people keep calling sandwich guy a "hero" but it's actually spelled "gyro"

[second hand store] me: do you have any minute hands?

Prediction: Social psychologists will still insist that the book's thesis is valid, thereby ironically validating its thesis

Saw a thing about how Mamdani’s Mamdani because of his humanities degree and can we please gently retire this discourse because I don’t want to have to think about Peter Thiel any more than is necessary

I feel like I'm supposed to be smoking a cigarette right now

98 days until pitchers and catchers report

This presidential campaign kickoff speech sure is impressive

Let tonight be known as the Snooze Alarm uprising

lol

I have literally never seen Bluesky this happy

the vibe in NYC suggests a Zohran-related baby boom in nine months.

It's one of the things I think folks struggle with is that you're not actually nostalgic for an era of factory work, you're nostalgic for an era of union jobs, massive-scale construction of affordable housing, and mass immigration

Stay away from Seattle, they said. It never stops raining, they said

There are two acceptable candies, Reese's peanut butter cups and Nerds gummy clusters. Everything else is bullshit

The drink’s called the Candyman and the mirror is 🧑‍🍳😘

Did he not eat the baguette in the basket on the front of his bike?

Change one letter, ruin a candy S&Ms

One of my pet peeves is football teams that try to draw the defense offsides in situations where they would never, ever run a play. Like once in a while you really do need to snap the ball on 4th and 7 from your own 35, or else it's just negative EV

CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag? KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag. CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this? KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable. KOKO: Hostility Interviewer

As a joke they should make them play again tomorrow lol

That was 18 innings so shouldn't the Dodgers be up 3-1 now?

Just woke up from my 7-inning nap and this game is still happening.

If the game is still going by the time of first pitch Game 4 they have to play both games simultaneously

SAVE US SHOHEI

This is even funnier 80 minutes after it was posted

Do they have a replacement organist?

This game speaks in a mid-Atlantic accent and says things like "Don't flip your wig, Jake"

The only way to end this game is for Isaac Chotiner to interview it

"How soon until heat death of the universe" is trending

Stein’s Law faces first ever defeat

Is that Orel Hershiser warming up for the 16th?

RIP david lynch you would have loved a baseball stadium full of people slowly losing their minds

When this game started, shortstop was still an outfield position

When this game started fans got to the park on bicycles with one big wheel and one little wheel

When this game started "base ball" still had a space in the middle

"Cut me, Mick." --this game

I do not know my own name I was born watching this game I will die watching this game Nothing else exists but this game not even me

This game is like I got caught smoking a baseball and now I have to smoke a whole pack of baseball

This game started in black and white

This game remembers how to program a VCR

This game can now withdraw from its IRA without penalty

Game's been going so long that's actually Vladimir Guerrero III

The rehydrated corpse of Ötzi the Iceman has entered the game

Raise your hand if you're not invested in either team but you're still watching out of a free-floating belief that you are obligated to see things through

He took the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, do you think if someone tells him that he'll lift the tariffs?

Isaac Chotiner pitching to Shohei. Discuss

I’d walk up reeeeaaaal slow to “In The Air Tonight” and throw my first pitch exactly when the best drops