I’d quite forgotten how low and wide US public toilets are, with the water so close to your arse that it’s pretty much acting as a bidet as well. And then there’s the weird gap between the door and the rest of the cubicle. Thomas Crapper would not be happy with the design.

Remember when Southampton signed Ali Dia, supposedly George Weah’s cousin…

A free what??? Bit weird.

Fucking mental end to the game but probably the best result for #avfc

Fred Church to the rescue for Liverpool?

This is the kind of pettiness I can get behind.

Spring has sprung early, in Leeds #abandonedshoes

Dougie and Bailey both played well, but we lacked invention and urgency in midfield. Too often we went down the left, then back to Konsa, then to Cash on the right. Frustrating as hell, but credit to Brentford for defending resolutely #avfc

Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. Make the extra man count #avfc

Fred Church has come on for Liverpool

Did any of the commentators from last night go with: “They think it’s Alobah… it is now!” #avfc There’s a freebie for your next article on him @matkendrick.bsky.social

Remember how Martinez kept launching it upfield during the Newcastle game? That was both refreshing and effective. Now we’ve reverted to fannying around at the back with the ball #avfc

Villa hamstrung in so many different ways #avfc

Probably over-simplifying things somewhat, but don’t people from the Basque region hate Real Madrid due to the club’s historical links to Franco etc #avfc

Upon seeing this headline, my first thought was ‘All aboard the Vengabus.’ Or should that be ‘Wengerbus’?

At this point, I’m convinced Adama Traore is attempting his own version of ‘Doing the 92’, but he’s signing for clubs rather than just visiting their grounds.

In the space of a few hours we’ve gone from having zero players that are any good at penalties to having two that are pretty reliable. We just need to be awarded some, now #avfc

Alicia Lehmann joins Leicester and Dougie rejoins us. 🤔 #avfc

Lolz. I’ve always called him Nick Mashitter too #avfc

Shame Harvey Elliott didn’t get any minutes today, but, looking at the table, he’s probably thinking: ‘It’s fine, Arne. I’ll take my chances and stay put here.” #avfc

As much as I don’t like Arsenal, I much preferred it when Yanited were shit.

Lindelof and Mings just instil calm throughout the team. A brilliant performance by everyone. So professional and mature. Even Bailey looked fit and up for it. Ollie had a stinker of a first half, but credit to him for persevering. #utfv #avfc

Let’s just not have a defensive fuck-up on the first 5 minutes, lads. Cheers. See you on the other side #avfc

Genius.

“Hey, Siri, define ‘lump it up the big man’”

When exactly did we start ‘recycling’ footballs?

The Stoke manager looks as much like Jamie Vardy as Regis Le Bris looks like Chris Coleman. Follow me on my nonexistent YouTube channel for more insights like this.

If they’re having Guessand, we’re having Adam Wharton as well as Mateta. Fair’s fair #avfc

Finally seen Unai’s interview. He seems to be nearing the jaded stage of his employment that most of us experience. His frustration is likely due to PSR and the other financial constraints, whereas mine usually arises from dealing with inept and arrogant project managers #avfc

Never mind Tammy, bring him home

Some people will be alarmed by the second sentence, but that’s basically how I feel at the end of every working day.

I’ve slept on it, lads, and the defeat yesterday was on me. It’s retribution from the footballing gods for attending Anfield the day before. That it was Everton that beat us only reaffirms this #avfc

Still prefer Digne to Maatsen. Digne isn’t as quick, obvs, but is far more composed. Maatsen is good at bombing down the wing, but his touch and decision-making are poor. I have no idea what to make of Guessand, and nor, it seems, does Emery. He’s a trier, for sure, but PL quality he ain’t. #avfc

Tielemans is class, btw. In case you weren’t aware #avfc

Fred Church has just come on for Liverpool

Quite possibly the best b-side ever made. A fantastic opening line by Richey Edwards, and a soaring guitar solo that perfectly showcases James Bradfield’s (underrated) talent as a musician: m.youtube.com/watch?v=OimJ... ‘Put some lipstick on At least your lies will be pretty…’

You fear for Liam Rosenior

Fred Church has been substituted.

Inject it 💉

Did you know that Danny Welbeck’s dad, a South African, used to be a bomb disposal expert? His name is Stan. I’ll get me 🧥

I’m going in. Really looking forward to reading this.

That’s the biggest upset in Macclesfield since The Macc Lads released ‘Sweaty Betty’

“I do not want you to sign your name with an artistic flourish. Do it mechanically, side to side, so your name becomes unrecognisable and you are no longer the player you were when you agreed to join us.”

I under if Haaland gets Captcha notifications like this

Yeah, it would have been nice to win it, but it’s a point against our bogey team so I regard it as progress. Also, let’s look on the bright side. We’ve got Spurs and Everton (presumably without Joe Grelish now) next #avfc

I wish the prick with the drum would shut up. He’s worse than the bloke at Portsmouth with the cowbell #avfc

Ugh. theonion.com/man-returns-...

When is the adjudication panel back, @footballcliches.bsky.social? This use of ‘top, top’ needs some serious dissection