Don’t tell me what the Inca theme is unless it’s “mildly famous people from Mobile.” I saw it coming down the street and said “that’s either Gomez Addams or Paul Bearer” and the scream I scrumpt when it was Paul.

Home in bed with my kitty cat listening to the Mardi Gras parade 🥰🥰🥰

I have never been so happy to hear the dulcet tones of several middle-aged Atlanta flight attendants. There’s a Diet Coke in my very near future. Homeward bound!

Comrade Jamie Lee Curtisova Poop Yogurt

Can check

BITCH THE CONFEDERATE ARMY LOST A HOME-AND-HOME SCRIMMAGE SERIES, LOST THEIR FUNDING, AND BECAME A REC SPORT 0-1 ALL TIME WORLDWIDE.

I miss my snuggly kitty. Comrade Potato Cat is not cutting it.

The universe was like “oh you’re obsessed with Heated Rivalry? Ok go spend 2 weeks in a place where everyone speaks Russian. Btw it’s -2F and you’re working the entire time.”

Near what

“Get it all on record now — get the films — get the witnesses — because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened.” Dwight D. Eisenhower, after visiting liberated concentration camps in April 1945

Join me as I travel to [redacted Central Asian country] on less than 24 hours notice! What a time to be alive!

An unformed PhD thesis about the state of the world based on the fact that the two leads of the hottest most zeitgeisty show in years are out there smoking cigarettes in public and basically none of the fangirls have any criticism. Like “as you should, boys, the world is fucked.”

Indiana bout to go to Miami with a hundred dollar bill and the Ten Commandments and break neither one.

Do you know who is feeling great right now? Ole Miss, the only semi-final team who doesn’t have to get murdered by Indiana. No one will ever be able to prove we would have lost 55-13.

Greg McElroy has been in broadcasting for 12 years?! Fetch me my cane and my hearing aids.

This is a snuff film

Incredible run for a team with a coaching staff in absolute chaos for the last couple months. Proud of the players for what they were able to do under the circumstances.

The irony of the “Rebels Stay Loyal” shirts seems to be lost on everyone but me

When your worlds collide I’m coming to the cottage but it’s in Glendale, AZ

The restaurant managers of Glendale Arizona did not prepare for the Rebels to come to town. Y’all should have every server on the roster and twice as much booze as usual.

Being rained on in Phoenix is hilarious

Nothing chattier than an airplane full of Ole Miss fans. “Where y’all from?!”

Flight from LAX to PHX delayed til 11:40 PM. Let the record reflect that I have suggested renting a large vehicle for the gaggle of Ole Miss fans in this Delta Sky Club.

My favorite thing about Sofi Stadium is that the lights on top that spell Sofi have burned out so it just says Stadium when you fly over.

/looks at national championship tickets preemptively Welp time to sell a kidney

En route to the Fiesta Bowl!

Just saw Fortune Feimster at the New Orleans airport

What’s the last car you stopped to take a photo of? Our trusty steed Barbara who carried us from Queens to Mobile.

Alright well time to work a bunch this weekend so I can go to Arizona on Wednesday.

I love my record-setting Ferris State QB and Hilltopper kicker.

The thing about that Dr Pepper commercial is why is anyone NOT a Western fan? Their mascot is a tumbleweed in a Woody costume.

Big thanks for the playlist suggestions. They’ll come in handy today. Unfortunately last night we drove the first 5 hours with no music because we couldn’t figure out the aux in the Penske. But we made it to Virginia through the power of yapping.

Crowdsourcing a playlist to listen to while driving a moving truck from Queens to Mobile starting in a few hours. Reply with a good stay-awake-while-driving song.

In fact ATL already is a level, you gotta go in the Sky Club to get away from the Snot-Nosed Crybabies and the Level 25 Karens.

Reading #DungeonCrawlerCarl while in the Atlanta airport and I have some ideas for a level

About to watch ep 6 of Heated Rivalry with @glenmaffews.bsky.social lets gooooooo to the cottage!

I’ve been on the road with my mom since Friday. I can’t wait until 24 hours from now when I’m alone on the couch with my cat, a bag of Chex mix, and a new Heated Rivalry. Don’t call don’t write.

Christmas tamales rock

Update: KOBE

Update we just finished, it took four of us, and the dad of the house got out of doing it because he was preaching a Christmas Eve service smh

No cheeses for us meeses

Tonight’s assembly project for Aunt Alli, aka Santa’s Drunkest Elf: a couple of scooters and a basketball goal

Shoutout to the guy in the parking lot waiting for Ubers after the Ole Miss game who just paid some randos for a grocery bag of Fireball minis, tossed the sack on his shoulder, and trotted away yelling “I feel like the Grinch!”

Tis the season

My mom, about 50 Cent: “I don’t know who that is.” Me: “An American hero.”

No one: Vanity Fair:

Mel Brooks having to bury Rob Reiner is against all laws of nature and I’m not ok about it

I highly encourage you to YouTube “80s Christmas specials with commercials”

I’m literally wearing this outfit