"I'm building this feeder in my garden to see if I can attract more birds" *two pigeons flutter down* "keep moving dickheads"

is the history of UK politics from 2024 onwards just the leader of a right wing party expressing horror at the new right wing party that has come along and split their vote, and so on, all the way until the Cannibal Holocaust film franchise stands a candidate in the 2028 London mayoral elections?

Every single time it seems like the US is on the verge of signing a peace agreement with Iran Netanyahu ramps up the war with Lebanon.

Everyone's an influencer these days

I like how we're already on the "will exceptionally popular PM Andy Burnham call an early general election unlike that idiot Brown" stage of the fantasy politics.

To overly excitable people in my timeline I'd just say I've an elderly friend who has bruised and discoloured hands from, I believe, the Warfarin he takes and has since I've known him and he's almost 83 now and he drinks *a lot*, unlike Trump, and he barely walks for exercise, let alone play golf.

There was an age, perhaps you could name it after Ian Botham, where you could blame any old stuff on being hacked and hoped the media just moved on. That era, for a certain type of person, is clearly over.

You'd think London would be the last place Spiked would hold a summit but of course they do because, despite everything, that's where they all live (apart from Lionel Shriver who currently lives with her collection of UVF mugs in occupied Donetsk).

Reminded of the arguments me and my boss used to have about the whole Pareto's rule thing where he would tell me that 80% of a task could be done in 20% of the time and I would ask how you define a task except by the time it takes?

If I were Rachel Reeves I'd be taxing those nicotine pouches things out of existence. Drives me bonkers that in 2024 they're a thing.

On the basis of my walk round town I'm not sure the north west has the wardrobe for Kolkata weather

The Holy Ghost in the Machine?

I would say what I thought about the wider awareness of Peter Murrell's self confessed crimes but it seems a legally unwise thing to do. But I will ask: how many SNP types have been done for embezzlement now?

Just like a surfer hearing about the waves breaking further down the island this could be the big one: the day 4 whole loads of laundry get washed and dried in the back garden. History in the making.

Something I relearn every summer sitting out under the gazebo as it gets dark: hedgehogs are incredibly noisy.

Seeing Manchester Piccadilly chat in the timeline and reminded of when the plan was announced that Eurostar would come into Kings Cross and they hadn't cleaned the area up yet. Anyway they did sort out Kings Cross. Less so with Manchester Piccadilly.

And you have to do everything behind a veil of ignorance that means you don't know what role you actually have in the factory.

Lose the social media and this is a perfect basis for a Curb Your Enthusiasm storyline. Larry is overheard attacking the latest Star Wars movie to Richard Lewis and this causes huge issues for Cheryl who's hosting an environmental fundraiser at their house. Guest star appearance from Carrie Fisher.

Repost with the Russian agent that spies on your posts

If I only had this tweet to go on I'd guess Trump was making pretty much the exact same deal with Iran as Obama did

And the losers from this episode are still walking back home to earth

Now the football season is over we can all finally concentrate on the official UK summer sport: welly wanging

My assumption is there are far more affiliated members but they are less likely to vote in a leadership election. Do we know if that is true?

"Dear god don't pay any attention to the tweets, can't stress that enough, they're just a thing y'know. It's just like, er.. what's the Farsi for kayfabe?"

I'm sorry but 2017 simply doesn't seem 6 months away from being 10 years ago.

You get nothing for a People's Princess - not in this game!

Get settled in one of them zero gravity chairs right in the shade and then the sun moves and I have to get up, move, and start all over again. Thanks very much Galileo Galilei!

I don't warn to alarm anyone but Aldi has run out of pink wine

Moved the entirety of my house into the garden and will at no point in the future have to run out there at midnight and start bringing it back in because it's raining.

If you're a white dude, born after the second world war, and living in South Yorkshire, then that swastika tattooed on your arm may not actually be a Buddhist peace symbol

I don't want to suggest that the Americans don't know what they're doing but surely a month long ceasefire just benefits Iran via the added pressure of the Hormuz strait being closed for yet longer?

One of the things I've taken from the recent success of Angine de Poitrine is, as a longstanding idiot, I had no idea the music was microtonal and that if you just present good music without labels suggesting it might be "difficult" people will lap it up regardless.

I don't fully buy these figures but happy to share them if only for the contribution they make to the should the Greens/Tories stand here debate.

The proposed valuation of SpaceX is partly based on rapid reuse of rockets. They're looking at the same craft doing multiple launches a day. Obviously fiery explosions on landing disrupt that narrative somewhat.

Congratulations on your wedding Don Jr. Sorry for distracting your Dad with this important work.

When in decades to come people ask what Starmerism was the children, bright eyed, will answer back as one "The hope of free Arsenal on my TV"

Fairly sure Paul Krugman is wearing the same Uniqlo Airism sweatshirt as I am today and now wondering if despite the youthful, cosmopolitan marketing the actual consumers of their clothes are unsexy middle aged men who make/watch economics YouTube videos.

Currently willing to vote for a party that thinks the paywall for watching football isn't high enough. Surely this is Polanski's position or is he too terrified of upsetting his core base of Dulwich Hamlet supporters?

Feeding time for the cats who both wait until the other has stopped eating before wandering over to their bowl and eating what they have left.

Listening to a podcast with two people talking about why a writer known for a certain type of output got involved with something seemingly dumber and they're coming up with all sorts of complicated reasons and I just want to lean into their studio and say "Money. He did it for money"

In Britain today you're never more than 20ft away from someone with a candyfloss flavoured vape

Ukraine says it hit Russia's Sheskharis oil terminal on Black Sea reut.rs/4dnRWFi

Kindle Direct Publishing is mad isn't it? I know someone publishing a book using it and they approved the second proofs on Thursday and my copy of the finished product gets delivered tomorrow.

Decided I'm going to become one of those people who moan about how hot it is. It's my identity now. It's who I am. Every year I go to a convention for people like me in Athens in August and we spend 4 days complaining about the heat.

This is an enjoyable kicking to watch. Does feel like SpaceX is the business equivalent of Saudi's The Line. Huge sums of cash, hype and hope that eventually gets derailed by the unfortunate reality that physics exists: youtu.be/IHD8BDFYyGI?...

I think a by-product of Space X's plans will be the militarisation of space. As more and more strategic industry gets housed in space we should expect states to look at ways to damage those used by their competitors for e.g. defence purposes.

Unbelievably the 12 year old has bagged her first credit with a special thanks on a just released big studio game. Rumours are that I'm jealous and have been ignoring her since this happened. Couldn't be further from the truth! Just that our diaries haven't been able to make a meet-up happen.

Imagine being so despicable and hated even Donald Trump won't turn up to your wedding. And he's your dad.

If you’re interested in consequential by-elections there’s a book of them - I wrote the chapter on Mitcham 1923, Labour’s first suburban victory. www.bitebackpublishing.com/books/britis...

The BBC are pitching Makerfield as "one of the most consequential by-elections in British history" and instinctively that doesn't feel correct to me.