Mum thought I’d like some cheese cubes. These are the cubes. I can only assume she thinks I’ve turned into a baby gerbil. Understandable, as my whiskers are quite long.

A number of you (that number being zero) have asked what I want for Christmas. After no thought, I have no idea what I’d like, and while I don’t wish to seem ungrateful, I have made a list of things I most definitely do NOT want. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Trump, much as it pains me to say, did a good thing in the Middle East. Getting the hostages freed and hopefully ending the genocide in Gaza deserves praise. It wouldn’t have happened without his intervention. I won’t even comment on it being a “new biginning”.. Tit!

A Trump word salad if there ever was one. I genuinely have no fucking idea WHAT he’s wittering about. Neither, I suspect, does he. Enjoy… #Trump #TrumpIsAnIdiot #TrumpIsOnTheEpsteinList

I have a positively stunning headache today. I feel like someone’s dropped a moose on my head, while simultaneously smacking me in the face with a cast iron skillet full of rancid weasel droppings. How’s your day? Don’t answer.. it’s rhetorical.. I couldn’t give a shit! 😉

Afternoon! Muzzy head today. Feel like it’s stuck in a pelican’s bill and won’t come out. Anyone willing to come and punch a pelican in the face?

Devastated.. saw Ozzy with Black Sabbath at Download 2005/Ozzfest. They were utterly electrifying, & Ozzy was one of my metal heroes. Fuck, without Sabbath there would BE no metal.. they were pioneers of the genre with Ozzy as frontman. RIP Legend x 🤘🏼

Happy Birthday Mummy Bun! 86 years young today, and ten times the energy that I have! She’s amazing for her age.. she’s an extraordinary mother, and has done so much for me, especially since my stroke.. even if she is slightly daffy, and her Bun’isms are the stuff of legend!

My head feels like 15 wildebeest are having a competition to see who is the loudest wildebeest in my skull, while 329 other wildebeest cheer them on in the audience. I have an unusually large head. And a larger headache.

Took a chance on a repeat of a series called Rev that’s being shown on BBC.. ended up downloading & watching all 3 seasons from iPlayer. What a delightful series & very true to life, even the absurd bits. Highly recommend if you’re in the market for some ecclesiastical comedy!

Apologies for the distinct lack of tweeting, swearing, and boring you shitless with endless tedious updates about my migraines. It has been an unpleasantly stressful few weeks, with depression kicking my magnificent arse even more than usual. So that’s been a treat indeed..

My head feels like I have the entire percussion section of the Coldstream Guards rehearsing in my head, meanwhile, there’s a whole bunch of dicks outside with leaf blowers, lawn mowers, hedge trimmers and the Saturn V space rocket. I might have made the last one up.

Seems appropriate to finish the day off with a nice piece of cheese. Only have a block of Red Leicester, as I forgot it was my birthday when I did the shopping last week, but that’ll do nicely.

Not a bad birthday, all things considered.. some lovely cards, some nice pressies, some quality Doctor Who this afternoon, visit from Mum and the youngest Bun Jr. Yeh, all in all, a half decent day. And a bit older with a few more grey hairs and absolutely no additional wisdom!

When is Trump going to get HIS shitty products made in America? His hats, ties, watches and other junk are all made in China. Even his wife was made in Slovenia. Badly, I might add. #Apple #Tarrifs

Oh fuck. It’s my birthday in 6 days. I frigging hate birthdays with every bone in my body. But, if anyone wants to send me cake or pie, I wouldn’t say no. Hi. Ollie’s diabetes here. No cake or pie for Ollie. Send him lovely, healthy kale. He’ll like that.

Over on the hellsite I’ve unlocked a new achievement. Must have been something I’ve said… 🤔

Just finished watching Terror of the Zygons, one of my personal favourites and a story that holds up exceptionally well. The Zygons look so much better than their modern counterparts. Cracking story that I haven’t watched in a good while! #DoctorWho

I have a headache, which is highly unusual I know. I feel like I have 26 woodpeckers attempting to bore through to the centre of my brain to see if they can nest. So that’s a treat.

Honestly went into this weeks #DoctorWho safe in the knowledge that the episode was going to be bloody awful. Got that well and truly wrong! I absolutely loved it! Freddie Fox was a bit weak as a villain, but Miriam-Teak Lee was utterly phenomenal! And the cameo.. well then!

