im all for higher land use density but i draw the line at pickleball

rome wasn't burned in a day

....fascinating

life has me by the throat and she is not a generous lover

whenever i think about comedy, whenever I think about the art of wordplay, i come back to this joke, which I believe is perhaps the greatest ever delivered

porn parody of reacher called reacharounder and instead of it being about solving a murder it's about gay sex

You dont like amputee porn? I guess you just hate the disabled then....

"this train is bound for air-" fuck yeah let's go buddy

hackers (1995)

fortnite

balls deep in a tang dynasty vase from the sixth century worth countless millions of dollars

every amab queer has that one aggressively cis aggressively straight male childhood friend who's low key kinda toxic but in a funny way who doesn't fully get the whole queer thing but does his best to be supportive

it me in the back

No my relationship with Rainbow Dash is NOT open, it's ajar

coined and then immediately lost my ability to use the phrase "trauntie" (a trans auntie)

thanks mark

these days tech is big business. seems like everywhere you look there's a new website, computer program, or tech gizmo

sex is honestly so ridiculous. oh wow lemme just rub this orifice. my brain is pumping out so many chemicals rn, here have some fluids. then it's over and like thanks man, cool. now im sweaty and gotta change my sheets and also i love you and we should get married immediately

this man sucked me off behind mary's for 25 dollars and a half a thing of poppers

peace without A/C is just pee

my transmasc baddie call me an otter the way i munch on that CLAM

microdosing being a horse (eating oat crunch cereal with oat milk)

dafoe is kiki devito is bouba

ron jeremy is the richard feynman of gooners

me: walking into my parent's dining room to behold the thanksgiving spread the humble turkey leg:

my shooter an oyster he an old bae

the kennedy curse comes for the dead kennedys

when a former horse girl begins to transition ftm (horse man. the joke is that horseman,

ok, dad, sure thing

for the last time, you aren't "living your best life," you're having a psychotic break

there's no problem that a couple PBRs can't make me think I've solved

i know im in the right circles if i have to specify which bauhaus im talking about

They gave me a choice between a great memory and a piss fetish What did you choose? I dont reamamber

"cars don't have parents"

if you start listening to woodpecker no. 1 at 11:56:53 on new years eve then the part where it goes eeeeeeeeeewowowowowowowowowo will happen at exactly midnight

based and malört-pilled

royal hemophilia is gods funniest disease. the butcher queen gives birth to a blood-cursed family, whose sons and heirs are so fragile they cant do a thing for themselves without bleeding out, their royal blood too pure and noble to even clot as it stains the sheets of silk plundered from the empire

ive been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to make a joke about "kegelian dialectics" but its not coming so just pretend i made one and it was really funny

im bricked up like amontillado

a "popper back shot," aka a "backdoor enabler,"

she call my dick "cheney" the way it shoots at random

call that pussy 9/11 the way it was all bush

there's something about major world leaders - the type who eventually become playable characters in sid meier's civilization - that makes for great cat names

that one story about kant and his coffee except it's me and lip balm

my shooter an oyster he's an old bae