In 6 months we’ll find out Eric Adams was having an affair with a rat-king.

It’s going to be a huge scandal when it comes out that ChatGPT, Claude, and Grok are secretly using AI to answer your questions

He was elected thanks to microplastics so it makes sense he’d decorate with macroplastics

“I am become Poop, destroyer of bowls.” Me during colonoscopy prep

🚨BREAKING: Pennsylvania Supreme Court RULES that election officials violated voter’s rights by rejecting mail-in ballots with technical errors without notifying voters. Voters must be given notice their ballots won’t count so they can challenge the disqualification or cast a provisional ballot.

The Amish all got Raptured today but we haven’t found out because they didn’t have phones to record it on

I’m just glad social media didn’t exist when the Heaven’s Gate cult was around, though Nike would’ve had a real killer 1997

Thanks to Trump, shows never run out of material. They run out of show.

First they came for Colbert And I did not speak out Because I watched Gutfeld. Then they came for Kimmel And I did not speak out Because I listened to Rogan. Then the outrage-mongers could no longer fake being upset Because there was no one left.

One way to get people to stop calling you fascist is to make sure they can’t call you anything at all

When freedom is under fire you can count on me to ramble and mutter incoherently.

It’s called the First Amendment because it’s the first one they’re going to take away

This is a massive, history making abuse of your power. It will define your legacy and one day you will come to regret punishing free speech and trying to destroy democracy.

If you’re reporting on Kimmel, point out that this is yet another instance of Trump’s FCC toady Brendan Carr applying quid-pro-quo pressure to a company seeking an acquisition, in this case Nexstar’s $6.2 billion bid for a rival that requires his approval: www.newscaststudio.com/2025/08/22/n...

Y'know that Guardian article which cited an anonymous friend of Tyler Robinson claiming he was the only "leftist" in his family? It just got updated after the "verified source" decided he couldn't remember his "relationship" with the accused shooter well enough to be quoted

People are claiming this letter is proof that Trump and Epstein engaged in illicit underage activities together, but clearly the “wonderful secret” is their shared love of Star Wars cantina character Momaw Nadon, as evidenced by his crude fan art.

Making a festival film that’s just 120 minutes of an audience standing and clapping with the goal of getting a 135-minute standing ovation

“The reports of my death are greatly appreciated.”

“The reports of my death are greatly appreciated.”

“Yes, Ursula, I’m VERY serious about my wish.”

Not the first time a mob boss paved over something to bury secrets

Can’t stop thinking about how Cuomo looks like if the Thing went on Ozempic

Can’t believe this is the letter Trump sent Epstein on his birthday:

Does this mean I filled out my ballot incorrectly?

Max Headroom's grandson.

No AIs were harmed in the making of this parody of AI entertainment. Watch Episode 2 of “the world’s first AI late night show” for a topical/digital monologue: www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8rXnP2g/

Max Headroom is reborn! 😀

Every time you laugh at the world’s first AI late night show, you waste a gallon of water. (It’s worth it.)

AI is coming for the late night jobs!!! www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8rPLruL/

“You’re a bunch of indoctrinated NPCs who can’t even think for yourselves… Grok, is that right?”

why is the president the only person testing the limits of his power? everyone should see what they can get away with. what if zookeepers gave helicopters to gorillas? nobody has tried this

The German word for “they were just as bad as we told you’d they be” is “Nazi”

I want to live *non*-vicariously through someone. Just walk through their torso and go about my day as they shriek in horror.

More food for thought: Trump’s last BFF who turned on him ended up “hanging himself” in prison

Waiting to have a root canal and the receptionist is answering unsettling questions about “donor bone” on the phone: “Oh, no, I don’t think they’ve ever used cow bone. I’m pretty sure they haven’t.”

America now has both the pope and the antichrist

And you thought the left was censorious. How about actual censoring?

The Lyin’ King’s second term

Summary of Trump’s second term: He took a number 2 all over America

The one time Trump can legitimately claim he doesn’t see color:

It takes the Pope dying to get this motherfucker to go to church

This administration only believes in the suffocation of powers

“Fake it till you break it.” -Trump

Really need journalists to push back on this bullshit. When they say this, just ask them point blank: "Are you saying that because one Latino man committed a murder, another Latino man deserves a life sentence? Do you think all Latino men interchangeable?"

You’ll know the Vatican is going to elect a conservative pope if they start calling the smoke “rolling coal”

Trump announces 100% tariff on Vatican City for all new popes

The Trump-Supreme Court battle is not really the crisis. The crisis is here now. Trump is enacting an insidious coordinated attack on our institutions of democratic accountability, designed to crater democracy before next fall. 1/ A long 🧵to explain the plan & how we stop it.

“I was just following odors.” -Trump’s cabinet members

Disappointed that Bezos sent a singer to defy gravity and hold space and it wasn’t one of these two

Not sure how I feel about that guy, but I'll be there.