If the Rapture comes tomorrow please know that I always meant to post things here.

Kudos to my brother @todgoldberg.bsky.social on the STARRED Kirkus review for ONLY WAY OUT! "Goldberg does an uncanny job of keeping multiple plot elements in the air with cutting humor. Internecine noir, done just right." www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews...

Congrats to my brother @todgoldberg.bsky.social on the great @publisherswkly.bsky.social review for ONLY WAY OUT. "With comic flair, shocking violence, & a capacity for surprise, this recalls the noir-tinged films of the Coen brothers." www.publishersweekly.com/9781662534089

Incredibly moving essay from Heather Scott Partington in Alta: www.altaonline.com/california-b... Through the Lens of Solastalgia

I’m of the opinion that Ivy Pochoda is one of the best crime writers alive, so this makes me very happy.

Sometimes, an email arrives and you just know, intuitively, someone’s about to reply-all.

Elon Musk has announced he’s leaving the Trump administration to spend more time in his lair deep inside a hollowed out volcano.

POV: The front seat of your dad’s Gran Torino, 1976, six months after the divorce, when he tells you about his new special lady in the parking lot of Farrell’s.

I’m doing a talk at a library tonight about a book I wrote 13 years ago. If I am asked anything other than about the basic plot, I am unlikely to know the answer. And yet I know all the lyrics to every Jason Isbell song produced in that same period. This means something. I don’t know what.

The only pope I recognize is the one from Greenwich Village.

I promise that when I die, you will not receive any more notes on your pages. www.theguardian.com/books/2025/a...

May critique my MFA students like they’re in the NFL draft: Suzy is a great novelist, all the intangibles, but her short arms were a real problem at AWP. Her use of adverbs in dialog tags? That’s teachable but you gotta wonder if she’s even aware of it. 5 years, this could be an Aimee Bender-type.

In line at the Target closest to Stagecoach. Three women in cowboy hats put cases of White Claw on the conveyor belt. Dude in a trucker cap is between us. Dude, whistles, then: Females love White Claw. Woman 1: We need it to deal with men like you. And that’s why shopping in person is edifying.

My brother @leegoldberg.bsky.social's new novel Hidden in Smoke drops today! a.co/d/izgslhj

Trump signs new Executive Order making the singing of "Pancho and Lefty" illegal as it provides material support for a criminal gang.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth sent an Evite to the entire Sigma Chi mailing list.

He’s a hillbilly. He’s a hitman. He’s the Vice President. Sunday nights at 8pm on FX.

What are you doing next weekend? You're coming to see me at the LA Times Festival of Books!

My process: 1. Read interesting piece on someone's Substack. 2. Decide i'll subscribe for free. 3. Get annoyed the next day when I get an email about the Substack. 4. Unsubscribe. 5. Feel free.

Look, we can either weep for the end of the American experiment or celebrate that we can weep for the end of the American experiment while power eating Camino Bliss gummies. That's the choice we still have as Americans.

Here’s my Wink Martindale story. In 1998, I appeared on Rock & Roll Jeopardy and decided, because I was 27, that I was going to call the host — who was Jeff Probst pre-Survivor — “Wink” whenever I got the chance. I don’t know why I decided this.

Only Way Out coming November 4th. Some more details! todgoldberg.com/only-way-out...

There will be a test. November 4th! a.co/d/eyvvzTa

I’ve been mad at my desk, writing all curse words

Follow me here, let's actually encourage them to take ivermectin for everything.

On Monday, we're gonna get funny with the money that we flaunt...

Might start adding "director of CSUN Greek Week" into my author bio.

Ohhh, I get to show my new book cover soon. Which means I need to do that thing I can never remember how to do: Update my fucking website.

Is there any greater joy than learning your sworn enemy's BookScan numbers?

Coachella kicks off this weekend, which means I get to play a little game I enjoy: Are those actors from some show I've never seen, professional wrestlers, or porn stars staying in the AirBNB next door? Last year, as I recall, week one was a wrestler who just had porn star friends visiting.

A dude on my fb page said I better not express political opinions contrary to his parroted dipshittery or I’ll lose book sales. So let me repeat this: You think I write books to be quiet about my opinions? I’m not a hide in the attic type. Art is political. I’ll write something so you don’t have to.

My plan for the day: eat cookies until the pain subsides

Listen up Wendy, no one who wants to guard your dreams and visions just wants to be your friend.

For the book writers of the world: Looking at some royalty statements from the last period ending 12/31/24 -- and Bookscan is so wildly off from reality that it's frankly shocking. They're capturing less than 40% of my sales.

My pervasive feeling walking around AWP on Sat. was sadness. These literary orgs that depend on NEA & NEH grants and fellowships to operate are going to lose the majority of their funding. I was looking at Iowa's gigantic 6 booth set up with free coffee & scones and thinking:

This is where the Signal took an upsetting turn.

Getting packed for this right now. Where did I leave my hatchet?

Pete Hegseth just texted me directions to a super secret Sigma Chi party that’s going to be off the chain and also a list of CIA black sites.

Slow baby bouncies. That’s how I’m living.

Here's my AWP Schedule: Wednesday: Register. Say things like, "When I went in 2002, there were like 200 people, total, but oddly still way too many people in bow ties." Thursday: Avoid anything with "plenary" in the title. Sit in booth. Say things like, "Lot of Pushcart Prize nominees up in here."

It’s gonna be lit!

Seeing a lot of posts about upcoming 12 person readings during AWP in LA. Let's be real clear here, people. No one wants to hear 12 people read. DOGE is going to close this shit down.

What if Whoomp is all there is.

Getting shit notarized is a 17th century grift that we somehow still are led to believe we need, probably by a cabal of Big Notary and that dude Scott you know from high school who bought a Mail Boxes Etc franchise and now is all up in the notarization game. My new podcast will expose it all.

Posts that say, Kamala tried to warn us, or Clinton tried to warn us, make me a little crazy. If you didn’t see this twit for what he is with your own eyes, you should not operate heavy machinery.

JD Vance would have made Anne Frank pay rent.

Woodward. Bernstein. Ayn Rand.