Was surprised by Matthew McConaughey’s vocabulary, particularly his use of the term “mendacious” until I heard him use it again in two subsequent interviews. My man is stuck on mendacious.

Two nights ago I realized I was dreaming and could control everything about my environment, but it still took me several attempts before I managed to fly

If you don’t have a full Allen wrench set, you haven’t known trouble

When I replace the toilet paper in the bathroom only I use before it runs out

fishtopher walken

Girl, is your name Expelliarmus? Cause you have disarming charm…

When I drink, good things happen. For instance, I was badly hungover a few years ago, and an old friend came over to take care of me. It was miserable. A few days later, he met a woman. They’re getting married next month. I tipped the cosmic scales in his favor. I’m a hero, of sorts.

Feverishly searching for any minor setback in my life that I can turn into a self-aggrandizing post on LinkedIn

When I ask, “Got any loosies?” I’m asking if you have any loose extra strength lactaid pills on your person

Austin Nextdoor is so wild

The swat police called, I’m headed to the station to turn myself in

Rented a book about private equity from the public library, I’m ngmi

Know I’m getting old because I go to bed earlier on the weekend than during the week

Bluesky reminds me a lot of Barton Springs. There’s a surprising mix of naked people and wholesome interactions between strangers

I have so thoroughly ruined my bluesky timeline by following anyone with a pulse that I fear I’ve dug a hole from which I may never return

Planning to tie one on tonight and just might get to skeetin

Just walked by a crazy-eyed college kid in downtown Austin who was desperately asking her friend, “How many did I take?”

Proof that adding “geo” to something doesn’t always make it better

When we start running out of potable water, almonds will become a rare delicacy sold in little tins and they’ll be marketed as, “tree caviar”

Only thing I’m measuring out in milligrams is melatonin, son

I can’t see my likes, but could someone who understood how to query the protocol see them? How does this work.

I don’t understand the protocol, but I hope there’s an immutable ledger of all our garbage takes that lives forever like preserved scat in digital amber

A big piece of my teenage self died today when I finally relented and voluntarily set nudity to “hide”

My Kirkland Siggy Unc 3000s came in the mail today 😤

Shocked and horrified to learn I’m not the first person to talk about synthetic aperture radar on here

Budget airlines are more fun because people clap when you land

Hung out with some friends from college last night and the topic of SpaceX/Starship came up and I was shocked that they were all under the impression it was a big embarrassing failure

Bachelor party this weekend - gonna get wild (might have a few big beers at the baseball game)

When they hire content moderators they should call them “skeet patrol” ⛑️

pew pew pew

I see the journalists have arrived. We are now making news on here. We’re in the action.

It’s not called “doxxing” on here, it’s called “skeet-tattling”

I’m the skeeter you need, not the one you deserve

While it’s probably healthy to get rejected from something you desire badly, I’m reminded today that it still sucks every time!

You think true talent is being able to dance or paint or play music exquisitely?? Any rube with a lucky roll of the dice can do that. True talent is having no discernible skills and yet somehow still getting attention on here. I’m the Kim Kardashian of bluesky.

Has bluesky had a main character for a day yet?

Super advanced AGI studying its origin 100 years from now

Deep down, I’m a bad person (I love going into an office)

My dermatologist cuts something off me every time I go with a terrifying murmur like “Oh, no, I don’t like the look of that,” and then never calls me with test results. Adds a real zest to my life.

I have one extremely long chest hair - maybe 4 inches long. It’s obscene. It’s an abomination. I love it.

Looking forward to when Bluesky brings this kind of heat

Working my way to 1,000 followers on here the old fashioned way (following 10,000 accounts)

The richest people I knew growing up had a refrigerator that dispensed filtered water and ice…and now that I own one, I fear I’ve reached the mountain top and it’s all downhill from here

It’s pretty easy to develop an eye for bullshit artists in non-technical fields. but it’s harder in the sciences where most of them started off legit and haven’t yet realized themselves that it’s not gonna work

Spending the evening at a mustache convention (indy concert in Austin)

I was put on this app to do two things: kick ass and post 0 like bangers. And brother, I’m all out of ass to kick.

@faineg.bsky.social I got 10 codes, you take 5?

Revving up the weed whacker and dropping my sunglasses into place with a practiced nod of the head while I growl, “It’s a bad day to be a weed…”

Working on the Bluesky equivalent for LinkedIn and calling it Blackhole, who here can code?

@jay.bsky.team any chance I could snag a few invites? There are a few communities I have in mind (OSINT, geospatial, space) and I want to subject them to my banal posts on here