I have started keeping notes for my games in a real leather notebook thing where I scribble stuff down and then cross it out. David Lynch would be proud. (I’m left-handed and I decided I would use these field notes notebooks in a left-handed fashion. I typically don’t do this but it rules.)

the best thing about my mini- psychotic break is that I started buying stuff I wanted more instead of seeing something I really wanted and not buying it cuz be real we could all die tomorrow and I want that purple fidget toy so fuck it

I realize I haven’t released a game in so long. It’s because for the last 5 months I’ve logged 400 hours in Game Maker Studio 2 trying to learn how to program. And I’ve gotten so much done on Desideratum in that engine. So much about the game has changed. And I really understand code a lot more!

Strange Jigsaws felt like an IQ test and a therapist all at once @flebpuzzles.bsky.social

I can't believe that I am able to play video games on my own now - for a long time my executive dysfunction prevented me from playing games that I was even excited about and lately I've been able to play a lot of stuff I wanted to play.

I can’t listen to vs Susie without crying, I’m not even like a rabid Toby Fox fan (i could give a dissertation on what he gets wrong) but something about thinking about a little girl who is neglected and learns to bite anyone who gets close to her makes the little neglected girl inside of me weep

watching a lot of Celeste content now. finding out quickly that the trans fox girls are goated???? big if true

have you played that new extraction/match 3 shooter? what about the nonogram rpg monster catcher? omg that Balatro suika game is sooo good! and I can’t forget the rogue lite detective sokoban!!

thinking about Him today...

thank you thank you thank you exactly what I saw in my head

Wolverine lying in bed but my face on top and he’s touching a photo of Roulx Kaard

it’s been 10 days since I had that panic attack. I am still worried my life is ruined because of what I felt during it. honestly it was the most traumatizing thing that’s ever happened to me. I haven’t been eating right or taking care of myself very well. it sucks. no idea how to fix it.

hey no like actual spoilers but anyone think deeply long and hard about the chorus of Raise Up Your Bat and how it parallels something in a possible version of Chapter 5? anyway I screamed when I saw it

dollars like sandpaper, round out the edges of the shards of glass of life. cash like a telescope, to see sour stars, black sand. money covers over the cavities in my molars. blinders of bills on the sides of my eyes to block out the burning of the rest of the world.

we started chapter 5 of Deltarune today at exactly 10am. It’s now 5pm. I think we may be near the end. it’s as long as 3+4 together and there’s a good reason why. no spoilers obviously but got DAMB.

if you asked me 7 years ago what games I’d love, they’d all have been puzzle, horror games, JRPGs. now I’ve beaten games like Dark Souls, Disco Elysium, Animal Well, and Celeste. while my favorite genres haven’t changed much, I think I’m way, way better at critical thinking and patience.

there’s a lot to love about Environmental Station Alpha but there’s also a lot that’s punishing hell. there’s a mechanic much like the “infested” stuff in Hollow Knight where at the point in the game I’m at there’s just like constant bullet spam and it’s very frustrating. I will soldier on.

I want my game to have the Celeste voice chirp so badly but I have no idea how to articulate what it’s called. there’s no overall name for it - voice bleep, chirp, bleeps, etc. I know there are guides out there but I am not using Unity. lol on me

it took me days upon days of stopping and starting and making a little progress and then stopping again. there was a room I thought I’d never be able to beat and I took 3 days off before coming back and finishing the game. and then in the end the game told me I sucked. ah well.

computah delete all the Persona 4 queer discourse from anywhere I may look for the next year

I’ve reached the third layer - video about real events told as real events (documentary) - video about an ARG told as real events (summary) - video about “real events” that are not real but not an ARG (unfiction?)

sometimes I remember I’ve never done a cartwheel in my life and I get a weird feeling in my stomach

ok but to be deeply personal the panic attack I had on Sunday actually may be having deeply lasting personal ripples as I spend every waking moment hoping it doesn’t happen again because of the existential nature of what happened

