Drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper will cure any status effects, but it will not restore your health.

Nice sweater! I just bought the same one AT THE GARBAGE DUMP

Guy at party has YouTube video to show you

Thinking about the title "Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit". For a certain style of movie naming, this is the absolute peak.

NYTimes, as usual, denying Trump any agency. He said Alex Pretti was suspect for carrying a gun. That's why this ICE shooting got more heat than others. Other victims of ICE were also baselessly accused of being dangerous extremists, so that's not the line.

I am carving out a space in my heart where joy still exists in small and large doses. When I post the things that make me happy - that's me acting against the fascists trying to destroy what I love in this country. There has to continue to be joy amidst the sorrow

I'm going to start a thread of small nice things that happen to me

Having house guests while you've got a baby is so funny. I'm constantly furious at them for talking too loud, leaving anything on the floor, and for breaking all the very delicate, opaque systems we have in place. "Do not put your dish in the gray basin! Your dish goes in the taupe basin!"

Surely someone did "Trump talks about his close personal friend, The Grinch", right? Like probably 5 years ago

In 2013 software teams had a 47 step process to release software and the first step was "pick a name for the release. It should be the name of a specific Jawa from the Star Wars expanded universe. Do not reuse names. Have fun with it!"

Yes, I am cooking for my son and his wife. It's his thirtieth birthday

What idiot called him Chris Gaines and not Darth Brooks

Who put a Kinect in the little free library? Show yourself

No offense, but I don't have anything else to say to you. Don't want to get into any more trouble than I already am. You'd better go.

After a seizure I enter a cooldown where I am extra susceptible to power attacks

Thinking about the Harrison Ford cameo in Rise of Skywalker and wishing it had instead been Ewan McGregor telling Kylo that he sucks and he's the source of his own unhappiness and he'll get to meet Anakin when he stops worshipping Vader

I know this is humbug of me, but "Do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?" is truly insipid dialogue

My brother in law is the product manager for duo mobile. I asked if he'd seen the viral post about him. He hadn't, and thought this was very funny. "There's actually a good reason we do this" he started to say

Happy Big Bag of Cash Wednesday! Celebrate by taking a big bag of cash from someone!

Hope everyone has a good Big Bag of Cash Wednesday tomorrow!

I walk into the nursery. My son looks at me and says, very clearly, "fuck face". His first words. My eyes fill with tears.

Reminder that after Cyber Monday comes Giving Tuesday and after Giving Tuesday comes Big Bag of Cash Wednesday

Sometimes I wish there was an Internet where you didn't have to hear from Europeans

What creature drinks coffee in the morning, diet dr pepper in the day, and miller high life at night? -- The Sphinx's New Riddle

Nepobaby Arlo Guthrie

The only upside to that terrible season of the Bear is that the next season could feature Dick Portillo as a villain

The best form of grocery shopping is making a stop at a store for one specific item

back on my "fee fi fo fum" shit

Just remembered this guy Rob challenging me and my friend to a literal pissing contest (for distance) in high school. He said his uncle was a cowboy and taught him the secret to pissing long distances

My wife waited until I got really sad to try to unionize which really bummed out because I tend to run my marriage like we are family

The two best musical performances I've seen live were: Queen's Somebody To Love at the Fly Honey Show in 2018ish The baritone solo in Beethoven's Ninth, performed in a church in Passau, Germany in 2006

(trying to imagine the fanciest thing possible) horween car interior

Imagining a mid 2010s movie based on JENGA. it's also a dystopian YA movie, about some mega city composed of towers, and an external moves the towers'component blocks higher up. The higher your block, the better your life. But the higher the tower, the less stable society becomes for everyone

I made a big call on a project I'm running and it turned out to be 80% right and would've been 100% if I'd realized I was supposed to use prolog

You KILLED him? You killed my HUSBAND? Oh no! This isn't what I wanted! I wish I had never seen you! Get out of here %PCRace! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!

Axes include the war axe and battle axe.

I brought my baby to the barbershop and the barbers were very excited to meet him

They literally bled the man dry and now they are trying to monetize a wraith. And in service of, once again, giving Stan sole credit for everything Marvel has ever done

Going to my happy place (Swiss Jolly-Ball at the MSI)

To this day, the greatest joke I've ever seen someone make in person is when my friend Erik said "I'm Peter Frampton Geraci. Do you feel like we do? Call now for a free info tape"

Get blood work done when you're young so you know if your results as you get older are anomalous or typical!

Yeah so it's called "ambient music" and it kind of just sounds like the first half second of the Simpsons theme song but stretched out for twenty minutes

I'm glad that we don't have to hear George Carlin's take on anything that happened this week

I fell in love with Chicago the first time I went there in the summer of 1994. More in love than ever today

"have a great summer, I'll never forget you!" - 7th grade yearbook message to a guy who I know only remember for playing an animal tamer in Star Wars: Galaxies

The eye exam is the perfect game design. That big E is a great tutorial that teaches you the basic mechanic. But it doesn't baby you and quickly gets hard as they introduce the small and blurry enemies.

Dreamt of a guy named John Pacman who was planning on suing Namco

The moment a baby puts their head down on you, and gives the little baby sigh to say "okay the day is done" - that's the best moment, just stretch it out into infinity

I impressed several people at the party by telling them that 8x16 is 256