Nice to see Beckham holding his red wine by the stem of the glass there. Because as we all know, in the brief time the human hand holds a red wine glass by the bowl it can raise the temperature of the vinous content to 750 fucking centigrade.

Suggestion. All national anthems should be the Scottish national anthem. Sorry Brasil, but yours is FUCKING SHIT.

Destroyed. That's what 14 miles in two days does to a soft Romanian dog. I am willing to bet money that she has never been more tired or happier. (For anyone concerned, these miles were in shady Scottish forests with plenty of dips in the cool burns)

Quantum entanglement is a phenomenon where particles become linked and instantly affect each other's states, no matter the distance between them. Which I feel somehow goes some way to explaining the relationship between the ball, and that little bit where they put the ball, when taking a corner.

It is clear that the Scots are LYING to us to keep the country free of the ENGLISH. There is WARMTH. There is SUNSHINE. There are NO MIDGES. There are BABBLING GLENS and whatever the fuck a MUNRO is (possibly an amphibian of some type) and brown drink that makes you SLEEPY.

Spied a small house on Loch Ard on our walk today. Might buy it. It's not actually for sale, but I am sure the current owners will capitulate when faced with a crisp 5 pound note, a large Romanian rescue dog, and my wife.

Today we have mostly been walking through the Argyll forest around Loch Ard. It was a fabulous day, the heat offset by the shady pines and the cool water of the loch.

Suggestion: at the #WorldCup all national anthems should be replaced with whatever song topped the chart in that country on the same day in 1986.

The high road, babbling burns and bracket fungus. Argyll Forest path. Near Ardgarten.

Tonight I are mostly be beside a loch.

Sorry but FUCK OFF WITH THE HELICOPTERS

Sorry but there's no way that table is 250 years old.

Just listened to a performance of John Cale's 4'33". Really enjoyed it 10/10 no notes.

Enjoying the #WorldCup #PortugalvsDRCongo BBC studio commentary team of Wayne Rooney, Olivier Giroud and Gael Clichy. They're doing really well especially considering they all speak English as a second language.

Wow! Spain being held to a scoreless draw by Cape Verde. For context, that's the equivalent of a team like Liverpool being held to a scoreless draw by Newcastle Utd. #WorldCup

I don't want to worry anyone, but I think Tarquin is being held hostage.

For any of my American friends who may be watching the foopball I shall be sharing some #WorldCupFacts about the competing nations. Today: England. England won in 1966 by mistake. You would be hard-pressed to know this if you visited England in a World Cup year, as hardly anyone ever mentions it.

Someone just asked me to boycott the World Cup, and no, I won't be doing that. For a start, it's already fucking happening, so my not watching it will make absolutely zero difference.

#WorldCup #NEDJPN Will someone PLEASE shoot that cunt with the drum

For any of my American friends who may be watching the foopball I shall be sharing some #WorldCupFacts about the smaller nations competing. Today: Scotland. Originally a fictitious country invented by English poet Robert Burns, Sotland last qualified for the #WorldCup in 1930.

For any of my American friends who may be watching the foopball I shall be sharing some #WorldCupFacts about the smaller nations competing. Tonight: Switzerland. Contrary to popular belief, Switzerland invented neither cuckoo clocks nor chocolate. They did however invent incest and rabies.

Hydration break? HYDRATION BREAK!? YOU WILL HAVE A SLICE OF FUCKING ORANGE AT HALF TIME AND YOU WILL FUCKING LIKE IT.

Been marshalling at a 10k fell run today. Decided to take the rescue dogs for some socialisation with the runners and other marshalls etc. Here you can see they are fully engaged and revelling in the atmosph.... ah.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Well I definitely remember stubbing my toe on the way to the toilet in the early hours of last Friday morning and I've just done it again so George Santayana can fuck right off.

