When your wife is talking about rat noises and accidently opens up a door to parental trauma... So now you're crying, realizing you went through crazy physical and emotional abuse.

Wow I didn't realize I was this traumatized

When you put your earrings on backwards 🤦‍♀️

I'm so stoned I forgot where my toilet was

Imagine 8 deer girls all strapped to a sleigh

The U.S. is giving dying mall vibes. I can't explain it, but you know I'm right.

The spoon is older than the shovel: a novel

She got the cutest eyes this side of the equator @dakotanfutball.bsky.social

How fast must one pedal for a bicycle to become a chainsaw

Currently watching porn while my eife doomscrolls bluesky

I left the fridge open. Oops

My ice cream is crunchy

Smoking out of a bong on my front porch

Get toasted

Don't forget to say hi to the voices in your head

What if God wore an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

If you could put anything on a shirt what would you put

I'm so fucking relaxed man

True friends stab you in the front

i cant get as high as i need to be rn

I have now been high for over 24hours.

My weirdness runs people off. It's only a matter of time till you run too.

*when the chest opens up revealing a mimic* Me: what that tongue do?

Would you let a mimic chew on your bones?

The slime oozes, filling all the crevices Leaving no room for air I do not scream as I consume my last breath.

I might as well be high all the time

<---- this person is in a bad place right now

It's lonely here

Morning.

Greening out on purpose again. Some times you just don't want to function.

Bitches ain't shit.... it's me I'm bitches

Why do games always have a jump button? Really how many times a day do you, a full grown person, actually jump?

WIP #art #crow #digitalart

Morning from the sleep deprived grimlin

My beautiful wife Undresses before me I still blush After all this time

im so powerful and strong

Sometimes you just gotta stay up all night hitting the bong

Someone on grinder described himself as a walmart 8 and told me he only want "cuddle" and "No stick it in your mouth or but"

This may be the best apple I ever had

Just a cat-thing, vibing

What's the difference between a cracker and a cookie?

Pour antidepressants into the cookies. Make you smile with every bite

Make the fish work that 9-5

I want a game where you play as a chicken with its head cut off... like skyrim intro but chicken form

The air is loud

If I was rich, I would buy an olive farm and donate the crops to food pantries, therefore artificially lowering the demand, leading to a surplus of olives for me

Law andvorder sounds like doordash for police

So tempted to wake her up