Good. It took me so long to figure out GTAV enough to play on Fivem and I'm not spending a DIME on nothing for my PC until further notice. Yall will deal! 😂😩😭

On a call with 3 cis male peers, where I am both the most senior director and the subject matter expert for the conversation at hand. As you can imagine... I have been repeating myself for the last 30 minutes straight.

I normally don't like when the Ghetterosexuals be in our business, but since yall talking nice about the studs today, I'll allow it. 🥰

Y’all niggas better be glad I’m not straight. I’d show yall I’m really my daddy son

What hit you harder: Dr. Mark Sloan from Grey's or Bob from Beetlejuice 2?

Happy Headass Halloween from your favorite couple: Ariana and Cynthia.

I only come here to rattle off my thought(s) of the day, but there's something sinister about being a Black person who only follows Black people who make me laugh, think, or smile... yet my Discover page is not reflective of this at all. Nothing I've interacted with would put this shit in my sight.

I will not tolerate anti-light rhetoric on my skyline. Of course yall DEMONS keep yall's phones on dark mode. As for me and my house... 💡😇

When yall buy those "Anti Elon" bumper stickers for your Teslas, yall prove to the people who would judge you for driving one that yall really are the hyper consumers that they think yall are.

I know I'm in Atlanta because my Uber Eats driver's car just got booted while picking up my food.

When I was 9 years old, I told a cop that a man was following me home and had brandished a knife. They asked me if he was my boyfriend. I was wearing a school uniform and an Aladdin backpack. The man had a beard and was visibly a vagrant. I have never been a child in this country.

The city towed my car from in front of my house last night around 11pm after THEY FORGOT to put no parking signs out. Now, they have no record of towing happening on my street because my street isn't even listed to have towing for the marathon... even as ppl are actively running down my street.

I hope your dog(s) had a good day today... Everyday, really.

I want to go see Cats Jellicle Ball again, but I don't think anything will top seeing it at PAC. That theater was perfect for that kind of show. I'm not liking the seating chart I'm seeing for Broadway. It's gonna force me to buy front row tickets and I can't justify front row prices.

🔑 🗝 🔐

Few know how much D'Angelo's music means to me. I try my best to abstain from parasocial relationships with celebrities, but there's a small dent in my chest where heartbreak over losing someone I know would normally sit after learning of his passing - a pleasantly painful surprise...

If you enjoy cold weather, please know that I support your lifestyle. I just don't want it shoved down my throat or marketed to kids.

Notes from the first hour of the firrst day of my new role: Even though I have a close, working relationship with the person who stepped down from this job, I never expect a peaceful exchange of power when it's one of them involved... and I was right.

I don't follow any sports leagues, but I'm making a genuine effort to get into the WNBA next season for two reasons: 1. I'm a lesbian. 2. Anything white men hate this much has to be something I'd enjoy.

...and their wives are never letting go of the LG Tone headphones.

Proof of fine.

Confusing the enemy since 1988.

"What are you doing for your birthday this year?" Me: Updating my LinkedIn 🥂

My friends always post old ass photos of me on my birthday. Meanwhile my wife is the only person who has documented proof that I'm still fine af this week - today even.

Libra season anthem

I was just getting ready to complain about having to park so far from my house, but the cars parked closer belong to folks attending a funeral at the church across the street from me. I'm grateful not to be sitting in the front row or lying in the casket. It's a nice day for a walk down my street.

...and just like that, it's my turn.

Actually salivating...

"Why does AI keep making these photos of me? 😅😂" The caption yall put under photos that yall gave AI explicit permission to make after reading a prompt that said, "See what you'd look like as a stripper."

Merry Clipse-mas Baltimore 🎄❄️

There have been studies on literacy in "The Bible Belt" that have shown a correlation between Christian faith and illiteracy in the US.

That’s why when people say things like “this has never happened before,” I know they have made a habit of ignoring Black people.

I know exactly what I want to wear to this Clipse concert... but it's too warm for Coogi fits... plus, I don't want to spend 700 dollars so... 💔

You can't spell "upset" without UPS.

Last night I received an automated text from my waxer to say her maternity leave begins soon. Today I received an automated text from my backup waxer to say she's going on a "spiritual sabbatical." Soon, I'll be howling at the moon.

My wife: *wants me to call her for any and everything and complains that I don't* Also my wife: *keeps her phone on silent... not vibrate... silent... 24 hours a day... even when we are in different states*

I drove 4 hours after work and got dressed in the car to make sure my wife could see my face in the crowd while doing something she loves. I've eaten 1.5 meals today, but her smile on that stage makes me so full. I can eat three meals tomorrow.

I fought for my very life for those Clipse tickets! It's me versus Ticketmaster at all times.

Which Taye Diggs character am I today?

You should be honored to have me on your nerves when there are so many other places I could be. Tuh.

Tell me the shopper was a man without telling me the shopper was a man.

If you think that white Americans will be radicalized by 30 second videos of state sanctioned brutality against marginalized people, you have forgotten that they are the progeny of the men and women who took their children to lunchtime lynchings for fun.

I hadn't even considered that people used to get hit by horse carriages...

Changing all your passwords at work on a Friday afternoon is probably the most effective way to ensure that you'll be locked out of your systems on Monday morning.

A non-binary, masculine presenting woman making content telling hyper feminine presenting women how they can dress to look more queer is so ironic and insane. Can yall leave the podcast chatter to the Ghetterosexuals, please? I beg.

I could teach a master class on "scaring the hoes." How I look vs How I act. I'm so sorry. 😅😂

After 36 years of watching my brother struggle with his addiction, you would think it'd hurt me less when he relapses. His 1 year sobriety celebration was supposed to be next Saturday. I've had it on my calendar for months and refused to make plans with anyone...

My eldest goddaughter had high school orientation today. I called her to ask how it was on the phone that I pay the bill for, and of course she sent me to voicemail... but she's texting me now! I'm holding back the tears and old lady stuff I wanna say, but, god... I'm so proud of her I could burst.

Allow yourself to be a beginner.

A new heaven emerges as my old heaven becomes my floor.