Have we considered summarily executing a large crop of old people? Just put up a pickleball court and a Gatling gun.

stepped outside for a vibe check and saw a beast fuckin hauling ass towards Bethlehem

Cheadle a fucking boss

Hubba hubba

Without quote posting there is no Talmud

What do they win?

Pickin’ boogers/for nasal gleam Flickin’ boogers/fun supreme Who cares where their arc doth end When yer pickin’ boogers With yer best friend

The NYT crossword is too easy

Never forget that this woman couldn’t even get into Cornell

If Darth Vader was a woman, half the internet would celebrate her for not letting children interrupt her career and the other half would want to fuck that helmet. This is the word of the lord.

“An Appreciation of the Packaging of Philadelphia Cream Cheese,” by me, an unhinged psychopath.

Man I’m watching The Fugitive, which is so good.

Aw Gladys girl get a life

Be projected, god willing

He’s a photographer so he only reads it for the pictures

Me, fucking

Did anyone else know that Joel Silver invented Ultimate Frisbee?

Sideshow Bob

The stupidest thing I’ve seen at work recently is the rejection of the word “master.” It’s not a master ticket, it’s a primary ticket. The politics of Late Nite with David Letterperson.

I was in junior high, dickhead

If I win the Powerball tonight, I’m giving all of my friends just enough money to fuck up their taxes this year and force them to pay dramatically high estimates next year.

From the bottom of my heart I pledge to thee, I never want a fucking notification from an Aura frame

I don’t know what everyone’s problem is this movie looks great

I would like to date the Fire Witch

It’s beginning to look a lot like Bitchmas

Enemy of the State: Barry Pepper! Jason Robards!! Jon Voight!!!

A good time to remind everyone that my favorite Nabokov novel is Pnin

What the fuck

Golf is better than almonds!

Sending a carefully written email and then immediately going to the Sent folder to read it "from their perspective"

You could say he narrowed his Scope

Closing in on Tony Scott completionism boxd.it/c5zlb1

HOT RATS

She was a mother with a personality only her children could love

Fellas you know what I mean

I don’t care if he’s a Nazi, “Late Registration” hits like a motherfucker

Jewell was cravin’ johnson, that’s why she got married

Hubba hubba, Diane

Wow boxd.it/bYu6th

Hamnet remains the stupidest sounding name ever. I bet Shakespeare’s kid got fucking roasted.

All I wanna do is play golf

I bet it does

Space is the place for croissants. You’re weightless; you have a zero gravity tummy.

Hell yeah dude

Whoa, nelly. That’s a shot of memory.

For the first two sentence I thought this man was reminiscing about Skoal.

Postprandial

Love when Busta forgets his patter on the backing track