Come listen to me be mean, then feel bad about being mean, then double down on being mean 🤗

You’re not enjoying Edgar Wright movies as much as you used to because you’re not 15 anymore. Hope that helps.

As an A-Lister, if I see two movies in a single day, the CEO of AMC should text me to say they’re proud of me

Sort of afraid I’m never going to top the feeling of Dick Cheney dying and Zohran winning in the same day

Now if Zohran wins we’re legally required to party

I just walk around looking like this all the time now

I’m fine how are you guys

“SO much better than the Mona Lisa. That shit is TINY” —Girl next to me at MoMa as we look at Van Gogh’s Starry Night

POV: you are trying to live your life but I have access to my phone

Today we discuss how the polka dot dress lady is the hero we need right now, Bugonia, After the Hunt, Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere, and The Perfect Neighbor. I liked 2 of these films! ✨

Seems important that people saying Jeremy Allen White sounds like Bruce in Deliver Me From Nowhere know that they may literally be hearing Bruce’s voice? lol

The old dudes at the Springsteen movie did NOT vibe with the trailer for wicked

This times a billion. As my friend @allisonkilkenny.bsky.social once put it in her book, “Don’t get yourself a team, get yourself some fucking values.”

Tenderly relocated a spider directly into a 50 mph Nor’easter wind gust. Little guy is gonna wake up in Virginia confused as hell

Stretching and warming up for my Give Rose Byrne an Oscar Nom campaign

One thing about me is if I meet your cat I will be photographing them like they’re family

Don’t think you want to see a PTA film? NOT ON MY WATCH.

Featuring my neighbor’s absolutely feral child who can occasionally be heard screaming in the background ✨

Justice for Aunt Gladys 🤡

Saw Weapons again with friends and my fav is when the immediate response is “Oh what the FUCK Allison???” 🤌🏻

To the woman who rolled an entire cooler into an AMC theater: I’d vote for you for president if I could

POV: I just took my anxiety meds and it’s 10PM and I’m texting you

A near-fist fight AND two applause breaks occurred at our screening of Weapons, a movie that totally rules

In many ways film is so important

Today we discuss a couple good films and maybe one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, The Home (2025), starring Mr. Pete Davidson.

The most annoying girl you know is going to loooove singing Chappell Roan’s The Subway at karaoke

I fuck with Eddington hard

Realizing I have to go to two events in a single day is the emotional equivalent of being informed I’m to be executed by firing squad

“This is a bad show and I’m a piece of shit for watching it” -me explaining Love Island to my mom

The GOP is fully a death cult

Me and about 8 dads are supervising this dude trying to mow the park’s grass. He’s doing ok.

Today we discuss 28 inches-I mean 28 Years Later, a film that totally rules

These assholes are brown shirts

Humiliating

I don’t enjoy the energy of two male news anchors

throwing yourself a birthday parade has to be one of the top ten saddest things ever

You. Contain. Multitudes.* * I did not like The Life of Chuck

Here are some texts I got from an immigration lawyer friend of mine. Shared with permission. Some of the bleakest shit I’ve ever heard.

I don’t know if you’re working for ICE maybe find a job anywhere else

How your email finds me

When the lights go off on the subway that’s the conductor putting us in quiet time

spending quality time with my family, absolutely hoovering popcorn out of Stitch’s ass

The hill I will die on is Tom Cruise’s best performance is in Eyes Wide Shut and I want him to return to his true calling as Little Freak™️

had to sprint across the Brooklyn half marathon because I forgot about it and was trapped in the park 😘

Fellas is it gay to use an umbrella? Cause you’re walking around wet as hell

I have thought about Friendship every day since I saw it and rewatched the trailer multiple times

Deeply funny to show a Fantastic 4 trailer before Friendship

Hangin with the boys watchin Britbox

Ok new plan: academy members must appear on a webcam watching the films. And wear shock collars. And also if they take their eyes off the screen I get to shock them.