Everyone's relationship with food is different. Before judging what's on someone else's plate, remember that you may not know what challenges they are overcoming just to eat it. Every small victory counts. 😊
 #ARFID #EatingDisorderAwareness #AutismAwareness #NeverGiveUp

Well anyway, at least Le Tour will be (mostly) held in France this year, to the relief of all. #TourDeFrance #Please-God-Dont-Let-This-Get-Fucked-Up-This-Year-I-Dont-Think-I-Could-Bear-It

Add or remove one letter from a film title to make it more Bluesky. I'll start. Dead Pets Society -- (going to take shit for this one if it makes the Discover feed 😂)

Too easy. Share someone who looks stylish wearing animal print

@wulfhelm.bsky.social #ShitBirdTapestry

Overspent at the farm shop again. I now own 600 hectares of arable fields in Lincolnshire.

I am avoiding Ai by not reading any books nor listening to any music created after 1576 AD. I consider this to be a reasonably safe cut-off point.

So where's the 2030 World Cup being held?

My dog is suggesting that you all want me to give her the last pepperoni slice. Is this true? #DogsOfBluesky

Fuck

There is an early day motion opposing the EHRC statutory guidance being accepted, it has been submitted in such way to minimise Parliamentary scrutiny. Please consider requesting your MP to oppose it.

Can't seem to sign in to Bluesky on my PC any more and phone is a bit fucking fiddly. Is this the end? This is the end, beautiful friend, this is the end, my only friend, the end.

One of Mrs P's lupins. Ridiculous colours. Absolutely bloody tasteless. Sometimes nature is no better than that Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen.

Fair warning: if anybody approaches me wearing spectacles that look vaguely like this I will be punching them in the throat. This, of course, is an empty threat as if any humans I do not recognise break my 854 metre seclusion perimeter I dive into a hedge. gizmodo.com/apple-is-off...

If a football match final can't be decided after 90 minutes and extra time then they should just say right, fuck you, nobody fucking won it. Who won the Champions League 2026 final? Nobody. Nobody fucking won it. Better luck next year.

Waymo has just launched robotaxi testing in London. No consultation with drivers and no plan for the hundreds of thousands of people whose income depends on this work. Sign now: the.organise.network/campaigns/no...

The tiny dog is back from being spayed. Instead of the cone of shame though she has a post-op shirt. MUCH better idea. Less stressful, easier to eat / drink, and if you have a second dog like we do, it stops BOTH dogs from licking the op site. Just have to undo a couple of poppers when she toilets.

"Blemish". That's a rather pleasing word isn't it. It gives me confidence. It has a sort of woody quality about it.

They're going to divide the matches up into four quarters, aren't they.

From the article (which is actually about cheese slices, not burgers): "There’s something disturbing about a slice of “cheese” that looks almost identical after 5 years in a cupboard." Actually mate, that doesn't sound disturbing, that sounds FUCKING AWESOME. www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/fo...

Fuck this "Health and Safety" madness. Bring back the old days when you could send your children down the asbestos mines and maim yourself on poorly maintained machinery. We've all gone fucking soft these days. I mean for fuck's sake I only lost the one eye due to management's careless... (cont P94)

Gosh what an absolute smasher of an idea! A half-time show! Well, I was starting to have doubts about watching any of the FIFA World Cup, but I shall be sure to tune in on my radiogram now! I have no idea how "soccer" has managed to survive for the last 17.5 thousand years without a half (cont. P94)

@bobfry.bsky.social If you're missing yours again Bob, look no further for the culprit. Mind you, I think I'd just let it lie, he has an awful temper.

Beautiful evening. Thought about having a BBQ, but then realised that I'm not a neanderthal and also I have a perfectly good air fryer.

Having a banana. I made it from scratch though so it's OK. I mean I didn't grow the fucker, don't get me wrong, but I did all of the looking at the bananas in the fruit bowl, choosing a banana, picking up the banana, peeling the banana and shoving the fucker in my gob totally from scratch.