Me 5 days after my car payment is due each month, having made my car payment 20 days ago, every single month: oh my God, I forgot to make my car payment! 😨

I like how everyone acknowledges that great players “break” xG and can create goals out of nothing… until Nashville SC’s xG doesn’t line up, then we’re “lucky” and “due to regress”. If you don’t like being slept on, you don’t like Tennessee sports. Good luck sleeping through the parade(s), nerds.

If you give up a hat trick to Luis Suárez in the big 26 you should forfeit the rest of your games. Jesus Christ, Philadelphia, the man can’t walk.

“For those of you watching at home, it is absolutely pouring here.” Not sure what bro thinks “watching” means but yeah, we know.

That’s a perfectly natural javelin-throwing position, no penalty. Oh, wait, that’s not the rule.

Messi is starting to bald really badly. Type III

I remember when I was upset about Miami signing DSC lol

Muted conversations should not have notifications. “AHHHHH RED NUMBER YOU HAVE UNREAD MESSAGES YOU’D BETTER LOOK OR THE NUMBER WILL GROW” - Apple’s idea of a muted conversation

Below is the list of clubs with 33 points through the opening 14 games, with the previous five clubs all winning the Supporters' Shield: 35 – 2001 Miami Fusion 34 – 1998 LA Galaxy 33 – 2026 Nashville SC 33 – 2023 FC Cincinnati 33 – 2010 LA Galaxy 33 – 2000 Kansas City Wizards

The BIG boot-scootin’ boogie into the break with a shakier win than I would have cared for, especially with the unwelcome return of Garyball for the last 15. Whatever! We’re the best team in MLS, at least for the next two months. See y’all in July! (At the stadium. I’ll be here.) #EveryoneN

Is Brian Schwake’s reputation hurting him? That’s like the 5th phantom corner on balls he hasn’t touched this year. Of course, this ref should be selling used cars, so it might be that.

Big cheer as Sam Surridge gets ready to check in.

Jeisson Palacios just embarrassed that man in front of his mama

LET’S GOOOOOO Maxwell Woledzi goes bar down to open his Nashville SC account and we’re deservedly back in front after a long period of heavy pressure in the attacking third.

Who wore it better, Maxwell Woledzi or Olive Oyl?

Diabolical refereeing this half, almost as though the ref is having a hard time determining who the home team is. BJ and the BIG get 15 to figure out how to win 11v14 while we’re serenaded by Nini Music. Speaking of ninny music, what is Saxsquatch up to? #EveryoneN

Malachi Jones keeps grabbing his shoulder. You won the penalty 20 minutes ago you dork, you don’t have to keep lying. #EveryoneN

LET’S GOOOOOO Matt Freese shows his USMNT pedigree by making a totally preventable mistake to concede a corner that Espinoza whips in for a beautiful header by Jeisson Palacios! Jeisson scoring usually portends a big night for the BIG. Let’s see if that holds here. #EveryoneN

We should never, ever, ever wear blue at home ever. Anything bad that happens tonight is because of this. #EveryoneN

Where the hell did Maxwell Woledzi get a ponytail lmao This is like when Drake showed up with braids without ever having an afro

I’m wearing my “Muynícius” jersey tonight so lock Alex Muyl in for a big game now 🧠👈

Last Nashville SC match day of the Apertura, and boy is it ever a doozy as City Financial Group Subsidiary comes to town looking to generate some much-needed shareholder value. Will the BIG dazzle at home once more, or will two beat-up sides go through the motions and the hell out of Dodge?

If you have a 629 number, you’re a tourist.

Life is short, get the Vokeys

Nashville SC mid(ish)season awards who ya got? MVP? Best newcomer? Best moment? Most improved? Whatever other category you wanna make up? Mine (and runner-ups) are Schwake (Hany), Maxwell (Madrigal), “Thank you so much bro 🥺” (Hany’s goal at Azteca), and Yazbek (Acosta).

Trying to legislate the flopping and time-wasting out of soccer is like trying to legislate the oxygen out of water. It can’t be done, and even if you were to somehow succeed, what would be left wouldn’t be water.

DP Rules You can’t just be out there signing whoever like that. 1a. A DP is when you 1b. Okay well listen. A DP is when you designate the 1c. Let me start over 1c-a. A team is allowed to have, uh, three DPs and are prohibited from just, you know, paying whoever whatever. You can’t do that.

Do y’all think these sources for the Casemiro deal are the same sources who reported Tristan Blackmon to Miami was a done deal and then it turned out they were just making stuff up to try and force that over the line?

Your AI girlfriend goes no contact, call that Ghost in the Shell

Back in my day Jelly Roll was called Everlast, and that’s the way we liked it

If Inter Miami fans are upset about the players not respecting them, wait til they hear about literally everyone else.

Massive day for people too stupid or lazy to scroll past the first team on FIFA.

An all-dwarf Manchester City supporters group called the Microplastics

My completely unbiased All-Star Ballot, let me know your thoughts I did think about leaving Nájar [sic], Yazbek, and Surridge off for injury reasons for about 4 seconds.

One goal and one assist against the 2026 Portland Timbers is BEAST MODE, what in the actual fuck are they doing over there?

What a night. A top performance against a top team. 99, 100, and 101 for Hany in genuinely his best performance in years. Mom got to meet her two favorite Nashville SC players ever, Eddi and Shaffelburg. B R I A N S C H W A K E. #1 in the Supporter’s Shield. If you aren’t N, you’re out.

FT: Nashville SC roll past LAFC, with Hany Mukhtar scoring his 99th, 100th, and 101st Music City goals.

LET’S GOOOOOOOOO 🧢 🫡 Phone’s dying. I love this team so fucking much, y’all. #EveryoneN

Great half of soccer for the neutrals. Tired legs or not, both sides are up for this one. Incredible atmosphere in the building, too. There’s absolutely nothing like GEODIS Park nights like these. Anyone’s game going into the 2nd. #EveryoneN

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO 🫡 Number 100 comes in STYLE and the BIG have a BIG lead 20 minutes in. Let’s fucking GOOOOOO #EveryoneN

LET’S GOOOOOOO 🫡 Our beloved number 10 makes it number 99 in gold on an incredible close-touch sequence. What a play. What a team. #EveryoneN

No one knew who this LAFC keeper was until he put on the mask. Or after.

Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus for the title of best Nashville SC fan, who you got

Gotta wonder why Joe Willis keeps getting the backup spot over Váldez. If Schwake goes down, we’re screwed anyway. Wouldn’t it better to give X some run instead of trotting Sleepy Joe out there to aggravate his near post allergy?

Eyyy @pds.dad made the Jumbotron

Really impressive showing from the LAFC supporters, especially considering most of them had to pay for two seats on the plane.

Love the “scan to join in on the chants”. Yes, otherwise how could you possibly keep up such unique and complicated chants as “NSC! NSC!” and “N! … S! … C!”

Today is an especially good day to practice my favorite tradition: lying to opposing fans about the bag policy so they have to go back to their car.

Mom got to meet “Big Eddi” as we call him. Don’t knock the crop it’s hot okay

I hope we don’t lose at all but I REALLY don’t hope we lose because of fuckin’ Shaffelburg because I am so not here for the “we should have kept him!!” discourse. Tyler Boyd is fine. Just not the Maritime Mess-up. #EveryoneN