Wow. Just fucking WOW. This is the real www.hud.gov page today

Silver linings: thanks to Trump wanting to occupy Portland, I learned that Oregon's AG is really hot.

The biggest mistake the left is making right now is thinking Trump's fascist moves are to distract from Epstein. It's not. It's all laid out in Project 2025. This was the goal all along. It's not just trump. It's hundreds of people placed strategically through the government and military.

Anyone want to put up signs at the Oregon Guard base on 224 that say "obeying illegal orders will not go unpunished"?

I was wondering why people were talking about Amelia Earhart. Of fucking course it's the stupid orange fascist pedophile felon false messiah running his stupid fucking mouth again. Imma sue KFC and McDonalds for not doing what they're supposed to do to someone that lives on their food for decades.

Anyone else notice that mass shooters didn't start engraving bullets until the regime needed a scapegoat?

I really wish Kimmel had brought either Ministry or KMFDM on as the music guest last night. Both have fantastic anti-trump albums.

The totally trustworthy FBI says the ammunition had anti-ICE messaging engraved on it while firing at the detainees instead of the officers. No reason whatsoever to question this.

You can't blame the elevator. It was told to only expect 280 pounds.

God canceled the rapture because he didn't want to be anywhere near you either.

Customer: "I'm looking for a hybrid queen mattress for under $200." Me: "I'd recommend Craigslist. Look for one with a description of 'my grandma died on this mattress and wasn't discovered for 3 months'."

When trump separated families in 2016, thousands of kids went missing from custody. At the UN today, Trump claimed Biden lost 300,000 immigrant kids. "They're lost or they're dead because of the animals that did this." HE'S THE MOTHERFUCKING ANIMAL THAT DID THAT!

Sorry boss, I can't come in to work today. If the rapture happens while I'm driving, I might get killed by a suddenly driverless car on the freeway.

I wish your religion was real. We could actually make America a free and prosperous country if you all fucked right off the planet tomorrow.

Something Superman got wrong: "Something liberals and conservatives can agree on: Lex Luther sucks." Lex is basically Elon mixed with Stephen Miller. Maga would love him.

The next SNL cold open should have each cast member, in turn, criticize the regime and immediately get swarmed by masked "agents" who drag them off stage before the sound effect of a gun shot is played. At the end of the cold open we get a "tech difficulties" screen for the next hour and a half.

If you stand against fascism, you stand against trump. Now, anyone that speaks against the orange fascist fuck will be labeled a terrorist.

The people calling for Brian Kilmeade's firing from Fox are making a major miscalculation. If Fox fires him, Trump will hire him. Do you really want that nazi fuck actually having the power to start murdering homeless people?

Just a light lunch. Miso noodle soup with shrimp and lobster balls

Miso chicken and veggies with cucumber salad. Slap your umami good!

Goddamnit. I just thought of a joke so over the line, posting it on the internet would DEFINITELY bring the Secret Service to my door. It's going to drive me nuts to not say it. Maybe I'll put it 9n a t-shirt.

The most fucked up thing about the Charlie Kirk situation is that we got confirmation that trump transferred over $1 Billion to Epstein over the years. Too bad no one has asked Mike Johnson if it's normal for FBI informants to pay their targets so well.

Trump wants Kirk to lie in state because he can't lie on the internet anymore.

Where do i collect my winnings?

My conspirqcy theory: Kirk was killed by the regime. Both for his epstein criticism and to enforce the "violent left" lie to justify more troops in liberal cities and justification for eventually declaring martial law to stop the next election

Heard a commotion outside. Looked up to see a car going the wrong way down a one way street. I'm thinking "how the fuck do you not notice all the cars, signs, and stop lights are facing the wrong way?!" Then I saw the plates. Washington driver. Of course.

Kirk used language designed to induce fear which overrides the brain's ability to use reason and common sense. He lied and gaslit constantly. This is not "practicing politics the right way." It's what abusers do to their victims. He was a common sense rapist at best.

I'm watching old Good Eats episodes. In the egg episode, Alton is talking to an epidemiologist and we get this exchange: "You probably work for some shadowy govt agency." "Well, the CDC isn't exactly a shadowy agency." "It is now" I thought very loudly. Thanks, RFK Jr.

The "empathy is satanic" people sure want your empathy for a dead nazi all of a sudden.

It's weird how the right thinks no one on the left owns guns until a nazi gets shot, then they think we all have guns.

My money is on "he was a MAGAt that was upset Kirk wanted to move on from Epstein"

Do you cry for a tumor after it's been removed? Yeah, neither do I.

Wait... am I supposed to feel bad about a terrible thing happening to a terrible person? I'll work on that and get back to you.

I think aliens are trying to communicate with me through my calculator

Gas up another 10 cents today. Wtf is going on?!

Remember when trump killed a bunch of Venezuelans in a boat, committing an act of war and a war crime simultaneously, and then declaring it's "time for regime change" in Venezuela? Why isn't the press digging into this? And why haven't they reached out to Venezuala's govt for a response?

Gas prices in my area have shot up 40 cents this week. This is the period where demand drops and prices drop with it. There's been no news of crude oil price spikes, so wtf is going on? Besides oil executive greed, of course. I thought the orange fascist false messiah was going to make gas cheap.

When owning the libs is more important than owning your business

"Can I get you a drink?" "San Peligrino?" "I'll have to get someone else to serve alcohol. I'm not 21." "Uh, it's sparkling water."

He's threatening war on an American city. Tell me again how "both sides are the same" and "Kamala would be worse." Actually, don't. If you actually believe either of those things, just remove yourself from civilization. You're too stupid to remain among us.

Old and busted: "everything causes cancer." New and improved: "everything causes autism."

Matt Dinniman nails the anti-vax movement flawlessly

Im starting to think Trump is jealous that he doesn't have a boat after a second report of people being murdered for being in boats this week.

Guns are the number 1 cause of death for children in America. The left: "do something about the guns!" The right: "make infectious disease the number 1 killer of children again!"

MTG said trump should meet with the victims. Remember how he treated Zelensky? And you want to put him in a room with the victims of a scandal he's at the heart of?

So...we're just moving on from trump murdering 11 Venezuelan nationals in international waters without any evidence of the claims he's making? The same claims they made about Kilmar that were completely bogus? Venezuela is Trump's Poland.

Im actually a little surprised Trump's conveniently timed military fly over didn't include a harrier jump jet hover demonstration directly over the press conference

So all that hype was just to tell us he's moving the Space Camp for Big Boys headquarters to Alabama?

You know how I know he isn't dead? He would never do something that's good for America.

Breakfast of champions