If this is The Minneapolis Spring then I can’t wait for a national Southside-Style Mayday

I remember when MN was flyover country; that would be nice to have again.

Thankfully no activity on our corner tonight. Tomorrow I get to sit on my doorbell cam and watch the laundromat across the street. No, it’s not a Ring. Fuck that

That I have to sit in my car during restaurant close time and watch so people can go home safely, is bullshit.

The helicopters can fuck themselves

I cannot begin to describe my love for pink drink. Always the prettiest drink on the menu and she hates your guts.

It’s finally cold enough for me to bungee cord the turkey briner shut and let that bitch sit outside.

Also I just got married; can you tell me

Real ID requirements are a huge pain in the ass for women. Now imagine having ALL of your shit together to get one and some man infantilizes you instead of just asking where your divorce decree is?

New Ken Burns joint is probably a necessary watch right now. Throw a couple bucks at PBS while you’re at it.

People bring their children to Las Vegas? Not all places are for kids.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, had DJT blowing Bubba on the 2025 bingo card.

Over Lake Harriet, I might have fallen in love with the city again.

Kinda blurry photo of Lake Harriet tonight.

There’s a woman on TikTok currently doing a series where she calls churches and explains that she ran out of formula and her baby is hungry. Spoiler alert: the only two churches that offered help was a black church and mosque. The christians should be ashamed. Fuck your mega-church

Decorated my house on a busy-ass street and have only had two kids, I’m so sad

Some fucking bitch just plowed into me at the State and couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge I exist. Stay in the fucking burbs

Had the pleasure of sitting in front of Frey campaign worker at the Elvis Costello show last week, the way they talked shit about the candidates and non-supporters was… Something Anyways, don’t rank Frey

Has anyone checked the price of a Covid vaccine without insurance? It’s $275 I’ll leave that right there They apply a coupon to get it down to $256 *nods* Yep

Ope, Kim Bartmann did something kind of scummy? Water is wet y’all

Why are local musicians who have tended bar and who might be elected officials on the DFL ticket still cool with performing at a venue who union busted and fucked over a lot of amazing service industry folks in the process?

Trent Reznor can still get it.

JFC. Why can’t people figure out flash on phone cameras in 2025?

Selling the Outback on Friday and we’ll be a two EV household

It’s getting to be a weird humidity where the boxwoods REALLY start to smell like cat piss.

Today’s adventure in shared gender bathroom antics involved a toilet seat left up, unflushed (we’re at a brewery in OR), and TWO grown-ass men not washing their hands. Y’all are disgusting.

Apparently you can mess with Texas.

I dragged all of my houseplants inside, Minneapolis won’t even get coughed at by Derecho. You’re welcome

Happy to report that the North Loop is definitely not on fire.

A couple of days ago someone’s mother came into the store and asked for a systemic for her perennials. “We don’t use systemic on perennials, luring pollinators to your yard to kill them seems rude” She was more concerned with the aesthetic of the leaves of her plants.

Imagine giving a couple of guys “Fuck You” money and then they actually say “Fuck You” within days.

Everyone is at Minnehaha Park right now. Not a single fire

Did I just drive to and from the garden center listening to Billy Idol at an unhealthy volume? Yes Were the blue-haireds annoyed with me? Also yes.

This a silver maple tree hate account now. Pulling 5 million saplings out of my perennial beds is getting real fuckin old.

Hey friends, I’m super worried, I rode my bike from South Minneapolis to Target Field and I wasn’t murdered once. Was kinda looking forward to it.

Confidential to the person that stomped through my perennials last night; your mom is a hoe

Ted Cruz can’t grow a beard. I mean, why are there pubic hairs glued to his jowls?

Why are there people outside in LynLake? I thought it was always on fire and every person gets murdered.

Why are there people in downtown Minneapolis? I thought it was constantly on fire and the cordyceps were taking over.

All the assholes left the Gary Clark Jr show early, bye bitches

The normies who spend $80 a ticket to talk over the artist (music show) have got to be stopped.

My mailman catches me smoking weed at all hours of the day. I wonder if he and the other mailman (there are 2, they both catch me) talk about me.

Check out my p*nis cactus

Let’s make one thing clear; Elon doesn’t get a redemption arc. He still sucks.

Ok. I love the shared restroom idea, I’m not a fucking weirdo, but cis-men have got to try to live in a society. Pissing with stall doors open is not ok. Leaving seats up is not ok Jumping the line while someone is waiting is not ok. Get it together.

Idk who needs to hear this but after this mornings little bit of rain, the ground is perfect for pulling emerging creeping charlie.

People still dine at restaurants owned by Kim Bartmann? The food is mid. The prices are not. Not to mention she’s kind of a garbage person. There’s no coming back from wage theft in my book.

Men who use restrooms, leave the seat up, and piss everywhere need to start facing corporal punishment. Flog them

As a person who’s consumed a Bota Box the same way you consume a Capri-Sun (it’s okay, I’m fine now), I gotta say; this whole perimenopause thing where I have one glass of red wine and now I have to sleep in a sauna, is bullshit.

Caught Covid again, I’ll be in bed watching The Masters if you need anything.