Julius Caesar Tunes Out Wife as She Recounts Dream www.thecanonical.net/p/julius-cae...

Samwise Gamgee Convicted of Dropping Eaves

Trump Questions Elrond's Elven Heritage

Biden Camp Defends Decision to Put Gríma Wormtongue in Charge of Debate Prep

before reading the silmarillion: "my shoes came untied" after reading the silmarillion: "a great doom fell upon me, and the bond between my laces was sundered"

Local Jazz Club Shuts Down

Wizard Raised in Muggle Society Unable to Repress True Identity

Study: Average Celestial Eats 8 Spider-men Each Year While Sleeping

Count Rugen Explains New Machine Goes to 51

Blathers Accused of Displaying Stolen Cultural Relics

Editorial: I Asked GamemasterAnthony to Plan My Birthday and It Was a Disaster

Next Generation of Westerosi Nobles Postponing Marriage After Series of Horrific Weddings

Charlotte Replaced With AI

Editor Says They Love Bilbo’s Book, but There’s No Market

Opinion: I Wish the Guy Playing Piano Wouldn't Talk About Us Like That

Monsters, Inc. Abandons Laughter After Fear Lobbyists Petition Congress

Loki Criticized for Breeding Fenrir Instead of Adopting

Red Ranger Quotes Rita Repulsa in Controversial Apparel Line

I Don't Know, Something About a Famous Work of Irish Literature and Not About Being Hungover

Julius Caesar Tunes Out Wife as She Recounts Dream

Woman Trades Most-Hated Last Name in Galaxy for Second-Most-Hated Last Name in Galaxy

Arrakis Teenagers Tricked Into Buying Orange Sand

Achaean Fleet Ruins Skyros Drag Night

Opinion: The Only Way to Stop the Killings Is to Feed Our Children to the Evil Creature in the Sewers

Donkey Kong Starting to Feel a Little Overdressed for Kart Racing

Holsten's Diner: Guest Review by Tony Soprano

Leonidas Slams Persian Empire as “Woke”

Piccolo Celebrates Family Reunion by Meditating Alone

Tense Kaiju Summit Ends with Preliminary Nuclear Breath Weapon Ban

Young Newcomer with No Experience Only Hope for Small Farm Town

welcome to palette swap :)

Weyland-Yutani Corporation Struggling to Find Consumer Applications for Xenomorph Blood

Questions Remain: How Many Did Wesley Kill as Dread Pirate Roberts

Shrek Unmoved by Lord Farquaad’s Land Acknowledgement

I am so bad at managing my social media accounts

Tom Bombadil Feigns Enthusiasm for Gift of Red Boots

Johto Supreme Court Rules That Eggs Are Pokémon

The Canonical Debates: New York Is Special Because We Have Spider-Man vs. Superheroes Are Literally Everywhere

Delighted Mobsters Still Debating How Joker Made the Pencil Disappear

Jabba Rages After Han Solo Receives Disappointing PSA Grade

Guest Column: God Responds to Bartlet’s Cathedral Outburst

Suspicious Man in Knee-Length Coat Says First Pokémon Is Free

After Destruction of Mechagodzilla, Alien Invaders Vow to Retaliate with Some Sort of Mechagodzilla

Declining Standards: Most Dinosaurs at Jurassic World Have Greater Than 50% Frog DNA

Raphael Kicked off High School Wrestling Team After Testing Positive for Performance-Enhancing Ooze

Gandalf Threatens to Sue Student for Publishing Eagle Tracking Data

Neighbors Oppose Proposal to Convert Luigi's Mansion Into Affordable Haunted Housing

Report: Devil Even Further Behind After Ill-Advised Fiddle Contest

Willy Jumps Back Over Jetty After Seeing State of World's Oceans

Neo Instantly Learns Decade-Old Memes After Zion Switches to Neuralink