Wow likely spam is in love with me

do you think the people shoving a camera up my asshole will care if I shave my legs or not

I really don't see the problem with regenerating Bond just get David Tennant to do it everybody is always happy to see him again

Always forget the journey to the Air Canada gate at Heathrow is like an Esher painting.

On plane to London flight attendant gave me some napkins whispered you have some crisps in your hair

In Málaga at restaurant owned by Antonio Banderas waited forever for a table HES NOT EVEN HERE

Drew you a map you got no excuses

My BFF helping me get my leather pants off after the club

@thehornesection.bsky.social Asked for dairy free milk in a Spanish coffee shop and the barista recommended pea milk. I think you already know my verdict. He was delighted and I took all the credit sorry

omg just found a chin hair moments before boarding an 8 hour flight how am I supposed to sleep now

If I had the confidence of this person using a repeating gif as thier corporate email signature I could rule the world.

Looking at commercial like oh that food looks good then see it's an ad for pepto bismol

If my neighbor and I can hear each other screaming at the Jays through our open balcony doors that's kind of a date right?

Just had to do 5 no thank yous to get fortune teller away from me the 5th was with firm eye contact now im scared she put a curse on me

Everyone googling "Robert Redford young" and pausing on that pic with the mustache I see you

Shipping Colin Farrell and Reba McEntire put it on TLC

These guys are telling me I can't add Colin Firth to my Fantasy Football roster because "he doesn't play football" um hello it's a fantasy?

Last night my friend's son poured the au jus for his beef dip on his side salad because he thought it was vinaigrette anyways he's off to university today good luck x

The pashminas are ready

TO THE WINDMILL, TO THE WALL

I don't like the term middle aged, I prefer to say I'm in my Rum & Raisin era.

It has my name on it but it it not all about me. Jen Pawol is the first woman to serve as home plate umpire in MLB history, and I am here for it, too.

google ai results are like the debate me guy

What

Me looking at Mrs Doubtfire going oh I didn't know Remington Steele was in this

Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry on a date is something out of Mad Libs.

Worst person at the Cyndi Lauper concert is asking why only girls get to have fun.

Mammogram tech remembers me from last year and that is going straight on the online dating profile.

Love to see the beautiful Canadian countryside by train ❤️❤️

That would have never happened at a James Blunt concert.

There's no sarcastic jerk off motion emoji?

More like grokkk

My boobs are so sweaty I could cook ramen in my bra.

Eternally struggling to spend $27 to avoid $4 in shipping

house so hot I'm walking around with an ice pack wedged under my boobs is this sexy

Love is Blind except the guys give foot massages instead of talking

finally did my laundry and now it's underwear christmas

A fool and his money are having fun leave us alone

A guest wore this hat and now coworkers are all pretending they don't know what a butthole looks like

Naired my legs for the first time in a month and it was exactly like Neve Campbell at the burn doctor in The Craft.

"Fuck, it's only Tuesday?" ~ Me, every fucking Tuesday

Listen I just want to eat my green beans and watch my game shows

So excited it's finally warm enough for sandals then man in the elevator said so you're one of those ladies that have perfect feet

Can't tell if I am watching The Rehearsal or having a really weird dream?

Ugh that should have been us being swept in the conference final ~ #Leafs fans

5 min late to work because it would take a strong man came on and I was needed for the backup

gave myself a black eye dancing to hey mickey without a bra on

Love a girthy asparagus

Walk into my pharmacy like Norm walking into Cheers.

eye doctor says I have stigmata but he didn't even look at my hands??