Missed the opportunity to boo at this boat by 5 minutes…

"When my guests come over, it’s gonna be like BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes."

When I was a kid there was a man standing outside the Art Institute of Chicago and told us the turtles got their names because the creators sat across the street eating lunch and saw the names on along the top of the building.

Moseyed over to Facebook to see how a friend of a friend who is a PHARMACIST was feeling about the press conference today. You can’t tell me it’s not a cult when I see a pharmacist agreeing with this shit and suggesting that maybe “heavy metal poisoning” has something to do with autism.

When I used to commute 3+ hours a day in a car, I had a game where if I organically heard a Supertramp song, it meant I was going to have a good day.

Big soap wants you to think your hands are dirty and full of germs.

It’s incredibly stupid. Please let me have one.

Due to this bullshit, I can no longer apply to my dream job…

*whispers* As a graphic designer, I can see why Cracker Barrel changed the logo. It makes sense to me.

Driving by Valparaiso and I’m reminded that my high school valedictorian and acted like she got into Harvard. And everyone just sort of went along with it.

Had the pleasure of seeing him at The Hideout last week in front of too small a crowd. He’s a joy! You’re missing out!

This is nice.

What a missed opportunity. You could have hired local artists to these sites to create each poster. Illinois is filled with talented illustrators and painters. It would have been a great way to showcase artists.

May I humbly recommend her Tiny Desk performance youtu.be/IG76Rf28MQA?...

This is the story of my life. (Knives, peelers, graters, x-acto knives, that grad student’s wood carving tools who warned me “these are sharp” before I stabbed myself in the knuckle)

All professional graphic designers right now…

Love you little bird friend.

Then they said, "We're going to leave a space for a QR code," and we said, "That's absolutely wild. That's madness. They'll never see it coming. Do it and run. Run and never look back."

Pigeon Reddit is giving

We’re living in a Carl Hiassen book.

I’m trying to potty train a toddler. A pointless war with Iran is kinda the last thing I need right now.

I dated 2 dudes where our last date was seeing a movie. So I stopped seeing movies with dudes. That said, I saw “Little Miss Sunshine” with one of the aforementioned dates and he told me he was “disturbed” by how much I laughed.

If the American people have to relive 2003, we deserve a new Outkast album out of the bargain. Or, at the very least, an inescapable pop hit on the level of "Crazy in Love."

*dusts off my Five Iron Frenzy CDs from 1998*

We are a rich tapestry…

My sisters and I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to do Janet’s move 5 seconds in to this clip, the one where she jumps from her knees onto her feet.

Honestly, nothing will be as funny as those 2 random dudes that followed Marco Rubio around during his primary run in homemade cardboard robot costumes.

This looks like the start to an episode of The X-Files

Was in college and asked for some “taco chips” and my friend said “do you mean tortilla chips?” My family only referred to them as “taco chips,” I’d never called them anything but that.

If I were her, I would have just continued to pretend I couldn’t read. Just a life long ruse.

Please recruiters, stop making me chat with AI people and answer AI powered questions to get a job. They routinely make no sense and have nothing to do with the job description.

Immediate answer.

I could never hate you, Ben.

I spilled a glass of water on/near my laptop today. I’ll take “Rookie move” for $150, Alex It’s $150 because that’s what it costs to dry out and fix my laptop.

Happy Easter, everyone

I guess I’ll just… stop eating salad? And probably deli meat. Maybe all meat? For the next 4 years.

No Gayle, I’m not famous or wealthy and the world is on fire.

This whole thread is so good. Back in the day I had this program that would rip mp3s from YouTube videos so I still have some of these in my iTunes.

YES! I hate it so much. My feed is filled with smug food bloggers.

I have not seen Rosewood in a hot minute.

I was once given a Dodge Dart as a rental car to drive the Mass Pike. It was unfun.

It’s certainly not because I forgot something I need to make dinner and figure “I’ll go to Whole Foods during my lunch break because then at least I can get one of those pudding cups with the cake and fruit as a little treat for me”

St. Vincent performs "Digital Witness" on Later... with Jools Holland (2014)

@durbin.senate.gov Hey! I got your fundraising email, you’ve used some pretty strong language. But I don’t see anything about voting NO…

In high school I had “friends” that would openly tell me I was going to hell. At my 10 year reunion, a girl who I always thought was my friend, apologized for befriending me in high school to try and “convert” me. I have grown up to have zero tolerance for that kind of two faced bullshit.

SIR, YOU ARE IN A STEAK N SHAKE.

God damnit.

Nothing like openly sobbing on the phone with your pharmaceutical insurance while your toddler cries in the background. No better way to ruin a customer service person’s day.

Everything is awful. But as a lover of garbage, this article brought me a lot of joy.

I am finally free from giving her an exorbitant amount of money for those stupid smoothie pouches for toddlers.