The who? 😄

20 and if you don’t believe me, dare me to prove it 😈

who’s down (asking for a friend 😏) the friend:

no frfr 😂

Und Deutsch auch ☺️

Yo estudio español con mi teléfono 😀

get in loser, we’re going to pound town #humpday

a cups on deck 😄

*doing my part* ☺️

It is too early for me to be cracking up this hard on the train 🤣

player 1: ready player 2: choose your weapon a) 👅 b) ✊ c) 🍆

say less 🫠

tight end or wide receiver 🤔

😍😄

*brace for impact*

grab it. kiss it. squeeze it. bop it! 😄

really wanting to model in person for someone to draw me *looks at @stiffbrush.me *

AOC: The problem is that the Trump administration, they think that destroying our health care, making sure that housing is too expensive to live in, that jacking up the cost of our groceries—they think all of this is about hurting Democrats. What they are doing is hurting Americans

Repost if you have an ass worth smacking Allegedly

good morning

Repost if you support trans people and think we're neato

well you’re in luck, cause it’s only on days that end in y

alexa play “now that’s what i call an ass volume 12”

i got 4 letters for that… fafo 😏

absolutely nobody: me:

me dragging my bank account into impulse purchases:

you: *answers phone* “you have a collect call from… dat ass”

Unfortunately the wasp didn’t make it through the game. PLAYER 237 ELIMINATED *jackpot sounds*

oh, i called your plans and told them something came up 😏

it’s a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare 😌 😰 😈

not me getting home after 10 days away and a red wasp flies across my face in the kitchen. just drove 9 hours and can’t even right now but 1. how’d you get in here 2. you bet not have brought friends in here tryna have a party cause you had the house to yourself 3. we gonna have words in the am

The world is on fire and everyone is going through it rn. Just be fucking nice to the ppl in our community, fuck.

*modem sounds* welcome, you’ve got mail ✉️

i just want the employee discount

absolutely insane 🥴

or will i 🤔 😏

it’s not a game but you’re guaranteed to have fun #softiesaturday

If I’m driving in the right lane minding my business in the middle of nowhere with no traffic, for fuck’s sake, don’t come flying up behind me and ride so close that I can see the last time you brushed your goddamn teeth. GO TF AROUND ALREADY! I swear sometimes I wanna brake check mf’s 🤬 😒

i don’t start shit but i can tell you how it ends 🥴 💦 💦 💦 (plot twist: i really be starting shit 🤭)

facts

meet me at midnight 😏

Everything’s on the up and up! The dealership got me an uber back home while they got my truck situated. About to get some miles in, crossing 4 state borders in the next 36 hours 💨 😄

Got my oil changed Tuesday and was heading out of town last night. Smelled strong oil odor, so I pulled over, popped the hood, oil EVERYWHERE. The service tech forgot to put the oil cap back on. 🤦🏾‍♂️ My weekend trip is ruined. The dealership is not gonna like me. 😡 🤬

it’s like 🫨 🙃

happy #humpday from me and lil’ squishy 😄

there’s some hole in this house 😏

*shows up at the cookout* damn, i forgot the bratwurst… but i brought the buns 😏 😛

in case you were wondering, it don’t just look squishy 😏 🤗 😄

i have absolutely zero proof but i know in my heart these were black people responding 🙅🏾‍♂️ 😂

yea it’s monochrome monday but some things just look better in color 🧡 💙 💛 🥰