Just to be clear, the lampreys insisted on the gloves.

Mona was great! Tasmania's bus networks are the WORST though.

I'll give Hobart this: their shitty local soft drink is significantly less shitty than Adelaide's, in that it doesn't taste like watery chemicals.

The difference between Mona's poop machine artwork and the entirety of Channel Ten is the artwork might produce a piece of shit that like twelve people will bother watching, but it only does it once a day.

I'm at Mona. Finally, someone let the f-slurs have some wanky art as a little treat.

Ah yes, the two largest genders.

Nothing is funnier to me right now than all of Hobart being rugged up like it's the middle of winter, while I'm just standing here at the bus stop in a T-shirt and shorts because this is legit better weather than Melbourne usually gets.

The number 8 is actually a 3 69.

This is such a hilariously shit hotel. Just turned on the TV in my room for the first time and (1) someone left their Netflix logged in, (2) the standard TV part isn't even tuned to the commercial networks, and (3) it's not identifiable on the wifi so I can't even use videos from my phone.

And now, a story in four parts.

It's pronounced grapé.

In the Tasmanian Botanical Gardens and some shithead lady is just letting her son run all over the floral clock (in "we're about to plant new flowers" soil mode), digging it up like it's a sand pit. SMH.

FLOUNDER YOU ASSHOLE

Change one letter, ruin a candy Knickers

Nice little hole.

Larry doesn't deserve this. Kylie, the jury's still out on.

I have a cute Scottish ginger flight attendant. Well, that's one way to get me to pay attention to the What To Do If The Plane Explodes But You Don't Immediately Die briefing.

At the airport for a flight at Ungodly O'Clock. I suspect the people trying to order a meal from the self-serve machines Schnitz forgot to turn off last night are going to be very disappointed.

So how long until we find out he's in them?

List 3 things you think you're known for and your followers will... look, this message is too long to re-type just read what it says in the quote. 1. Filth 2. Snark 3. Etc

Made the mistake of opening my luggage to double check something in front of mum and now I'm getting the "that looks light, how many warm outfits did you pack? Do you even have any thermals?" worrying. FML. I'm going to Tasmania, not Antarctica. And it's nearly summer.

Right. I'm on annual leave. Might fuck off down to Tasmania for a bit. Anyone need anything?

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy.

Looked into why the hell Bill Clinton was the #1 trending topic. Immediately regretted it. But also, Jesus, how fucking bad is Hillary's technique?

Having the pre-holiday "what if something bad happens while I'm away?" panic attacks. Send hugs.

Went to the mall after work, thought I'd be a nice son and ask Mum if she needed anything, like maybe she needs bread or something. "Can you see if they have a DVD player?" How do I break it to her that it's 2025 and "but some people don't have the internet" doesn't keep business in business?

Look, as much bad as there is in the world right now, at least America's Next Top Model got cancelled before Tyra decided it would be fun to have an overseas visit to Saudi Arabia. Because you KNOW she totally would have.

Nobody: ... Nobody at all: ... The AuDHD internal monologue: If there's only one, aren't they technically a waswolf? Do I have to have heard Mambo Nos. 1 to 4 to understand this? What's the difference between a road and a street?

Okay, people with experience in southern Tasmania: MONA or Port Arthur? Probably not going to have time/budget for both.

Did Joyce Carol Oates accuse the Pope of never having seen a film?

Logged into OF for the first time in ages, and a D-list celeb I subscribed to (briefly, years ago) has sent messages expecting me to pay $20+ for one (1) photo and a 3-second video. Jesus. Like even if it's X-rated and even if he's much more famous than he is, I'd struggle to think that's worth it.

Chuck Schumer is the most incompetent feckless cunt I've ever seen, and I say this as an Australian who sat through a revolving door of Prime Ministers AND as a human who watched both Boris Johnson AND Liz Truss lead the UK.

Tag yourself homos, I'm "delinquent teenage daughter".

When they said this was going to be back like the old days, I think they really should have had a "...because we're about to spend weeks pretending bigoted fuckwits are entitled to stay because Arseholes Make Good Television" disclaimer. #BBAU

NYC billionaires to Cuomo:

When 80s bands end up doing gigs at gay bars to make ends meet.

The hot friendly nerd at work has turned up with the sluttiest blonde bleach job imaginable and they do not pay me enough to put up with this level of cockteasery.

The more I look at this photo the more I love it. What's more on brand for 2025 Ten than something that might be exciting being covered by a tacky cardboard set and most of the audience looking literally anywhere else because it's not interesting enough to warrant even a curious glance? Incredible.

I have now reached the point in my pre-holiday checked-out-ness where my resting tone with customers is "the menu is the menu; if you want anything else, you saw the McCafe on your way here, go fetch". Work does not pay me enough or treat me well enough for me to put up with assholes right now.

I don't know why it amuses me that Ten's spent all year being all "we're bringing Big Brother back exactly how you remember it!" and, now that it's days away, it's pretty clear they've managed to Ten (2025) it up in that way that only Ten can.

Until the referee tells us to get off the field.

This really feels like an act of undeserved mercy that Ziwe waited until after the election to release this. Like, I'm five minutes in and calling the Bronx "the Puerto Rico of America" isn't even in the top five most ignorant, offensive things he's said so far.

I assure whoever wrote this headline that anyone who heard Jimbob had made his own theme park did not think it was in any country that had any kind of adequate safety regulations.

Anybody else find it weird as hell that we still use the name Confucius? He went by Kong Fuzi (aka Master Kong) 16th century Europeans basically pulled a "You can't seriously expect me to make those crazy foreigner noises with my mouth, I'll just call you Steve"

Last booking of my holiday has been made. Now, the important question: If it's anything like the late-November trips I've taken the last two years, which song from Cher's Christmas album am I going to be unwillingly subjected to while walking through a mall in another state to grab dinner one night?

That's the Comic Sans of rich people fonts, too. Hilarious.

CNN chyron: "I'm not a loser, I'm just Italian".

If you're in line to call Andrew Cuomo a cunt, STAY IN LINE

Trans Rights or the electorate bites.