As I start gearing up to launch my little video production business (JCW.GAY Productions), there's a lot of worries I have: money, energy, time, etc. But the one that I keep thinking about the most is so aggravatingly annoying: the name.

if someone hits me with a pronounced "HOWEVER" during a rules teach i start salivating like pavlov's fuckin loser

I think this just confirms that Suzanne knows how to use a knife without remorse.

You think a depressed person could make this? I don't think so.

Dang, another day, another morning where I didn't wake up next to the eclectic billionaire who I met by chance at a food court that then decided to support me in my journey predominantly financially but also romantically. Bummer.

Person: (recommends a thing) Me, cheerfully: "I'll add it to the list!" The list:

So, @factorio.com, it's WAY better when you go for the "Lazy Bastard" Achievement. I love the game, don't get me wrong, but during this run I've figured out that the reason I've dropped the game in the past was 100% because allowing hand crafting at all is a terrible design choice. 🧵

I'm sure some authors write out elaborate backstories for their characters. Meanwhile I stumble across this in my outline for a story I was working on: The main character is your typical person doing person things in city place.

Oh hey, I totally forgot to share that I did the main video for this one! Aaaand, huge congrats on fully funding as well! Go check out the page and give it a look 😁✨

Oh hey, I did music for this! Go check it out 😁✨

The golden rule: do unto others as you’d have them do unto you, but if the rule on a card conflicts with this rule, follow the rules on the card

I had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday as I realized @blueprincegame.bsky.social, a game I loved, had been wasting my time for 80+ hours, and that I wasn't enjoying it anymore. And it finally clicked why I had SUCH a strong response: Playing Blue Prince felt like my old abusive relationship.

I've been re-reading my old blog posts, Proto-Typing on BGG, and I stumbled across the line "So what do I, the arbiter of correct, think of this?" And good lord am I just tickled by that. Good job, past-me.

Dang, that's a hell of a question. Do I handle the decisions at... Myself? Do any of us? Who truly is in control of our own destiny?

I have so, so many just... Far too many opinions on Blue Prince that I'm outlining a multi-hour guide video and video essay... There's no way I actually put the time and effort into writing this out fully and producing it, right? ...right? 😥💦

Love how this one came together! Go give it a look! #boardgames

Y'all I'm so tempted:

I seriously can't thank everyone enough for all the love How to Teach has gotten the past year. We're over 1k subscribers, the channel is doing great, we've got new episodes coming out, and I'm able to afford rent. Life is really, really good. Here's to 29 🥂💙

QA testers are just like everyone else in the world, they put their pants on -1 leg at a time.

Hot ADHD/Anxiety trick! If you get anxious waiting on replies, if your messaging app has it, just archive/hide someone's chat after you send a message. Once it's out of sight, you stop worrying about it, and then it's a pleasant surprise if they respond.

(phone makes any noise) Me, like a demon: WHO DARES TO SUMMON ME!?

I did the thing, please clap. #boardgames #shelfie

I see stuff like this and my brain immediately enters early-onset ADHD hyper focus where it thinks it can do anything and starts coming up with plans on how to make a wizard game with this, and it's like... Calm down. You can put the ideas in your notes app as a treat, and then get back to work.

Man, even with better planning I still have three projects crashing down at the same time 🙃

CW: Sexual Assault As someone who went through a situation that is comparable only a week or two ago, I wish I had heard this kind of verbiage describing the situation so I could've realized how better to handle the situation, both in the moment and afterwards.

Most people wake up in a cold sweat because of a nightmare, or they came up with a genius invention, or religious experience. Meanwhile my brain wakes me up in a cold sweat to tell me that hammocks are the opposite of weighted blankets. It is 6AM 😑

"My blender of a brain produce[s] an answer smoothie" is probably the realest way I've ever described my thought process for anything.

Some photos from my photo walk the other day. #photography

There was one board game trivia question tonight, which is to say I only got one trivia question correct tonight.

Me: "So you'll eat a gummy candy if it's in the shape of a fruit?" My autism: "Or bear, yes." Me: "And any other shape is an-" My autism: "An abomination, yes."

As always, I'm super proud of the latest Kickstarter video I've put together but no matter how much I love it there's always a million things I'd love to change or fix or tweak. Done > perfect, just gotta keep telling myself that.

Filming stuff, filming stuff, filming stuff...

This will be the one The haiku that's not meta God fucking damn it

Well, flights been delayed like 6 hours, time to ponder the Pringle jellyfish in the Indiana Airport.

So! I'm gonna share this for those who might feel the same thing here at #GenCon EVERY convention, after it starts, usually at the end of a random day, my anxiety flares up, and I feel like everyone hates me and blah blah blah. It happens so often that I've now started to recognize the pattern.

Want to see some video production of mine? The new how to play video I put together for @solisgamestudio.bsky.social's Massive-Verse Fighting Card Game is up! Go give it a looksie! games.solisgamestudio.com/MassiveVerse...

Paging @derekbgayle.bsky.social that a new arcade machine popped up in my local Round1. The godzilla in the middle spins like a ballerina music box.

En route to #GenCon and I'm already feeling like I forgot twelve things, this is not a good sign.

I made an announcement on patreon that the next episode was going to be on Codenames, and I had the full script and plan for the episode done. I'm not going forward with the episode unless something is done about this, which is a shame.

YESSSSSSSSS 🥰💙

I resisted the urge to write "It's way less depressing for a client to buy a video, not part of my finite time on earth" in an email. I'm such a professional.

🥲🙏 I'm so close...

Why does camera equipment have to be so expensive 😭

Just slept for like 16 hours lol Origins into Dice Tower was definitely a lot lol

And today is the day. After almost 2 months off, we are back and streaming over at twitch.tv/punklenix Gonna go live at 10am CT Crafting and chatting as I work on these Irish Coffee Mugs and sun catchers! Come on by and say hi, I would love to see you in chat!

I need more pink tank tops in my life. Someone purchase me this pink tank top.

I dunno if I've mentioned it here, but archiving messages with people you find yourself obsessing over right after you send a message of any kind to them helps alleviate so much anxiety about being left on read by them. It's so nice, I highly recommend it to anyone with social anxiety.

Something that's *super* good for your mental health is to just archive messages and emails you're being left on read for and just forget about them. If you really care then you'll remember to follow up, and if they really care they'll send you something first.

Dangit, just got the "No" for the project I was really, *really* hoping to get. It'd have been like the single biggest move for my career so far. 😭 Welp, hopefully some of the other possibilities pull through from that otherwise the convention is like a HUGE net loss financially for me 😩

Where are all the posts talking about how awesome and cool Witches Quarrel is, and how its Kickstarter just launched? It's a quick compact legacy game and it's rad af. www.kickstarter.com/projects/rak...