make time for my bullshit

Is The Incredible Cheese Temple Encouraging Elitism? My Former Friend Group Says Yes

Why I'm Glad Mr. God Broke His Foot Off In My Ass

every time I'm promised a healthful manner and comely figure, it comes with a baleful distemper. it sucks ass

The Cool As Hell Circuit

They're coming out with 50 bucks

breaking the library computer by searching for "tomato soump" too many times, too fast, and with too much skill

Wrath of The Snowboard Council

Big Christ

trying to change the subject from my bumper sticker that says "smoke like a wimp"

(within earshot of your grandpa) tell pops to quit kissin my bong

gradual stunch

hip ass fucker, always being so cool and kissin my handsome ass

I'm hiding 100 hospital doctors in my house because the cops whant to shoot them. this is a disgrace to the badge

ok but it says here "superspreader event" and somehow I'M wrong for expecting to meet the superspreader?

partner, where's my pongus? known associate, where's my snombo? affiliated entity, where's my honkus?

goldman sacks. like nutsacks, you know. I'm gonna work on it

yeah... i'm thinkin i dropped my gun in the toilet

john wick had to kill that guy with a pencil cause he dropped his gun in the toilet

Addicted to Thanksohol

would you not praise the cheese? would you not hold it high above your head? what are you, fucking stupid?

annual where's waldo world tournament. just saw him take out three pursuers in a hotel hallway in Jönköping. blood everywhere. why do i keep signing up for this

near suffocation deep in the mine, I found a monster truck. it was not a real life-size monster truck, that would be ridiculous. I'm not here to make fucking jokes

The Gun Singer

who geeked my boy smithson? I specifically told them to avoid doing that

fuck the tide. either stay or go asshole

long dentist

BLOODSPELL III: GIVIN' ME A HARD TIME, I GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU

im just trying to look for computer, this is fucked up

do not leave your ass in the care of god. he will wash it

lorgis

unfortunately glimpsed the Time Matrix while on the shitter, so all I saw were miles long rows and columns of myself on the shitter. some of those times were when I ran out of TP, so I tossed some rolls over to em. sadly the time paradox that caused erased all other mes and now I'm Jet Li in The One

selling me beer through the TV will earn you no place in the lords estate, you will never again be warmed by the light of god if you tell me how to smoke cigarette, please don't do that shit here, is what the almighty keeps telling me to tell you these days

pie_become_man.mkv

(delivers mildly inconvenient news to coworker but forgets to say "don't shoot the messenger" and gets summarily executed at point blank range)

god gave me this laser

encountering a gravity well and uncontrollably sliding around on my ass like a dimpshit

tired of living on a planet where everyone is rarely huge

here come the pissant man. please stop talking to him

all you can make out is a faint and distant voice saying "fuck pants"

it takes character to eat 12 corn dog. a certain moral fortitude

I mean yeah the moon is pissed, and he's a big guy but I'm telling you the worst we're gonna get is a "hey, cmon" or a "guys, seriously?"

(my voice becomes an eardrum shattering klaxon as my forehead grows wider) I am a handsome

my breath hurts

swearing in my home

(putting my blood in the blood machine) wait fuck I need that (the blood machine is playing coy)

do not shit in anger

calling me on the phone simply to shout "SMEPSON" is a crime

*rides scooter off a cliff* more like sergeant diarrhea

(cradling a super nintendo in my arms) is this he? is this my very son