Report: Oh, Fuck Yeah, Egg Yolk Dripping All Over Sandwich https://theonion.com/report-oh-fuck-yeah-egg-yolk-dripping-all-over-sandw-1819579733/

That moment when you just installed your new CPU but haven't yet remembered you also needed to update BIOS and you're just staring at two black screens

Kash Patel looks like if Aziz Ansari made a movie about finding his long lost mentally disabled half-brother from the south. #bugeyedtoiletfrog

Don’s right. Let’s impeach him.

Texas — Protester roughed up and arrested for having roller skates. Trump’s America. Abbott’s Texas. www.instagram.com/reel/DUN-IWg...

✊

Random footy knowledge: When Sir Alex Ferguson was signed by Rangers in the late 60's his transfer fee (adjusted for inflation) is just north of $2 million dollars today. He also scored 45 goals in 51 games the season leading up to that transfer. He was the best manager, but also a damn good player.

A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.

Bernice King has it absolutely right. We are facing a moral crisis in this country. And we must all act together to end it.

Alex Jeffrey Pretti, an ICU nurse who worked at the VA saving our veterans’ lives was executed by U.S. federal agents while trying to help a woman up after ICE violently shoved her to the ground. That’s the headline.

What happens to you doesn't say anything about you. How you respond to what happens to you says everything about you.

Feeling myself getting better at bass again is really fun. Like, I've never been a better player than I am right now. That's cool.

Hey look how fast they stopped trying to distract us with Tylenol? #Mahahaha

It's kinda ironic that the character in Hocus Pocus who goes by ICE is portrayed as a moron and a jerk.

Tonight I saw a man plug a cordless drill battery into his bike headlight. I won't pretend to understand how you make that work, but it did give me an idea about a new MacGyver series.

Portland area Spirit Halloween stores are probably having a great year already

I saw the Goodyear blimp today. Such a funny word. Blimp. Heh.

So the "border czar" Tom Homan actually does come to Portland, but he's barely here long enough to leave the airport and nobody even knows about it until after he's left. Huh.

I think I may have begun my transition to grumpy old man. This lizard meme shit is whack and annoying.

I have returned to Twitter. Much to my amazement my account still has not been banned despite changing my name to elonmuskisapieceofshit among other things. Stay tuned for how long I can continue to post before my account gets banned.

starting to think we should give "strange women lying in ponds distributing swords" a chance as a basis for our system of government

When a show makes a simple task seem trivial and frustrating (specifically, Bluebloods S1 E2 when he can't put the body on the RC car). Seriously though, it just slides on the posts and is secured with bobby pins. Dumbass. #bluebloods

Watching Home Improvement in my mid 30's has really helped me understand my Dad more.

Aye what do ya know, @proreferees.bsky.social with another no-call on a clear penalty for Portland. That's at least three missed penalties this year for Portland alone. Ya'll are fucking bad at your job.

Maybe this is just me, but when they're bein bad, I talk to dogs like they're children, but I talk to cats like they're grown ass adults.

In retrospect, having children recite their allegiance to their country every single morning is really fucking weird.

If the door to the bathroom is shut and you knock, I'm intentionally taking extra time.

@proreferees.bsky.social Victor Rivas is showing us exactly the quality of PRO referees: bloody awful.

When this starts happening in every major city, will you listen then? Or will you sit safely at home and pretend it doesn't involve you too.

If you've ever wondered whether you're more dom or sub, just consider whether you prefer Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny.

I had some gnarly farts today. That is all.

Christians are waiting for the second coming of christ. I call bullshit. Every boy has at least a couple wet dreams during puberty.

Every single time an @mls.bsky.social broadcast shows me the stat that says the team that's winning is most likely to win the game

Sporting Kansas City has just made history by winning an MLS game without registering a single shot. Not just a shot on goal, a single shot at all. That's how bad the the LA Galaxy are this season. #MLS #LAGalaxy #SportingKC

If you feel like you're not getting a direct answer from me its because either a) I literally don't know wtf you're talking about but I'm trying to stay engaged, or b) you're saying some dumbass shit and I haven't decided how passive aggressive I am going to be yet #ADHD

Donald Trump is the greatest liar our country has ever had, and that's no small feat.

Trump: "I don't have 100% confidence in anything, I don't have 100% confidence that we'll finish this interview" Terry Moran: "We will" Me:

I could die for some mashed potatoes and gravy right now

When even this piece of crap thinks you're off base you know you're a complete joke.

MLS Sunday Night Soccer is in Portland and that means it's time for another round of 'drink every time they mention Evander'. #MLS #PortlandTimbers #RCTID

Shocker 🙄

🔥🔥🔥

Timbers starting Kamal Miller again is so frustrating. He has been awful so far this year.

Putting on a warm pair of socks right out of the dryer is one of the best feelings a human can experience.

Well done 🙌

Not me, running outside with a carton of eggs because some idiot is doing donuts in the middle of our road at 10pm