I know a lot of you are stressed, sad, or just worried about tomorrow. But at least your asshole isn’t on fire, so you’ve got that going for you. #PositiveThinking

Attn Black people, stop scrolling. This is not a drill: Chicago

Heeeey, we're moving to a nicer place. We just gotta break our lease to do it. Any help would be appreciated! www.gofundme.com/f/help-us-br...

@kellimaroney.bsky.social www.facebook.com/100044482627...

Hey @bsky.app I’ve been an adult since 1996. You have my birthday data on file. I am not sharing sensitive information that could be used to steal my identity with a third party that I don’t know, don’t trust, and offers no assurance they’ll protect my data. #KWS

My inner thoughts this morning? Sheena is… a punk rocker… Sheeenaaa is… a punk rockerrr…

I want to amplify this so I’m sharing again. 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻

I just got kicked off my health insurance. Apparently sticking a t-Rex toy up your ass before a colonoscopy and humming the theme to Jurassic Park during the procedure isn’t “the kind of nonsense we tolerate here” Like how was I supposed to know that?

Here’s a few things I’d like to see: A death metal barbershop quartet. Tag team football games. Mufflers that function like kazoos. For thirty seconds every coffee in the world tastes exactly like pizza then returns to normal. #FreeFloatingThoughts #TimelineCleanser

I don’t know what’s more cliche at this point: Falling for a false “look behind you” or not believing a “look behind you” because you think it’s false.

How about a #TimelineCleanser ? Um.. I said I wanted a FULL SIZED Hershey bar. 😒

For cancer victims and their friends and families everywhere…

…ten thousand fish in the AIIIIIRRR….! #Disturbed #TenThousandFish

Never in the course of human history has anyone ever said “aw fuck!” and it meant something good.

Legend has it if you stare at Miami’s head coach long enough you can see the future… 🔮 #MiamiHurricanes #NotreDame

The world is heavy. I’ll be holding space for some light to enter our hearts together. Tomorrow noon PT.

Tomorrow!!!

Feeling a rare nostalgia about 90s rock, and yeah while I’ll never love any decade as much as the 80s, a lot of bands were better than I realized at the time. Now can someone explain why half of these guys look like they crawled out of a hamper before getting on stage?

When our Christianity makes the ultra wealthy and powerful feel safe and supported and the poor and powerless feel unsafe and unsupported, that is when we can be sure we are following someone other than Jesus.

Nick Wayne looks like he smells dog mess and he's trying to clean it up but he can't find it.

I went to a job fair last week, and I left after five minutes when I noticed there weren’t any rides.

Some people out there might not know the difference between a possum and an opossum… So I decided to help. On the left, there’s a possum. On the right, an O’possum.

You may end your doomscrolling, you have found Doom.

Awaiting the judge’s decision on a possible restraining order. Apparently offering Megan Thee Stallion a bag of oats and an apple isn’t funny. Don’t even get me started on Doja Cat. 🙄

Timeline Cleanser 🧼 My dog making a silly face.

@s2pidretrogamer.bsky.social fb.watch/BhBuPhtpe7/?...

So we’re just gonna pretend this didn’t happen huh Paul? #Summerslam

So… WWE is just gonna sweep this under the rug? www.cbssports.com/wwe/news/bro... #Summerslam

If you’re feeling down, keep in mind that WWE paid someone for composing Seth Rollins, Becky Lynch, and Sami Zayn’s music which all consist of someone “woah” and “oh” to different music. #SummerSlam25 #Summerslam

PayPal sucks.

Today’s messages are brought to you by… Stanley’s Suppositories! 🎶 Stanley’s Suppositories… They’re all up in your shit 💩 🎶