Preparing to fly away tomorrow to bury some of my Nana ashes in Cyprus. Have packed one of her scarves, some dried roses from her funeral and also her sunglasses.

Really feeling myself today because I too am 10/10 x

Two night time horse pisses x

Update: Didn’t pack any pants x

Just trimmed my pubes for my holidays x

So cold in my work accommodation I had to use my towel as a back up blanket :(

40 minutes for an episode of anything is the limit x

Worried that there currently aren’t enough Podcasts x

Accidentally posted fake news. Turns out this is not the case and it’s still the Wild West out there. In the meantime, my apology is coming x

It took me 31.5 years to finally figure out the side with the branding is the side that DOESN’T have that stupid leaflet no one reads. Feel a new found sense of freedom

I stepped on the scales today and I am the lightest I have been in 7 years. Please, someone catch me before I float away x

Update: I had a Pepsi max and feel much better x

In the mood to tell everyone at work to fuck off today x

Knickers at half mast today everyone, for Jilly Cooper x

Good x

Catching up on Strictly and Tom Skinner dancing with his tongue out is my new sleep paralysis demon

Oh good, it’s starting

Text from my friends Mum 💅💅

Perfect x

Oh HER. Hot take: she lost her soul a while ago and her most recent releases are just vapid nonethingness. Lovely jets though x

Who’s Taylor Swift?

Patricia Routledge has died. Hyacinth Bouquet remains the Campest Queen ever written ❤️

This is the sort of shite Jewish people globally are faced with in the aftermath of attacks. Netanyahu is a war criminal, but Jews in Manchester have nothing to do with him or the state of Israel. Their murder was anti-semitic, not anti-zionist. Stop providing moral justification for terrorism.

Just shared my coming out story with work for ‘National Coming Out Day’ in a few weeks. Credit to them if they post it anywhere, it’s proper miserable!

Won £500 on the Premium Bonds 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️

All leadership candidates are equal, but some are more equal than others

I have two dozen emails that may as well be written in Swahili, so I’m ignoring them and have taken a selfie instead x

Happy locktober eve to all who celebrate x

Lesley sick to fucking death of Paul’s feedback tonight #gbbo

My three month anniversary at work today. I told a dirty joke and everyone laughed 😇

I do not know anyone that watches modern Simpsons episodes. If anyone does, let me know PLEASE

Four hours sleep and about to start work, but yesterday was so good 🪇

This ended by him sending her videos of the concert and selfies with strangers. Then, I can’t be certain but he either had death farts or shat himself. He fell over into me whilst filming people for leaving early and shout ‘OASIS’ in their face.

Right. He’s spent £2500 on tickets over 3 concerts and told his wife he was at work but he’s here. Updated his WhatsApp photo and she cottoned on and is RAGING AHHHHHHHH THIS IS THE BEST GOSSIP EVER

Update: the guy in front of me has been dumped via WhatsApp and he’s 10 pints in and it is ESCALATING

Oasis ready.

TK Maxx won’t give me a discount even though there’s clearly a chip on it?

Husband is out tonight and he’s got a white chocolate snickers ice cream bar in the freezer and I’m doing all in my power not to inhale it x

Many MANY Google searches of men in lingerie took place after watching this (Mainly by me)

Listening to the signature song from Stuart Little 2 (I’m Alive - Céline Dion)

Malt loaf is underrated

Meeting went well. We’re going to meet in person and settle our differences via a game of COD.

Happy Friday babies, we DID IT! I am hosting a 2 hour meeting with a customer who hates me so that’s nice 🙃

Went to bed starving hungry, woke up FINE. Thank you to the gods x

Saw this the other day and can’t stop thinking about it x

Having one of those days where I’m so hungry I can barely SEE

Bake Off needs a contestant in their 70s every year, who regrets signing up but is kept in every week out of pure masochism. Miss that person this year 💔 #gbbo

Can confirm this is RUBBISH (and temporarily invisible)

Catching up on Strictly and Tom Skinner looks like he’d be a proper letch at a wedding x

10 days until this place reaches new dizzying heights of feral