The Lions are one of those teams that feels like a deep and prolific offense and then ARSB gets hurt and Goff gets pressured and you’re like oh, right, they might not score 10 today

Jordan Love being at 15 TD/3 INT through 12 weeks is the mark of a football-hating coward’s offense

Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...

I live on a *good* coast, where kickoff is 10 a.m.

Anthony Rendon is an icon. The absolute best “good work if you can get it” this side of Chris Davis

Read the room man

I don’t care if still having a Facebook makes me old. I’ll never leave Marketplace

The New York Times is never going to recapture the magic of Wordle.

Today’s xkcd made me cry. In a good way. xkcd.com/3172/

Just finished The Wager, by David Grann. Confirms some priors (the ocean is dangerous; British imperialists are assholes, namely), but also just astonishing and dogged historical archiving and nonfiction writing. Pretty incredible story. Wouldn’t be shocked if it’s someone’s screenplay before long

Nobody is ready for the funniest possible outcome: What if Max Brosmer is even worse, and even more annoying

JJ McCarthy has way too much shit going on for being as bad as he is at football. The war paint, the broccoli cut, the nickname. The NFL should make it be like the 2K games where you have to reach a certain skill level to unlock cosmetics

“Other-than-that-Mrs.-Lincoln” first half for the Bucs

Matthew Stafford will be the HOFer with the highest percentage of his yards coming from TE screens

Davante Adams, LA Ram

Jared Goff and Patrick Mahomes combining for fewer points than Caleb Williams >>>>

The Chiefs are the rare fraudulent 5-5 team

The Chiefs don’t get every single flag anymore

This guy literally made a documentary about himself in which he explained that the most important, singular driving force in his career is that he proves he’s tough so that he can spite someone who said he wasn’t when he was like 15 or so. He was never playing today

Ladies and gentlemen: the San Jose Sharks are Not A Complete Embarrassment™️

This time of the sports year is so funny. The peak of the sports chatter right now is a backup quarterback with two last names winning on TNF and then you get a notification that’s also like “oh Tyrese Maxey scored 54 points tonight btw”

Let’s see how ol’ Josh wriggles out of THIS! *Josh Allen easily and immediately makes the craziest play you’ve ever seen* Ah well, nevertheless,

Not a film bro but Woody Marks looks like there’s a big delay when a hole opens up

Sorry for the boomer take but the Texans’ defense is super fun to watch

Josh Allen just wants to feel 6 years younger. He’s hearkening. Let him hearken

Taylor Rapp in every highlight (derogatory)

VR is an isolating experience that makes you blind and deaf to the people around you, and simulates life at the cost of doing it with anyone else. Brought an Oculus to game night multiple times; it goes untouched. It’s inherently anti-social. No wonder the guy with no friends has spent $100B on it

Has McCarthy ever considered throwing it good instead of bad? It’s a bold idea but it just might work

Howie Long gave Tom Brady’s dog cloner a call

Devastated to realize I am “thinking about downgrading my phone” years old

“Navy Stanley” goes hard as hell

I donated my entire 2024 salary to the Travis Souders fund

I think the word you’re looking for is “kept”

One time when I was like 9 I went to the Biosphere 2 wearing a backwards teal Sharks hat and white cat eye Oakleys, and some dude said “Whoa, Mr. Cool Guy here” walking by, and I’m still slightly more haunted by how lame I probably looked than the fact that an adult would call out a random kid

This was the first “so it goes” in Slaughterhouse Five

I finally have played fantasy long enough to be one of those “the four Dak kneeldowns won my matchup for me” guys

The final two minutes have been replaced by a 100-yard dash between Jerry Jones and Mark Davis

Telling the Raiders the Cowboys have George Pickens now

The Raiders bring a “would prefer not to be here” vibe to the secondary

Disney owns both ESPN and Marvel—and the human resources to generate something creative from the mashup of those two properties—and the best it could come up with is this godawful AI slop

In the league where I have Saquon and I’m going against Hurts, that sucked significant ass

I take no pleasure in reporting that Bo Nix looks related to Bonnie Blue, please don’t google that

49ers “have one single play where someone isn’t injured for the season” challenge (impossible)

The Broncos are not particularly interested in scoring points but they are hellbent on having the ball and not letting you score either. Worst watch in football

Andy Reid to the sideline reporter, red-faced and jogging back to the locker room at halftime: “What do you want, touchdowns? Grow up, grow the fuck up”

“Landman vs. Seahawks” is objectively pretty funny

With the game on the line, the Falcons thought they should cover Tet with a linebacker