I’ve been worried for the part of my show where I read from my book that I’ll forget my reading glasses. Then my tour manager pointed out my core demographic. Fair point. At any given time there’ll likely be 187 pairs of readers in the room.

Thank you Ludlow for being packed and perfect! Oxford tomorrow - last tickets for 2pm show (7pm sold out): callybeaton.com/live/ 💚🩷🙏🏻

Brain fog at a service station. And yes. I am ON TOUR! callybeaton.com/live/

Here I am in LUDLOW where I’ll be doing my show TONIGHT! Last tickets here: callybeaton.com/live/ 💚🩷🙏🏻

And… we’re off! Fabulous first night at the Radlett Centre. Thank you so much to everyone who came 💚🩷 Last tickets for: WOLVERHAMPTON tonight, Thursday 18th & LUDLOW tomorrow, Friday 19th callybeaton.com/live/ Loving this show and feeling lucky to be on the road with it! Namaste 🙏🏻

I’ve been looking for some vocal advice to help me support my voice during upcoming tour & find myself tonight hosting an awards alongside the original voice of Siri! He has been v generous with his tips - which is odd, as Siri normally ignores me, asks me to repeat the question, then just says: no.

Some podcast news… 🎙️😢 callybeaton.com/podcast/

Home sweet home.

Reasons not to date a comedian.

Me + Barbie + Jeff in a bicycle basket. Dreams do come true.

Come and see @callybeaton.bsky.social in the East of England. Radlett, Cambridge, Norwich, Chelmsford, Luton & Colchester. "One of the funniest comedians that we have ever seen." Star of Live at the Apollo, QI and Richard Osman's House of Games. For tickets go to callybeaton.com/live/

The Dutch sure know how to give a girl a good welcome. 🇳🇱 ❤️

I don’t believe in heaven, but if I did… 🐶 🚲 🇳🇱

Anyone who’s been asking, here’s where I’ll be doing a spot tomorrow Sat 13th in Utrecht: comedyhuis.nl/shows/all-en... 🎤 💥

Over 200 eps into the pod - with guests from Miriam Margolyes to Grayson Perry to Paloma Faith - none has struck a chord like this. Alan Davies talking about his abuse by his father. His last book, Just Ignore Him, where he first wrote about it, will stay with me. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/n...

Jeff took a while to get the hang of Dutch book signings but we got there in the end… 💚🩷🙏🏻

Dutch book tour going better than Jeff’s letting on. 🌷🚲

NIEUWSBERICHT! BULLETIN!🚨Jeff has confirmed he will be at all Dutch book signings this week. (Had to wait for his people to confirm to my people.) Where we’ll be: Vandaag 10 Sept: Den Haag Paagman (Fred) 19:00 Morgen 11 Sept: Amsterdam Scheltema 14:30 Utrecht Broese 18:00 callybeaton.com/live/

Bike + coffee + water. Must be Amsterdam 🇳🇱 ❤️

I don’t speak dog but on arrival in Amsterdam he tucked himself into bed with a face like this. I’m going long day/feels at home, rather than fury/disdain.

Road trip - from London to Amsterdam 🇳🇱

From Gen X to Gen Z, with love.

Nice to be in today’s @fd.nl supplement 🇳🇱 I’ll be back in my favourite Netherlands soon! Reminder of next book signings: 10 Sept: Den Haag Paagman (Fred) 19:00 11 Sept: Amsterdam Scheltema 14:30 Utrecht Broese 18:00 callybeaton.com/live/

Homemade granola pot for £8.50. If ingredients include four pound coins, I’m in.

See you on tour! September dates: 17th Radlett 18th Wolverhampton 19th Ludlow 21st Oxford (extra matinee performance added due to demand!) 26th Deal 28th Cambridge Click here for tickets for all dates through to spring 2026: callybeaton.com/live/ 💚🩷🙏🏻

An actual method that helped me fall back asleep in the early hours…

Don’t mean to flaunt my breathtaking view, but…

Whenever I get to a hotel and they don’t trust me not to steal the coathangers I feel affronted. And minded to steal something else. Like a chair. Or the wardrobe.

This time next week it’ll all be happening! So if you’re in Amsterdam, Utrecht, Den Haag or thereabouts on 10/11 September, come along for a book and a chat: callybeaton.com/live/ 🇳🇱 ❤️

London.

Zookeeper son showing me pictures from his latest animal travels on his iPhone - holding it far enough away for me to see. Me saying well done for catering to midlife eyesight. Him saying he’s used to looking after old creatures.

Jeff.

I’m ON TOUR! 2025 and 2026 dates selling fast. Tickets via my website: callybeaton.com/live/ PS It’s NOT AS BORING AS JEFF SAYS 🐾 🤩

I’ve been trolled for the first time on LinkedIn. I was also recently asked out on LinkedIn. Not sure which is worse. (Wasn’t the same person.)

Invisible women of the world unite, shine bright and keep up the good fight.

Happy Place Festival with my publicist who is nothing if not committed to the cause 💚🩷🙏🏻

Not a natural redhead? 🧡

Jeff. As my son said yesterday: ‘The only member of the family who can eat fox shit and still be loved’. Well, yes.

The truth about men telling women we’re not telling the truth.

Something in the air today. Feeling less have-it-all-can-do power woman, more… this.

Dear people of the Netherlands. I will be back in a couple of weeks doing some book signings in Den Haag, Amsterdam and Utrecht on 10/11 September. Hopelijk tot ziens! Details here: callybeaton.com/live/ 💚🩷🙏🏻

Two blokes behind me on flight back from Amsterdam taking the piss out of Dutch pilot’s accent and talking about what larks they’d had at an asylum hotel protest - literally used phrase: ‘taking our jobs’. Don’t think the heart surgeons and classical pianists are taking your jobs. Call it a hunch.

Bye bye, glorious Netherlands. Tot de volgende keer.

A very Dutch welcome to the Netherlands.

Today my baby boy turned the same age I was when I had him. Lucky animals to have you in their lives everyday & lucky world that you came into it 28 years ago. Loved you that very first second, & have loved you every second since. Happy birthday, favourite son. Love from your proud (& soppy) Mum.

From Utrecht with love. 🇳🇱

It’s a wrap. Nine years after my first time performing at the Edinburgh Fringe - scrabbling around to get audiences in double figures, or indeed audiences at all - it’s a massive privilege to be playing to packed rooms. I’m taking nothing for granted, just saying thank you. Now for the tour! 💚🩷🙏🏻

How do comedians write material? Here’s how.

First night of tour last night & I’m so happy. Thank you Edinburgh! Proud of this show - together with the book it’s been my life’s work for the last 18 months & it’s a thrill to see it come to life. 2nd Edinburgh show tonight & tickets for rest of tour selling fast. Come? callybeaton.com/live/ 💚🩷🙏🏻

Biggest mistake made by women over 50…