Hey weed is legal here!

What’s good Phoenix?

Every time I get in a rideshare I feel like I’m going to die. Today is no exception.

Just woke Ellie up by yelling “he fuckin missed!”

There it is!

When the signal glitches during a sporting event, that’s when they put the fix in.

I don’t like shows about cops, doctors, or lawyers. Except House, I liked that one.

So far 48 is a lot like 25, at least if you’re watching the news.

Fuck, now I want to watch Kill List again

Don’t reply to me and block replies.

People are all “impeachment now!” Like we have a functioning country. We have an oligarchy with access to the military.

Countries can just come in and kidnap presidents? Hey, Canada… do us a solid.

I got a full moon on my birthday!

I feel bad for my dogs, every time I ask them how their day was they say “rough.”

Pet your pets for me, donate to RAINN, headbutt a nazi, sink a super yacht, lots of ways to celebrate my birth!

Once I make coleslaw it’s over for you cabbages

Once I find that seam ripper it’s over for you stitches

Pet your pets for me, donate to RAINN, headbutt a nazi, sink a super yacht, lots of ways to celebrate my birth!

Oh cool I get to drop another 300 bucks for this work trip. Remind me next time they tell me I have to travel to tell them to go fuck themselves.

It’s my birthday!

No cheating. Reskeet with the most recent picture of your pet

I saw a baby elephant! It’s so cute!

Warfarin is also a blood thinner.

Oh, so no change.

Happy my birthday eve!

I’m gonna headbutt more things in 2026 too. There’s a lot of things what need a good headbutting.

Didn’t y’all make lemon pigs last year? Look how well that worked. Maybe try a lime or something.

Happy New Year, Bluesky (after dark edition).

In 2026 I’ll do the same as 2025, fuck your mothers. All of them, they love it.

Auld anxiety

They have adult tickets at the zoo but that doesn’t mean you get to watch the animals fuck.

In what may be the greatest betrayal since Brutus and Caesar, my coffee maker isn’t working this morning.

Fuck that family

More kennedys should die.

Stood across from Melissa Etheridge at the baggage claim.

Anal Nachos opened for the Bosstones in 93

My birth stone is Fraggle Rock.

Happy birthday @mementomorty.bsky.social

I like that some football players wear comically large helmets, it’s like they put in the Big Head code on NBA Jam.

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

I dunno if I can pull of lavender but I like this

I saw Avatar toys at Ross right next to the Star Wars Black Series action figures from The Acolyte.

Non sequitur because I like doing whatever

I turn 48 in a week.

There’s no way Greenland 2 is a real movie.

No one that ever used service now would ever advertise it so they hire famous actors to shill.

Merry Christmas losers

If they’re going to ip theft all the movies anyway and buy up all the gpus, once the ai bubble bursts we should turn the remains into a giant plex server

Freebird is a Christmas song, Santa don’t stick around for nobody.

How the Grinch Fucked Your Mother