New specs! Do I look sexy? No? Alright then.. 🤓 #GorgeousOllie #YeahRightLardass

Not saying I have a headache, but I feel like I’ve been hit in the face by four albatrosses, a Canadian goose and a Marks and Spencer frozen turkey.

Loved, loved, LOVED this weeks #DoctorWho! So vivid & vibrant, with a rich story & some delightful nods to the past that sent shivers down my spine. And a joy to see “someone” again, even if her timeline confused me even more than I was to begin with! Beautifully woven episode!

Dear @Bluesky. Please build an iPad app, because trying to use the piddling phone version on my iPad is seriously getting on my norks. Ta muchly!

Coming out of a four day migraine. What a fun four days they have been. Felt like I’ve had an irate moose trying to learn to speak ancient Hebrew in my head. So that’s been fun. Down to moderately fluent Ukrainian speaking Guinea pigs now. So, every cloud..

Has been a couple of days of solid migraines, which is been a delight and a half. Fucking stupid brain! And I’ve finally had an eye test, which was long overdue & was delayed further by the bloody stroke and diabetes diagnosis. That’s enough to give me another bloody migraine..🤣

Rest in pieces, cracked tooth. For the best part of 50 years you have served me well, chomping at everything from lettuce to steak. Now you reside in a dentist’s bin. A somewhat ignominious end for such a trusty companion. But I am no longer in pain (for now), so farewell.. 🦷

Jesus was unavailable for comment. Happy Easter, bitches. Sincerely, Donald Jezebel Trump.

Happy Easter from your favourite Metal Muppet!

I’m not sure how to take this. I mean, it’s an unpleasantly good likeness.. 🤣

I’ve been referred to as a Muppet more than once in my life (hard to believe, I know!).. So I’m embracing my Muppetness, in all my fuzzy glory.

Still in fucking agony. My dentist told me they can fit me in for an emergency appointment.. in three WEEKS. After pointing out I can’t eat and can barely speak, they told me to go back to 111 (who I’ve been waiting for since 7pm). Ah well…

Oh joy! Cracked my damn tooth or dislodged a filling. Can’t really tell, but it hurts like hell & I can feel something flapping about in there. Positively excruciating if I poke it. So probably best not to poke it! Trying to get an emergency dentist but that’s like pulling teeth!

How the fuck is it quarter past four already? Who stole my day? I feel like I’ve achieved absolutely fuck all today. Mostly because I’ve achieved absolutely fuck all today. Ah well.. it’ll soon be bedtime. Every cloud and all that shit.

And delighted with this I am! It’s something I shall keep forever! Highly recommend Jay as an artist!

@sirmichael.bsky.social should enjoy this tweet, for as I recall he showed a particular interest in purchasing one bucket (blue), even bidding as much as £1.02 (final offer). Is that worthy of an OCB?!

Finished making my bucket list today. Two. I have two buckets.

Currently watching Tom Baker: This Is Your Life, and really rather emotional. It’s hard to express just how much I love this eccentric, wonderful man! And we have a lot in common. He worked as a nurse, as did I, he was a monk.. ditto. He acted in She Stoops to Conquer.. snap!

This is a hate crime.

Afternoon! Absolutely bloody knackered today, and, just for good measure, I’m as stiff as a fucking board. I have concluded that housework is no longer for me! I’d employ a cleaner, but as I don’t have a pot to piss in, I can forget that idea! 🤣

Results of one test from last week, and finally it’s some good news for a change. I don’t have blood in my poopies. My magnificent arse lives to fart another day!

I’m not saying the CyberTruck’s shite, With panels that aren’t stuck on tight, When driven over a bump, They fall off with a thump, What a sad and embarrassing sight.

No thank you. I don’t like blue cheese and I sure as shit don’t want to try this monstrosity. 🤢

Really hope Marie gets a say in the matter…

I wonder where they get the yeast.. 🤔

Afternoon! Been knocked bandy with a migraine for a few days. Better now, thankfully. Had my stroke review this morning, which went well. They are arranging help with a few different things that I struggle with still. The main one is seeing the memory team, who are..

Grok has a high opinion of its creator and his bestest buddy…

Botox today felt like 342 agitated tarantula hawk wasps had been neatly arranged inside a trilby hat, jammed on my head with not inconsiderable force, while someone shouted “fuck you, wasps” repeatedly, just to piss them off a bit more. How’s your fucking day, like I give a shit?! 😉

Ooh, Botox day tomorrow. I need that like a hole in the head. Or 31 holes in the head.. 👀