In case you didn’t know Jorts’s origin story… I knew about 4% of this, mostly about margarine and trashcan mishaps. I had no idea that Jorts and Jean worked in an actual office. BECOME UNBUTTERABLE!

My heart is as cold and black and dead as a charred lump of coal flung unwillingly into the lifeless, lightless, frozen space beyond the solar system

It’s that time again…

What was wrong with “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”? (It’s been 24 years, FFS.)

I love this so much 💜

In case you didn't know, Jupiter totally has rings. You can see them (faintly) in this #JWST image.

I’m gonna get a @DevinCow tattoo.

Solidarity with Kimmel cc @nunesalt.bsky.social youtu.be/WOa8aqo9QM8

I just passed the time while I was on hold by doodling on my leg. Why yes, I am a grown-ass woman. What’s it to ya?

How am I supposed to start this crochet project when “Die Hard” is on?

I just heard a song that reminded me what a terrible person I am.

I fucking love the car wash

TOP TEN CAT BREEDS 1. Super Bingus 2. Tender Loaf 3. Crime Bean 4. Le Squishe 5. Load-bearing Tater 6. Royal Softling 7. Electric Spiceweasel 8. Pantaloosian 9. Tammy 10. Dinky Porch Pebble

We have made good progress but we have to keep going. ❤️ Share and donate. Thank you all so much

Some rocks and sand photographed yesterday. On Mars.

Many of us remember what a sanctuary Crouton & Friends was for US during the scary early days of lockdown. It was a source of calm & sanity in the face of the unknown. Now they need our help. Let’s thank them for everything they do by donating to keep the sanctuary we love alive. LFG, Croutonia!

Dear hair: You can be either flat or frizzy. You can have wimpy waves or be a big stringy mess. Be bad enough to avoid mirrors, or bad enough not to leave the house. Please pick only ONE way to piss me off, or you know what comes next. Love, Chicken

Thank you to everyone that has donated, shared and commented. We have made some progress. Just not enough. I’m hoping for a good couple days ❤️

With all the uncertainty and all we've been through since Covid, think about how many times you sought refuge in the barn. Please donate and share to help save Squirrelwood and keep the herd together. How can you say no to these faces? 🐐💚🐷 squirrelwood.org/donate www.gofundme.com/f/keep-diane...

Timeline cleanse: The cutest baby moooo calf ever. Marty Crouton when he was a wee one and thousands fell in love with him. If you are knew to @mcrouton.bsky.social, please follow for the hijinks of these sweet farm animal rescues.

For those of you who followed Crouton on the old place. Big changes are happening and our love and generosity are much needed. ♥️ 💕 🐄 🐐 🐖 🐴 💕 ♥️

I really need your help with this. We can do it. Croutonia is amazing. Share, donate and comment ❤️ gofund.me/bbc928faf

Gorgeous, endlessly entertaining Pesto is more than happy to put her famous Needs aside momentarily to save the sanctuary she calls home, @mcrouton.bsky.social. ANY size donation will earn Pesto’s everlasting gratitude.🧡 Dat ass, tho gofund.me/1e96a8748 squirrelwood.org/donate Venmo Crouton-SES

Gorgeous, endlessly entertaining Pesto is more than happy to put her famous Needs aside momentarily to save the sanctuary she calls home, @mcrouton.bsky.social. ANY size donation will earn Pesto’s everlasting gratitude.🧡 Dat ass, tho gofund.me/1e96a8748 squirrelwood.org/donate Venmo Crouton-SES

You are awesome!! Look at how well we are doing. Croutonia is coming together 🤍🪽https://gofund.me/1e96a8748

@bockerbino.bsky.social DeGrom is pitching tonight. In case you didn’t already know!

Happy Caturday to all who celebrate! Here’s Annabelle enjoying the afghan my grandmother made for teenage Chicken during my green-and-yellow phase. Annabelle’s little paws kill me; it’s hard to tell here how adorably they’re curled around the fold of the afghan. *please note her little chicken toy

Chicago! Record EVERYTHING. Every raid, every vehicle, every order - film it and share. Tag Anonymous, journalists, media. Build a public timeline so nothing is hidden. No act is too small to document. The world is watching, and we are with you. 🙏🏻

Speaking of dance numbers, everybody in the world may have already seen this, but I just discovered it. It may be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

Current mood: Movie musical dance numbers First up: “Cool” from West Side Story, choreographed by Jerome Robbins Keep cooly cool, boy

I think I used up all of today’s spoons yesterday. Either that or someone has assigned me to demonstrate the seven deadly sins, starting with sloth. Either way, I still haven’t managed to get out of bed.

I can’t even remember the last time I’d heard this until it came on at the local Irish pub earlier tonight. It gave me all the same goosebump feels as it did back when I first heard it, in another lifetime. Check out baby Bono and his fab hair! (🧵1/2)

If you’re the face of a company — or in this case two companies — you do not scream at your customers. Period.

I would like to know who’s been tailing me and recording my life. (Buzzfeed is not on my usual sharing menu, but here we are.)

Laughed so hard I swallowed my gum.

Rerun

Bad. Send cool stuff and/or cute animal pics. I’ll start. (But seriously. Bad.)

This doesn’t explain the single brain cell orange cats are born with, but at least we know why they’re orange.😹

I just referred to a pair of shorts as britches. I don’t know if I’ve ever used that word before. How long until my purse is full of Werther’s candy, I start reading western novels in large print, and my cardigan sleeve becomes a tissue dispenser?

I just learned about the cannibal sandwich and now I wish I were dead

Me when I have to roll up beside a Ťėšťlä truck earlier

Wad of Cat™️

I doubt you’ll see anything better this week. Or ever.

While B deals with health issues, the herd @mcrouton.bsky.social still needs our support. Fall is coming soon and that means it's time to put up hay! Enjoy an archived Miss Roo nibble hunt 🐷🐮 Donate online squirrelwood.org/donate Venmo Crouton-SES Fundraiser: gofund.me/9511e75f youtu.be/oXKiTvMYiI

Random song, #273 in a series Miss you forever, Jeff. I’m gonna go cry now.

If you need a smile today.

I don’t remember which one of you ding-dongs recommended “I’m With Lucy,” but I could only make it to the 31 minute mark. I tried, but even John Hannah waxing poetic couldn’t save it.

This here song is why I went down a rabbit hole about bog bodies.💜 P.S. The video, which I love, has nothing to do with bog bodies. When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her