I just read that in New York, someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

You cannot be pro Trump and pro democracy at the same time

Bluesky should be called Actual Truth Social

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo

I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2025. I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m definitely not interested

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Boobytrap spelt backwards is definitely partyboob

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word

FoIIow (me)👇 for more! @sistosterone.bsky.social 👈

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk

How many dance instructors does it take to change a lightbulb? Five ... six ... seven ... eight!

Faded af is also faded af backwards

I hate autocorrect. I’m really starting to get tired of this shirt

FoIIow (us) 👇 for more! @beautifullocity.bsky.social 👈

FoIIow (me)👇 for more! @sistosterone.bsky.social 👈

Old people at weddings used to poke me and say "you're next".....well now i do the same to them at funerals

Why isnt a group of squids called a squad?

I just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that