Rain in this state is not like rain at home. It is less of the beauty of nature and more of the please do not try to cut me off in traffic I will kill us both.

I do not understand the American phenomenon where the little cheese in the microwavable things is powder. What is happening. What IS that.

Relax, cowboy. Jealousy is…. Well, it’s actually a good look on you, but I’m being very stoic and aloof right now.

Oh, but I thought I was supposed to stay away? Hmm.

Oh, okay, so you both hate me and want me to die. I understand.

Fine. I will have Chris over instead.

Come over and I’ll teach you.

Oh, so vulnerability and emotions was fine, but the cuck chair is ew? Friendship ended with Christopher, Leon Heterosexual Kennedy is my bestie now.

I am not unfamiliar with the cuck chair, Christopher. Please, continue.

WOW. I almost feel bad for the guy.

"𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕒𝕝𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕠 𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕕. 𝕀'𝕞 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕘𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕕𝕚𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕕, 𝕔𝕣𝕦𝕖𝕝, ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕠𝕤-𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕝𝕕."

I am not the last person, I am simply not even on the list. Delete me.

There is only a few days left of pride month can this wait.

I said nothing.

That is a shame because being vague is ninety percent of my personality. … I will be incredibly generous, though, just this once. A little hint, maybe. All you must do is break through my walls and find a way into my heart while I actively resist and fight your every attempt to do so. 👍

“ʙᴇ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ɢɪʀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴛᴀʏ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ.” ᴀʟʙᴇʀᴛ ᴡᴇꜱᴋᴇʀ ᴜꜱ ᴀʀᴍʏ/ꜱᴛᴀʀꜱ/ᴜᴍʙʀᴇʟʟᴀ/ʜᴄꜰ ᴘʀᴇ ᴍᴀɴꜱɪᴏɴ- ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ/ᴅʙᴅ ꜱʜɪᴘꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴄʜᴇᴍ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴏᴘʀɪᴀᴛᴇ

I feel privileged that almost all the gentlemen in my life come pre-leashed.

No? Shame. And here I thought we had something special. Like a lab rat and the incinerator. Inevitable, you know? Like fate. Ahh, simple man. Boredom is a good thing. It means you are not scared or worried or angry or sad. Being bored is a privilege!

Oh, Leon. It is very fair. Maybe you will understand one day. Maybe even before I die, for real this time. Good luck!

No, no, let us talk about you. It is my favorite subject. Do you think meditating would give you too much time to think and lead to a mental breakdown? Or would you just get bored? Hmm. Much to consider.

And yes, the blood is normal. If you attended a single one of my academic conferences you would know this.

You must understand, I am both a fool and very stubborn about my foolishness. So no, I do not have my inhaler with me.

‘How did you like this substitution?’ I did not, Door Dash. I did not like it. I did not like it in a box, I did not like it with a fox. How very dare you.

… Low carbohydrate tortillas? What do I look like, a cheap whore?

@praedulcis.bsky.social “Ah— ha, ehem— Yes, ma’am-?” ( 💭; Focus, idiot— No danger..? No danger. Miss Willows doesn’t seem the aggressively angry type, so this is MOST likely not an actual attack… Ay, even if it was, a woman taking charge? Ah… If she kills me, I’ll accept it happily.)

I think using the term ‘smash’ for sexual escapades is very American Violent (™️) , by the way.

@flintlockshot1998.bsky.social “Well..! Good evening to you too, miss… Do you mind if I ask— Is the casual display of strength a threat or a flirtation? No wrong answers. I am flexible.” ( 💭; Physically, I can overpower her for long enough to escape if necessary. She’s armed, more accessibly +

// and also here too bc im a hoe.

I support women in STEM. I just specifically do not support THAT woman in STEM.

Christopher, worry not, I would never reduce your beautiful sister to a one night stand. I would probably text her back. Most likely. Maybe a few years later but I’m sure I’d circle back. Probably.

Coffee, drinks, dance, whatever catches your eye— I am available to encourage and occasionally fund terrible, but fun decisions at your leisure, Spitfire.

// too shy to like any of yalls so im doing my own . bc im a little BITCH

I would like it to be known that the spine is, eh, how to phrase it… A finicky bitch. Pain is information. I have been informed. Therefore, shut up.

I don’t think it is physically possible for you to worry less about anything, ever. Have you tried meditating?

Oh, now that’s a fun way to kill time and your belief in humanity’s goodness. If you see my name on there anywhere, ehhh, no you did not.

The majority of adult life is paperwork. It does not get better. Good luck!

Calm down, calm down, it is nothing infectious or harmful to anyone but me. Stand down, martyr.

There is no good place to cough up blood, but I have discovered the worst place. An auditorium full of virologists. While speaking. On stage. So, I would like to be euthanized as soon as possible.

Yeesh.

Imagine being married. That’s embarrassing. Lol.

// fuck this petsmart i want to banter so BAD

… I turned away for a moment. That was my mistake.

…. Which Leon can I ask about whether you have piercings or not??

Listen. These ‘Claire’s’ stores are, at minimum, a BSL-3 situation. I will remain with the same amount of holes that God gave me.

I would like to state for the record that I have absolutely nothing pierced and, preferably, will keep it that way. Sterile environments are hard to come by these days.

Bone-us points— Ay, no, I’ll stop before I get dragged away by the ear.

Eheh. Aquatic sasquatch. Let it be known I am utilizing utmost self control not to make a joke about it being both hairy and wet. I think I deserve some credit for that.

See, that I agree with. I do not need anything tickling my vulnerable feet or grabbing me and eating me or whatever Loch Ness nonsense happens in Missouri lakes. Like an aquatic sasquatch or something, I am sure.