I walk into the nursery. My son looks at me and says, very clearly, "fuck face". His first words. My eyes fill with tears.

Reminder that after Cyber Monday comes Giving Tuesday and after Giving Tuesday comes Big Bag of Cash Wednesday

Sometimes I wish there was an Internet where you didn't have to hear from Europeans

What creature drinks coffee in the morning, diet dr pepper in the day, and miller high life at night? -- The Sphinx's New Riddle

Nepobaby Arlo Guthrie

The only upside to that terrible season of the Bear is that the next season could feature Dick Portillo as a villain

The best form of grocery shopping is making a stop at a store for one specific item

back on my "fee fi fo fum" shit

Just remembered this guy Rob challenging me and my friend to a literal pissing contest (for distance) in high school. He said his uncle was a cowboy and taught him the secret to pissing long distances

My wife waited until I got really sad to try to unionize which really bummed out because I tend to run my marriage like we are family

The two best musical performances I've seen live were: Queen's Somebody To Love at the Fly Honey Show in 2018ish The baritone solo in Beethoven's Ninth, performed in a church in Passau, Germany in 2006

(trying to imagine the fanciest thing possible) horween car interior

Imagining a mid 2010s movie based on JENGA. it's also a dystopian YA movie, about some mega city composed of towers, and an external moves the towers'component blocks higher up. The higher your block, the better your life. But the higher the tower, the less stable society becomes for everyone

I made a big call on a project I'm running and it turned out to be 80% right and would've been 100% if I'd realized I was supposed to use prolog

You KILLED him? You killed my HUSBAND? Oh no! This isn't what I wanted! I wish I had never seen you! Get out of here %PCRace! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!

Axes include the war axe and battle axe.

I brought my baby to the barbershop and the barbers were very excited to meet him

They literally bled the man dry and now they are trying to monetize a wraith. And in service of, once again, giving Stan sole credit for everything Marvel has ever done

Going to my happy place (Swiss Jolly-Ball at the MSI)

To this day, the greatest joke I've ever seen someone make in person is when my friend Erik said "I'm Peter Frampton Geraci. Do you feel like we do? Call now for a free info tape"

Get blood work done when you're young so you know if your results as you get older are anomalous or typical!

Yeah so it's called "ambient music" and it kind of just sounds like the first half second of the Simpsons theme song but stretched out for twenty minutes

I'm glad that we don't have to hear George Carlin's take on anything that happened this week

I fell in love with Chicago the first time I went there in the summer of 1994. More in love than ever today

"have a great summer, I'll never forget you!" - 7th grade yearbook message to a guy who I know only remember for playing an animal tamer in Star Wars: Galaxies

The eye exam is the perfect game design. That big E is a great tutorial that teaches you the basic mechanic. But it doesn't baby you and quickly gets hard as they introduce the small and blurry enemies.

Dreamt of a guy named John Pacman who was planning on suing Namco

The moment a baby puts their head down on you, and gives the little baby sigh to say "okay the day is done" - that's the best moment, just stretch it out into infinity

I impressed several people at the party by telling them that 8x16 is 256

The debate of the day rages in the summer issue of Yankee magazine

Gender swapped Uptown Funk and the only difference is it's Mekhi Phifer instead of Michelle Pfeiffer

*in a blinding vision* /Redwall/ CK3 total conversion mod

Thinking about Don Draper's desk drawer full of perfect shirts

I'm continuing to not replay KotOR2

When Jiub says "not even last night's storm could wake you", he meant a storm like this one

In case they bring back Fear Factor I want it on the record that my biggest fears are key lime pie and being given a million dollars

Thinking about the garbage sub- CTRL ALT DEL gamer webcomics that proliferated wildly for half a decade

Tailor said "oh these are nice" as he marked the hem on my new pants, so that felt good

(drinking a cup of coffee): just enjoying a big gulp. ... what? This is not a big gulp? What is it? Coffee?

My new character, guy who's never had a big gulp: oh yeah, I'd like to for sure. I've just never been in the right situation, you know?

Becoming enlightened (deciding that Led Zeppelin's plagiarism was actually fine)

Sometimes you gotta read Jack Kirby

The same way you can ban yourself from casinos you should probably be able to ban yourself from buying in booze. Like make it the law that all alcohol purchases require ID, and then offer an ID that indicates not to sell alcohol

Me: Mom, why do you only put on Disney music for the baby? He's never seen a movie Mom: he likes this music Me: he also likes Brian Eno Mom: I don't know who that is

Mom what the hell was the point of the tortilla chip blind tasting if you're going to continue to buy Donkey chips, which were barely even in the top 5?

Very often my baby will cry when I try to transfer him to the crib, so now I visualize Zack Snyder characters moving in ultra slow mo

Marc Brown finally revealed what "D W." stands for and "Arthur" fans are showing no chill

I awaken to find myself in a scraggly landscape of chocolate boulders, bigger than myself. Before I can begin gorging myself I'm falling, along with the boulders, into what I recognize is a gargantuan stand mixer. I land surprised but unharmed in a bed of flour. The mixer turns on

It never occurred to me to grill potatoes until very recently and now I am making up for lost time. Very easy! Cooks while you're getting everything else ready www.bonappetit.com/story/grille...

A woman came up to me on the sidewalk and asked if we were on the west side. We were on balbo between Michigan and Wabash. "We're almost as east as you can get", I told her