If you've always hankered after a pair of Hi Viz Cargo Combat Holster Pockets Tactical Working Work Trouser Trousers Pants Jeans, then the MS9s are the Hi Viz Cargo Combat Holster Pockets Tactical Working Work Trouser Trousers Pants Jeans for you!

Awwww look. The lady toad is giving the man toad a piggy-back up our garden path tonight. He must be tired. See Alt text.

Dear Scotland. You seem quite normal. Would you have space for 1 x Johnny Nice Painter, 1 x Mrs Nice Painter, 1 x smol dog, 1 x medium dog, 50,000 x bees. We'll be very quiet. 🙏

Just been out for the last dog walk and saw these two rather fine-looking chaps (or chapesses?) on the path. Went back out with the camera, turned on the flash, pointed, and hoped for the best. Came out better than I expected!

Dinner: carrot and orange salad with raisins, cranberries and pecans in a lemon honey dressing. Mangetout and green bean salad with toasted hazelnuts in a sesame and olive oil dressing. Leftovers from last night. Posted becase I thought you might like to look at something orange that isn't a cunt.

I only read articles my algorithms feed me when I'm pissed but I refuse to accept this one: Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen has the worst lyrics of ALL TIME! Sure "only time will tell if we stand the test of time" is shit, but c'mon, surely we can think of songs with waaaay shitter lyrics??

Many people¹ have expressed interest in the "changed circumstances" of the lady mentioned below. Unfortunately she had to go to prison for murder; armed robbery of post offices and haberdasheries; the theft of sacred objects; perjury; bigamy; inciting prostitution; kidnapping and extortion -- ¹ Two

Mesmerising choreography at the Winter Paralympics opening ceremony. On Channel 4 (UK) now if you're interested.

First egg from our adopted¹ Araucana hen. The Araucana egg is the one in the middle by the way. The photo really doesn't do justice to how blue it is. An Araucana hen is shown on the right. -- ¹ The lady who had her was unable to keep hens any longer due to changed circumstances.

This is EXACTLY like that time when I was 6 years old and I tried to join together 12 AA batteries to try and light up a domestic light bulb.

It's all about the Bumble #Bees on the heather this morning. They are outnumbering the honey bees by about 5 to 1. Look at this hairy arse!

I'm going to enter "miserable git" mode here and why not. How many fucking flavours of hot cross buns are really necessary? Are our collective palates so jaded that they can't cope with the basic enjoyment of cinnamon and nutmeg and they must be assaulted with fucking Giblet and Crayon or some shit?

Ant-eye... ant's eye... ants' eye... ant-eye's... LOOK, if you were an ant in our garden, this is what the newly-emerging wild garlic would look like, OK? #Spring #WildPlants

Crocuses... croci... crocus... crocusse.. there is more than one crocus resplendent in the sunshine this morning. The bees are finding some forage there too. #Bees #Flowers

...and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky, Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on. From Musée des Beaux Arts, W H Auden. See alt text for painting and full poem.

I have no memes.

Anyone fancy a bag of pork scratchings?

The honey bees are on the heather. Spring has sprung. P.S. Yes there were plenty of bumble bees as well

Won't be long until we'll be bringing in the first harvest of the year!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FOOLED YOU ALL! IT'S NOT REALLY DOLPHIN IT'S KITTEN

Very sorry dolphins, but you have no business being this fucking tasty. Yes, yes, yes. Don't fucking worry. It's tuna-friendly dolphin. Jesus Christ 🙄

Look, it might *seem* like the world is going to shit right now, but that's only because it is.

Nope

Walk back 20 years. Imagine how incredulous you would be at the state of things today. Now imagine the state of things in 20 years time. What might you find incredulous now that could happen then? USA invading the UK? A single global social media platform? Pencils that turn into rubber marmots?

Greens: Here are the things we stand for please vote for us. Voters: OK ✅ Matt Goodwin: THAT'S CHEATING

I keep reading these two quotes and with each reading they become more and more unfathomably stupid.

Without detracting from Green's well-deserved victory, and as expected as it might have been, can we all just take a moment to savour this:

A new politics of hope was born this morning. We do not need to be the cruel nation that Badenoch, Starmer and Farage want. @zackpolanski.bsky.social and the Green Party have shown us we have a choice.

Probable BBC News headline: STUNNING VICTORY FOR REFORM OVER LABOUR

Nothing more fascinating that Spicy Food Top Trumps. Well done Bluesky, you have found something more fucking tedious that jam/cream first.

In honour of the Sunday Telegraph's editor and offical maddest columnist, we have created the Allister Heath headline generator... stirring-fox-7e1fab.netlify.app

Well I have to say that this is jolly good

I have an idea. Let's just burn everything to the fucking ground.

The Dignity of Dog #DogsOfBluesky

I could happily listen to Jodie Foster reading things for a quite long time indeed. youtu.be/xJBAK9Gf5bM?...

At times I will read with wide-eyed awe something like W H Auden's Musée des Beaux Arts, or inwardly gasp at the beauty of a Bruegel painting. At other times though I will drop a Malteser on the floor and decide that I will, in fact, dust it off and eat it. On balance then; bit of a twat.

This photograph was taken by Mrs P on 23rd June 2016. It is the street in Battersea where we lived at the time. Talk about fucking foreshadowing.

OK the first draft was way too short so sent this one:

Too much?

I sincerely hope that this dessert is for a family of 12. I suspect, however, that it is not.

RIGHT. WHAT FUCKER PUT THAT "H" IN EXORBITANT. COME ON. DON'T BE SHY. LET'S BE 'AVING YOU. I'VE GOT ALL FUCKING EVENING. YOU'RE ONLY WASTING YOUR OWN TIME.

OK. Full confession. I'm a cheap bastard so I went for the Dalmore @ £85,000. I'm not going to waste my fucking money on Fever Tree Ginger Ale though because of their fucking exhorbitant pricing. So Happy Shopper Ginger Ale it is.

Very usefully this online store provides not just the bottle price, but also the price per litre. Very useful when you're doing price comparisons / shopping on a budget.

Well. Everything is going to seem slightly shit for a bit now that the #WinterOlympics are over.

Look at these lazy fuckers. This is supposed to be "Ski Mountaineering". They're not mountaineering. They're just walking. I could fucking do that¹ -- ¹ Note: I could not do that

THAT SPEED SKATING RELAY FINAL WAS FUCKING MENTAL!!!! #WinterOlympics

Sorry I forgot to take a picture of my poke bowl because I am watching the freeski halfpipe final at the #WinterOlympics WHY AREN'T YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FREAK!