’s my fault for pendulum swinging from “idc if the Lions win” to “every loss represents my personal shortcomings”

It Is A Lot More Fun When The Lions Win

I’m trying to be mindful about my diet/activity level lately but there’s an alternate, fun version of today in which I’m balls deep in half off Halloween candy deals

I don’t know Jewish folk history as well as I should, which is why I’m asking this question in earnest: does Robocop qualify as a golem

If we still have movies in 10 years, Cillian Murphy is getting another Oscar for this

Great now they added SHADING to the BUTTERFLY logo insinuating SOFT ROUNDNESS and I have to be HORNY about it

hbd ct

Weird for a main premise of a large report with a bunch of famous contributors to be easily debunked with some simple googling

Unsurprised to hear this is my home county. Genuinely hard to tell when someone around there is playing dumb about being evil, or is genuinely that dumb

Mmm yes, that natural right to left motion

Another shameless round of drumming up bike polo people here- had a kickass time making these costumes for Hallowmeme 9 and playing in wet cardboard all weekend!

Either Platner 1. really didn’t know that tattoo was THE nazi skull & bones insignia all this time, 2. knew when he got it, or 3. found out at some point in the last 20 years and doesn’t care enough to get a cover up. I find 1 a little hard to believe and suspect 3, which is fully unacceptable

future grandchild: like shit, from an ass? me in 30 years: Swear to God. Then he demolished the White House

Ok ok now let’s see a Mia Goth with one really big eyebrow

Kristi Noem 🤝 Kristi Gnome well-known pointy hats

My favorite scene in Tarantino’s Dracula is where we watch Mina Harker smoke an entire cigarette in the garden before Vlad finally shows up, then he can only kvetch about the missing fuckin’ mud boxes while she bastes him with nasty, animalistic kisses

The most annoying guy you know is about to be out 200 bucks

Cam Newton is on TV with a crocodile Dundee hat and a Cosby sweater and toddler glasses and you’re gonna tell me my jeans are cut wrong? Fuck outta here

Lovecraft: an unimaginable horror, to begin to comprehend the visage would sink the viewer into madness Everyone: so a guy with an octopus head Everyone else: oh yeah absolutely

The Iowa state government should not have a say about what happens in the bedroom between two cornscented adults

After a friend’s wedding this weekend, and after a fair amount of booze and desserts, I politely decline my company’s offer of 8 hours of work to complete today. No further statement at this time, thank you

Goddamnit, Chiefs fans are about to rise from the grave and become annoying again

LEGO stands for Liver Expediently Giving Out and that’s what inspired all the yellowing skin

Bro I’m procrastinating so hard I’m here posting

It’s fucked up that Starfield wasn’t fun somehow

I want to play board games and listen to records and drink 3 spagetts. Alone or with friends idc

Hoarding the neighborhood walnuts to rub on my numerous furniture scratches

Why isn’t there ever an op-ed titled The Case for Me Shutting My Pie Hole

My favorite part of Alien: Earth is easily the fact that every episode end credits song is a certified 90s/00s banger

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

Are you “force environmental serenity as an attempt at balance” ADHD or “seek constant overstimulation so everything cancels out” ADHD

bro you look like you drop common items

Not that it matters from this range but I’m a fuckin surgeon with this air fryer

Assassin who writes Taco Bell sauce packet gags on bullet casings

A me from 10 years ago would wake up my desktop pc and tell the maga hats on Facebook that government control of corporations is literally communism. A me from 5 years ago would pig wrestle bad faith morons in the comments. Me today is just gonna watch tv

The only things keeping me going are J funk fusion and self hatred through chess

If civility is what they’re defending now, it’s my time to act (I stand up off the couch revealing that the pasta sauce stain on my chin extends down across most of my shirt and pants)