Ok this is a truly great tweet

Lucifer's Friend is my favorite band that from their name sounds like they'd make King Diamond music but in fact they make Billy Joel music.

What idiot decided to name him PaRappa The Rapper and not Dog E. Fresh?

I've never found a picture of a Chihuahua and Irish Wolfhound crossbreed. When I have a real job I'm tempted to pay through the nose to breed some myself, although I'm fairly certain the result will be a medium-sized, uglycute dog.

What was Tyler Perry thinking when he named it 'Madea's Arctic Adventure' instead of 'Funky Cold Madea?'

Remember in Indian In The Cupboard (the movie not the book) when he brings the T-Rex and Robocop and Darth Vader to life and you're like 'Why isn't this the movie?'

When I was a kid, you'd go to school and one of the rich kids who had the Internet in their home would pull out a 3 1⁄2 inch floppy disk and be like, 'There's a bitmap of a naked lady on this. I stayed up all night downloading it after I found it on Lycos.'

It's weird how conservatives are labeled as 'Frightened by change.' If there was a new technology that would make trees extinct but make stockholders $15,000 richer, that's a big change, and the more left wing people are, the more they would be against it.

I realize that both in this video and in broader politics, there's more important things to concern ourselves with, but frankly I don't want to talk about any of the issues until someone explains what on earth is going on with that guy's bellybutton.

I found this picture circa 2005 on a blog post about depictions of the abominable snowman in pop culture. I just found it on my computer today. Every time I see it, all I can think about is how, with that little body fat and wearing so little, hypothermia is a bigger threat than the monster.

I just spilled Scotch all over my trousers! Luckily, they have Scotch guard.

I got fired from my job for using the company credit card to subscribe to a magazine called Milfs in Skorts.

It's weird how 'rely on the kindness of strangers' has become part of the cultural lexicon to describe points in one's life where a stranger actually helped, because that's really not what that line was about in the play.

I can't offhand think of any bands I really like from Korea or Spain, which is weird because both those places have gigantic music scenes. Please suggest Korean and Spanish recording artists for me to check out.

I watched It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World the other day and this reminds me a lot of the scene with the car in that movie.

How great could the technology of Atlantis be if they let it all sink and be forgotten? I'm thinking the Atlantians were maybe a bit cocky about their civilization.

We're on week 3 of YouTube's algorithm begging me to care about Counterpoints, but I was never a huge fan of her and I'm not going to care about whatever drama is going on with her. I refuse to even learn what the drama is about.

The other day someone sent me a message saying 'Just be yourself, and stop being so melodramatic.' and didn't see the irony.

Norms don't know, and don't care, about the subtle differences between different counterculture movements. To many norms, a weird looking person is a hippie. Period.

It's weird how late thirties early forties is apparently when the funny people I've known in my life either start doing stand up comedy or stop doing stand up comedy.

@merriam-webster.com I was just teaching students about acute and obtuse angles and thinking about how weird it is that there are all these words that mean something totally different and unrelated in math. What's up with that? Are protractors protracted in some way?

Tag yourself I'm this guy

Do you love to vaccum? Then try Nature's Own Granola Bars!

Why hasn't Disney greenlit an animated movie set in India? They have the world's largest population and they are having kids more than China, and kids watch cartoons, and India's film industry is very popular. It just seems like a no-brainer from a business perspective.

I kind of wonder if my atypical sexual interests are in some way informed by my really crappy ability to sus the gender/birth sex of singers.

Historian of abolition here, history tells us how we got here, to put it succinctly “John Brown was hanged for treason and Robert E. Lee was not.”

Roots.

Flying squirrels are probably really unpleasant to leave near. I live near non-flying squirrels, and they like to sit in trees and drop pine cones on people's heads for fun. If they could fly, they'd basically be B-52 rodents.

How can you tell your writer friend is intended to work on that book they've been writing yesterday? Their house has never been cleaner.

Heather Graham is at an age where Hollywood says she can only play moms. I don't care if she's 100. She was born to play porn stars with issues.

It's pretty annoying how when someone is dying and you shout 'I know CPR!' people expect you do do something about the dying person. Maybe I just wanted to boast about knowing CPR.

'I don't understand why she keeps going back to him when she knows he's no good for her.' he stated, then proceeded to the same Jack-In-The-Box that gave him diarrhea last week, and the week before that.

They named the cereal Life so nobody would be surprised that it sucks.

Nobody poops anymore. Remember when we were kids and people were pooping all over the place? Now kids these days are too busy playing their Nintendos. It's because of all this woke nonsense. Thanks Obama! 😡

Another exciting day in the world at Charged LBH!

My keybord i broken.

A woman I was dating just told me 'For a beta, you're one of the good ones.' I think she legitimately wanted to cheer me up. I just don't know what to say anymore, except I'm glad my doctor prescribed me buspirone along with the regular cocktail of antidepressants.

When I was in high school my friends and I would get together and watch horror movies every Friday. One friend's parents were really strict and we wanted him to come, so I told his parents that James Stewart was in Return of The Living Dead 3.

Idea for a cover band ZZ Bottom. Zz Top cover band but it's all people who are on the receiving end in a sexual scenario. This idea is terrible. Note to self: do not hit send!

Whomever decided to make Canadian and American coins the same sizes should probably be fired.

I'm watching Temple of Doom. By that I mean Temple of Doom is playing and I'm on my phone googling 'Language spoken in Shanghai in 1935' and 'vampire bat distribution' and feeling oh so smug about knowing more than a movie.

@merriam-webster.com How come if someone dies from being outside too much we say they died from 'exposure to the elements?' Elements exist indoors as well. Don't they?

They should make a video game called Womb Raider, where Laura Croft delivers abortions.

When I was a little kid I was really looking forward to the part of having a job where you cut out comic strips from the newspaper and taping them where other people could see.

Q: What's the only thing more cliche than saying 'I'm straight edge?' A: Saying 'I used to be straight edge.'

'I have to go really bad. Could we please stop talking about gay people that we know and get to the part where we pee on the flags?' and now I'm banned for life from PFLAG meetings.

[Sam Altman watching The Thomas Crown Affair] This is a lot of work to go through just to steal one piece of art.

More zoo animals, and a tender moment between lovers, read all about it at Charged LBH! tinyurl.com/ShanghaiZooH...

I need to return this key lime. It didn't open anything. I get Florida keys every time I go to a hotel in Tallahassee. You would think more doctors would use a skeleton key in amputations.

I just heard there's a Ren fair in town. I can't wait to go. I just wish there was also a Stimpy fair.