Bring me the 10 year Botman contract next

Christ

Honestly think that’s the best I’ve seen Gordon play for us. Fucking sensational, as soon as he entered the Benfica half, he was causing total chaos

If Danny “Bastard” Welbeck scores against us again today, I make that roughly about 20 points he’s cost us over the years

Bruno and Tonali were excellent today but if anyone has Peter Bankes’ home address, feed an envelope full of dogshit through his letterbox. As piss poor a refereeing performance you can get at PL level

ai video shit websites can instantly make it look like orson welles himself is sucking my cock but i still have to complete the hardest captcha of my life to book a bowling lane

Champion, NUFC will be overpowered to fuck every year going forward

Lads, I’ve watched football a lot over the years and I now genuinely don’t know what is and isn’t a penalty anymore. What the fuck are we playing at

www.greggs.com/news/welcome... #AgainstModernGreggs

Thought we did very well there against a side who will be in the semi-finals at a minimum. If Gordon scores early doors, who knows? Totally different game but I am a MASSIVE fan of Thiaw doing Cruyff turns and clipped 20 yard passes in his own half. He’ll be great fun

@adamf2384.bsky.social Official face of the Nervous NUFC fan in that second half

Gordon is going to pinch the ball off one of their centre halves tonight and plant it in the corner. Dream it. Manifest it

Newcastle United just had to win there. We were good for a couple more but it’s 3 points that we desperately needed. Let’s get into Barca on Thursday

Big Nick in tomorrow and let’s see Jacob Murphy pinging crosses at his napper. Don’t care if he prefers it to feet, he’s in our land now and he’ll fight for headers against Craig Dawson and like it

September 11th, 2001. A shocked nation grieves as the World Trade Center is destroyed in the largest terrorist attack on American soil. Unsure of what else to do, GameFAQs user BoredGamer collects their thoughts and begins to work on a plain text walkthrough of Tail of the Sun

I’m in a roadside cafe in Corfu, drinking Mythos and listening to a Greek language cover of Dance Me to the End of Love. What a belter

Get him nominated for the Mercury Prize

Similar to Bruno throwing the contents of Isak’s locker onto the railway lines at Benton

NUFC doing their best to try and knock me out of my holiday mood. By the time I’ve landed, I want to see some goal scoring bastard at the training ground having his medical

This is a Chris Simpsons Artist drawing of Trump

A top class CL drawer and Harry Kane’s eventual successor signed in the same day. Nice little morale booster for Saturday evening

Funniest thing about Man Utd eventually parting with Amorim will be their client journalists lobbying for them to get Eddie Howe.

Never in my football watching life did I think I’d ever see Man Utd be this embarrassingly bad

Alexander Isak is now on assignment to make up those 5 points single-handedly when he picks his fucking lip up and plays football for us again.

Mark me down for this. The year that their luck runs out at St James Park and we win, is the year we win the league

Half time interviews with managers. The game is on its arse

@newcastleunited.com any pictures of Fabian Schär looking like he's pondering whether to ask the shift supervisor if she fancies going to Zizzi's after work, while neglecting his packing duties in the Amazon distribution centre, please admin?

Well, shit. They had to pull me back into Metal Gear Solid

And now the media narrative becomes “Angry Newcastle players are going to MAIM Liverpool players” so we’re going to be down 3 bookings within 15 minutes for fuck all

You would think NUFC would pass comment on this ARSEHOLE’S latest effort but their position hasn’t changed, I suppose. Fork up the cash, let us sign two strikers and he can go. We’re not the ones who have to do anything here

In all the Isak bullshit, you could almost forget that Eddie Howe is still a brilliant manager and Newcastle United are still a very good side

If Sky don’t want us all using IPTV, rather than lower their prices, maybe they can try to not pipe Liverpool off with more and more vigour with every passing season

It’s a damning indictment on modern football that Villa need to let Ramsey go for having the temerity to try and be a good football team but it is nice to be on the side that benefits.

Very much looking forward to getting this and leaving NUFC alone so as not to stop Eddie Howe building his legacy

As if things can’t get any more annoying, it’s Craig Pawson refereeing on Saturday. God save us

stefanborson.substack.com/p/the-final-... Oh, Alex. I suggest this could get far worse for you before it gets any better. Especially considering your Liverpool lovers are more concerned with saving their own PR and lowballing than they are about actually paying the going rate

I’m not ashamed to say that I’m very surprised that Alexander Isak is a) this stupid and b) this much of a cunt.

Another season and another year of TNT Sports cosplaying as Liverpool TV

NUFC constantly “exploring” deals and other such business speak bullshit. Almost like like allowing a nepo baby who has revised Jake Humphrey’s podcast notes to take charge of recruitment may have been a fools errand

Just fill the fucking squad out @NUFC

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On his current tour, Rod Stewart has been singing “Forever Young” in front of an AI-generated video of Ozzy Osbourne taking selfies in heaven with musicians like Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, and XXXTentacion

Was hoping for a very strong response from the PIF boys and looks like they haven’t disappointed

The price for Isak is £150m. And since Liverpool have been such cunts about it all, the price is now £175m

I suppose, with Ramsdale, he’s probably better than a Dubravka who turns 37 shortly. Hooray for signings

Would be interesting to know who these other goalkeepers are since we’ve had a shortlist of one for 18 months and still fucked it up

Another NUFC laughing stock. Currently in the process of letting your best ever manager down for the second successive summer. Shambles

Lads, it’s not the time

Sorry like but NUFC is an absolute piss corner behind the scenes atm. The fact we’re going on a pre-season tour with Osula is scandalous. Cut the perfectionism shit and sign some bastard players

Wissa for £30m leaves plenty in the pot for that creamy centre half for big money.