Socrates nuts.

Found a sealed copy of Bad Religion's 'Into the Unknown' on Ebay for like £30. Which is roughly £45 more than it's worth, and I don't have £30 right now. Really tempted to get it anyway just for the fact that it'll make me laugh whenever I see it.

B&M should pay for their crimes. They had graphics tablets for a tenner, so of course I got one. My first portrait. Halms (Skutter, 2026) Model: @tronknotts.bsky.social

THREE HUNDRED AND THREE DAYS! It's over. I'm free. Now what do I do?

Chips and cheese with ketchup is a scheme Lasagne. Chips and cheese with brown sauce is a scheme Paneer Biryani.

You know you've fucked up when the app brings out the plus sign.

@maxscoville.bsky.social Maxolotl.

If I ran a videogame publisher, I would simply pay people to make videogames, sell the videogames, and then use that money to pay those people to make videogames. Novel concept, I know.

This is your semi-regular reminder of that time Terry Wogan's nulge was prominently on display.

Got my polling card today so I figured I would check out the smaller candidates before I go with the same two parties as usual. I can't stress this enough. No matter how good your main policies are, if you have a bunch of AI images on your page, I will assume you're a facist. SNP/Green it is.

Huuula hooooop.

Why do we call it farting and not Garse?

Okay so 10 Downing Street, right? No door handles on the outside. What if there's a fire? How do the fire brigade get in? Keith, you haven't thought this through. It'll just burn forever, you Mark Kermode-looking fuck!

Yer da buys gold-plated HDMI cables.

Yer da tells waiters that he's "allergic to halal".

Yer da thinks washing his hands is woke.

Yer da still watches porn on videotape because he says it "sounds warmer".

Dronepost

I don't talk about local things on here because I like to stay semi-anonymous, but: Fuck the current owners of Opium. Fuck the soon-to-be owners of Opium. Fuck Edinburgh. Fuck me for being too ill to go to the last night at Opium. Fuck you if you're about to correct me and call it Legends.

The bluesky version of me: Kinky as fuck. Too queer to function. 24/7 Silly bollocks. The real me (public): Literally just a dude. Silent. Doesn't want to be perceived. The real me (private): The bluesky version of me. The real me (Champion Edition): Real me (private), but you can play as Vega.

B&M are reckless.

I can do the colours good. I know all the colours. There's purple. Black. ... ...and so on.

He's been dropping hints for around 50 years. I think it's time we let Bruce Springsteen fuck the car.

Teletubbies would have been an infinitely better show if the red one had a completely normal name. 🎶 Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La, Susan.

WHAT THE FUCK IT GROWS BACK IN LIKE TWO DAYS?

Skutter Lore: I have a music degree, so I can lie about music and people just believe me. My sister now thinks that a short aria is called an aria nagrande.

One of them has been dead for ten years? Doesn't matter. I will never remember which one is Jim Carrey and which is Robin Williams. Bruce Campbell? Same guy. Kevin Bacon? Same guy. They're all one guy and I won't hear otherwise.

Got kicked out of the sperms bank for asking what the interest rate was on their savings accounts.

The year is 2037. Paramount Skydance now have an 86% market share of the world's media with one holdout controlling the other 14%. Then the news breaks. They're making a very generous offer to buy your mum's Onlyfans.

It's four in the morning and I only just had dinner. The Brian Harvey, since Lidl only had tiny baking potatoes. Not saying I feel like running myself over, but...

Finally gave up and shaved for the first time in 14 years. I think I may be out of practice because aaah god it burns. Face soft though.

Look. I'm just saying that if I left a load in someone for 9 months, it would be ready to come back out around now.

No, I haven't played Pokemon since I was about 9, before Gold/Silver came out. Yes, I will argue vehemently online that Browt is roundest and therefore, best choice of starter in Winds/Waves.

If I had just made a jailbreak, I would not be so loud about the boys being back in town.

Made it to the end of February. That really was a long lonely December.

Got banned from the bowling alley for putting my name up on the board as Osama Bin Gaggin'.

Last week, I accidentally recreated a classic shock image and if I'm completely honest, I get it now.

Driver: "Yer no gonnae be sick, ur ye? It's an extra fifty pound if yer sick. Same if ye've shat yersel."

Topt the milk girl until she says khlebnik. (I'm the milk girl.)

My uncle who works for the police has just called me. Apparently, this is Andrew Battenberg-Wrongun's defense.

I talk a lot of shit about this government, but I can't ever blame @rthonwesstreeting.bsky.social for any of his decisions on health care. Not because he does a good job, but because even he has to run everything past my GP's receptionist first.

Bip mah coungue. Iffore.

Me and Master Chief went down the water slide in Hell and then we played Dick Pachinko.

Hell yeah. I'm getting ready for some #penisnow

Without downloading any new pics describe your gender

Age verification? When I was a kid, the anime "The IRA" was only available dubbed.

I can't wait for the day that racists learn that being white was invented by Barry White, a black guy. Their heads are going to melt.

Narrator: "They were not almost finished with Tears of the Kingdom."

Keir Starmer eats corn the long way.