I’ve been playing 15-30 minutes a day of both Celeste and Environmental Station Alpha so I don’t get too frustrated and I’m consistently making progress in both kinda wild that when “game piss off” I can take a break and come back ??

as a game developer, my hardest hurdle is "abstraction in gameplay." when I think up a task, the only way I can think to do it is by "doing it" - for example, when I needed a player to make coffee, I could only think of the real ways to make coffee. fill up coffee maker, pour water, press button.

stop making art!!! there’s too much art!!!!! shhhhhhhhh don’t express yourself because everyone else already did it already you goober!!! no more art. go look at Sunday in The Park, it’s all full up in here

having a panic attack about growing old and dying at the air fair where there’s a guy in a bee suit trying to call me over to try some apple variety

any time I think even for a fleeting moment that I can’t figure something out I remind myself Toby Fox coded Undertale and I can do it too

just beat chapter 6 of Celeste and I think maybe I’m not going to make video games any more because I don’t think anything I’ve ever done has ever been even remotely good and so why try anyway have a nice night everyone Celeste is a good game

there’s a bit I like to do where when I see someone and I hate them I say “hold on, I’m killing them with my mind” and close my eyes, but part of the bit is that I need to see their face first like it’s death note or something

the intern in this meeting at my software company just said “lowkey” and I almost lost it. five minutes later the gen x lead said “wonky” and everything balanced

oh no I’ve already started seeing the discourse about the plot lines in Persona 4 and I know it’s going to be even more annoying in 2027 when people continue to insist readings of the characters that actually erase the point of these stories!!!!!!!

90% of AAA game is either disappointing, too expensive or morally compromised meanwhile there’s like five hundred beautiful indie games out there every day that are like ‘what if we kept making quake but with a half life gravity gun’ or ‘what if there was a new Power Stone but for homosexuals’

So when was someone going to tell me Celeste is a horror game?

Silent Hill: Celeste Mountain

amazing digital circus rules, I love clowns

every SHINee song still makes me feel some kind of way when the keys drop to the ground during the Atmos MV and they represent the boys and there's a special nod to J, sometimes when I listen to the songs I wonder which part he'd sing if he were there

if breaking bad is death note, better call saul is crazy ex-girlfriend

I hate designing UI and I hate everything about it. every time it causes me to become the joker

happy pride to some of my favorite bisexuals (I'm including Aigis even though I think she's pansexual but she still deserves to be here)

I know "kill your darlings" isn't a new concept but every time I get to some line in my story where I'm like "man this is cute and clever but it's not working" I think to myself "goodbye, little one" and delete it

“NOW I AM REALLY COMPLETELY AWAKE (1ST TIME). PATIENCE.”

We finished it with the 14 year old and they have told me BCS is their new favorite show of all time. Their favorite characters are Kim, Mike, and Jesse. And I'm super proud of them.

this week I'm going to find out how much surgery I need and how much autism I have. I think it will be "a little of each," but it could be "none of each" or "a lot of each."

been weeks of just not feeling good physically. had a bunch of appts, a CT scan on my sinuses, went to the ER on Sat. really scary. learned getting a CT scan with contrast feels like you're literally peeing your pants. had a migraine with aura for the first time in a few years today. but I lived.

just used the Google search AI Overview to get instructions on how to get the Google search AI Overview to stop showing up

don’t think I’ve posted any of these, and there’s more I’ve done that aren’t these - the lenticular circle puzzle took forever and was extremely hard but so fun, all the pieces were color shift

all modern media is just Xanth over and over again -- but I have to step back and realize that in a way Xanth is just X-men. I should use X-men as a more accessible metaphor. only freaks will get my Xanth reference. all modern media is just X-men over and over again.

ok before I got distracted by Balatro Gambit AGAIN I was actually coming to post that I found out today this dude is "no longer with the company" and I have been enjoying my new role so much that I really just think good things happen sometimes

I stopped what I was doing this morning because I thought of this and I needed to make this