Literally so hungry I started meowing Disregard that I've had two meals already today :/

I was just told, despite being sick and basically surviving solely on dramamine and ibuprofen for weeks now, that my mother would be upset with me for throwing up because it's wasteful. I sure do love it here :) - Anastasia

Getting really frustrated at my lack of bruising. I'm literally hitting myself in the same spot with a hammer hard usually multiple times daily and there's absolutely nothing there like fucking seriously this is why cutting is superior at least with the mess comes the relief of scars

In a very "everything bad that's ever happened to me was my fault and completely deserved" mood today I really need to just. See my friends again. I miss them. But I've been sick with various ailments quite literally all month. I don't know if I'll be better by the time they're meeting up in may.

Problem of the week: Still nauseous, low fever, eyes feel like they're gonna pop out of my skull, and something in the right side of my throat is painful and slightly swollen I've been sick literally all fucking month can I get a break

Feeling perhaps the worst I possibly can right now, incredibly agitated and miserable, made to stay out in the living room to make sure my siblings don't break anything. I just want one day of being left the fuck alone. Can't even get that.

Maybe I should die

Love is patient Love is blind Love is beautiful Love is kind A terrible though has crossed my mind I wasn't loved Just seen as "mine"

Every waking moment a curse No dream worth suffering

I really miss them still. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal.

Burn away my soul, this rotting infection only grows No cure, no remedy

Don't you feel it? Beneath your skin? Pulsing. Writhing. Rotting. I can. It's not mine. But it is.

How do I not have bruises I've been hitting myself with a hammer

I can live one more day. It's always one more day. The thought of anything past that begins to overwhelm. So, I live for one more day. And one more day. And one more day.

I really wanna just do it already to live is to suffer :/

Not moving on purpose here Last time it got this bad, it progressed to barely being able to walk I hope that doesn't happen again

Peoplentend to act like they love me sooooooooooo much Itd really quite alarming Im like really trusting usually and its easy for people to hurt me But like im notngonna stopbtrusting people Ive been dowj that road Its cold and dark andnsmells like ass and lotion

Okay I'm fine now Well Not fine Not at all But I'm shutting up so there's that

Anyway I just wanna fucking die and be held while I pass away and I should at least be allowed that small fucking comfort but nobody will ever love me enough to even come near me so I might as well just find a roof and jump

I look back on my life and typically think very little bad's happened to me. That's just a lie I tell myself. I've been raped at least 3 times in my memory by my older brother, physically abused by him to the point I flinch and panic when people move close too quick, something happened that makes me

I wish I had someone to hold me while I died

I've felt completely dead latelt Everything is numb I think it's time for me to go But I don't know if I have the strength to do it

Still alive but it feels like you killed me

Was really hoping I wouldn't wake up today tbh but here we are

Had to choose between the pain of not eating and potentially worse nausea so I rolled the dice and lost

I don't remember what caused this probably either I was really upset about something or something in my brain got pinged idk

Things that make me nauseous lately: Being hungry Not being hungry Sitting wrong Needing to use the bathroom Being tired Not taking dramamine Taking dramamine

I definitely have hallucinations but 90% of the time it's a toss-up between that and future sight bc the shit I hallucinate just happens immediately after anyway The other 10% it's inhuman creatures For some reason I cannot comprehend, frequently slenderman

I miss them There will be another Another will hurt me I will miss them too

I cannot comprehend it

Once there was nothing Once again there will be nothing

I'm gone gone gone gone gone Nothing is real Reality is a lie Everything repeats Nothing ever ends Nothing begins Nothing ends I see the past, the present, the future It's all the same We are halted Even death would not save us

They should invent a way to starve without feeling hunger ever

Instead of getting any better I should get worse and worse until I kill myself I think

Oh yeah I didn't kill myself btw just haven't been cutting much I should tbh

Think I gained weight, went to the doctor and was ok the scale, my body completely empty from laxatives + starvation, and was still nearly at my recorded current weight. Fml

I want Rapé 🥺

Small chunks of my day are missing from my memory, I have a random burn on my finger, and I'm less tired than usual. Whoever was fronting didn't even post at all or if they did they didn't tag it as them. I don't like when the memory loss multiple people disorder causes memory loss and unpersonhood

Love only comes in a bottle of pills and rolled up dollar bills

Lotta calories today, but I'm feeling better and able to eat properly again so it was hard to control myself

Should have some medicine that'll help me out tomorrow which means I may be able to cut again soon I hope yippeeeee

Everything feels like it's been tilted a few degrees to the side but I know that's like psychotic??? Idk what's going on anymore. Still feel god awful but tbh I'm more concerned about whatever this is now.

Am I this sick because something is physically wrong with me or because I miss them that baf I genuinely don't know

Almost threw up, it was gonna be BAD bad I could feel it. Head hurts. I'm fuckkn dyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiiing

I need a scale my weight is known only by what my typical weight is for all I know I could be heavier or lighter

Just read their name in my calender and just about threw up from stress. I seriously am not handling this whole being separated thing with any amount of wellness, but I know it's for the best and I probably couldn't go back to them now anyway so I've just gotta live with it.

Had my meal for the day a bit early but ehhhhhh whateveeeeerrr It was really small. Guessing about 300 maybe 400 calories? Maybe closer to 500? Not good at judging that yet but it shouldn't have been much. Chance I end up eating again tonight, but I'm gonna try not to

Ate about half the portion size of a big meal I usually eat and am just as full. One serving size is supposed to be 1/6 of my normal portion but that's bc it's meant to be eaten with rice which I hate the texture of. Anyway point is I ate less and am proud of that

Haven't eaten yet today. Not gonna eat much when I do. Feels like I'm dying though =_=

@deathbefore.bsky.social I would appreciate if you would stop. Anyone involved with paperskin at that time already knows what they said and did. You do not need to intervene and by doing so in places your intervention is not asked for you are deligitimizing my experience by making it an annoyance