The roller coaster ride that bout of anxiety took me on last night has really not set me up for a wonderfully charged morning. Just an observation lol.

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, or Marvel, Disney Animated or Pixar

Imagine *this* being the match to fall asleep on.

I made homemade soup from scratch (made the broth and everything) bought some rolls from the store. 🙃 I forget that I’m not in the south anymore. A lot is wonky down there but the rolls were gonna be delicious

Me struggling to wake up every single day of the week. Snoozing twice and dragging. Me on a Saturday: woke up before my alarm would’ve gone up. Totally alert. Thinking ab just getting up and doing some work but I live in an apt and it’s still quiet hours. I need a house bc I could practice now…

It’s been a week and I’m tired of crying already. 😖

I usually switch right to Christmas after Halloween but I think I’m gonna just let it all breathe for a bit. I doubt it’ll happen but I’m thinking I can maybe trick my brain into not associating all of this grief with holiday stuff.

Mood: youtu.be/RbvmFs5ELaY?...

Guy I dated last year died…I texted to check on his family and found out. I’m really in a bit of shock. It wasn’t the only thing I found out but it’s all a lot.

My child wants me to reach out to Jack Black to let him know that we like his movies. I said I would see what I can do but idk how to do this and actually get him to see it/respond😂

My kiddo said “hi and I like the comments. I like that you’re really nice.” (From a mama, thank you all for being so nice to my kiddo!)

My child said to tell my friends hi and goodnight, so hi and goodnight yall!

I told a lady I was gonna bring something to the office for her and then she said something like “is it good in the hood?” And I scrunched up my face and looked at her and said “what??” She backpedaled but I don’t care bc why did she say that? Just kidding I know why and yes she was.

Not D’Angelo. Wow.

I asked if he wanted to reschedule and he didn’t respond so I said I don’t think this is gonna work. We talked ab it. Im bummed bc Im interested but I can’t keep on someone just to meet me. We live ab 25 min apart. At 3 wks if we haven’t met I can’t force it. 🥺

Plot twist I looked up the restaurant for something. They’re closed on Monday. I mentioned it but then I suggested another place I’d driven by that looked neat (bonus for a lunch menu) and nothing 🦗🦗🦗 Will this date actually happen? No idea.

Scratch that…it’s a dressier outfit. He’s gonna wear dress shoes and a collared shirt and slacks…so I ll go with some heels and then idk ab the rest yet lol

I have a date Monday idk what to wear. I’m growing my hair out and can’t braid the long part bc my hands are too sore. I can’t wear it out bc it’s supposed to be a deluge all day. Hair wrap, makeup, something casual enough but still sexy but just enough…I’m not liking how I look lately

I was wondering why I’m so tired but then I looked at my sleep info from my watch and I’m up for like 2 hours in the middle of the night sometimes. These nightmares are kicking my butt.

Back when I was married my ex’s Dr told him if he couldn’t tell when he was stressed to ask me bc I could tell before he could. But then everyone would be so rude to me when I was anxious or hyper vigilant as if that wasn’t the reason that I learned all of the things he did when he was stressed.

Me thinking ab the veggies I just bought to juice bc this damn headache

I never stopped. That’s one of the reasons I’m not gonna probably bother dating. I would have to trust a new person to be careful so I will be safe and when I was married my own husband acted like my very real illnesses were the biggest inconvenience for him. I doubt a new person would care.

My kids were mean to me for the first time this weekend and I cannot stop crying. This is easily one of the top 5 most hurtful things that’s happened to me as an adult.

I want to start a book club, a knitting club and a group to do yoga with. I don’t know anyone though so it sucks bc that’s as far as I can get with those thoughts.

I almost never use pumpkin but I LIVE for these spices. I substitute sweet potatoes for pumpkin on a regular basis.

My. Head. Hurts. I have some sort of headache most days. Some days it’s sinus pressure. Some days it’s tension/posture from driving. Some days it’s a period/migraine. Sometimes it’s eye strain. After I fell my backs been sore. My tub is not long enough for me. I. Am. Un. Comfortable.

Met with someone I was hoping to be friends with. It was just a barrage of m*croaggress*ons, st*ereotypes, and wild comments. Absolutely not. Sigh.

It is a very wild thing when all of your coping mechanisms are unavailable. I used to run, do yoga, hard workouts, play music, spend time with friends and literally none of those are available to me right now. It’s a weird feeling.

Ooooooo. It was a very tough day.

My head and neck hurt and I cannot find my excedrin and my kids are arguing and I have to get ready to drive somewhere. And. O. My. Gosh.

Al Green. Definitely.

How can I talk to a person at the irs? The computer keeps hanging up on me.

I did not ever watch this show but THIS is the kind of nonsense I enjoy. He said take cover and I was so confused because it’s not raindrops in the sky like what’s that gonna do? Idk but I’m probably gonna start watching it to find out. And yes, I’ve seen every sharknado. Why do you ask?

This is all absolutely bananas.

My child thinks I need to make a video response for my professors. “You should make a video and give them some feed back. Tell them it’s going great just…maybe…a little too much homework” *immediately returns to coloring*

I think I have a group project due tomorrow. I haven’t heard anything from my group so I emailed my prof for clarification but I have to finish it tonight bc I have to work tomorrow and it’s due before I get off of work bc my schedule for work is messed up. I’m stressed. Bad.

This part! The library has so many resources. I know a lot of ppl think of books first but there are programs, the library of things, cultural attraction passes and usually other stuff that is location specific! From recording studios to 3d printers and telescopes!

It’s almost fall. My favorite season. I need to make holiday menus, shopping lists for gifts, start practicing holiday music, check my playlists, and decide to try a pair of socks for socktober even though I do this every year and decide I need a different pattern…

My toxic trait is that I will still try to practice the piano with certain injuries. There’s this part of a Mozart sonata that I could play when I fractured a finger in high school that I tried to play and alas no. Hahaha and my fingers are all sore from the fall.

I want to play my instruments but I have to change my bandages and clean my elbow and I don’t want to do that so I’m procrastinating and now feeling panicked bc

There’s something I love about the fall and switching between premier league soccer, college football and the nfl. I’m committed to settling on a team from the premiere league this year. It’s almost fall 🥹

It’s been 2 yrs since my divorce and I was listening to that Leontyne price aria, reading ab copyright coaching as a music librarian and BAWLING my eyes out. Things are not as good as I would’ve hoped yet but I am so hopeful and I am SO. HAPPY. And just immensely grateful. 🥹😭

I was always at the piano. There’s a picture of me at 2 playing. I remember the 1st time I heard Beethoven’s pathetique (I knew I would play it and I do) la palomino blanco (tango) and ravel’s bolero. I regularly listened to gospel, classical music, r&b, jazz, al green, it was always just present

Gershwin’s “rhapsody in blue”. Live, recording. Whatever. I cry so hard it’s almost embarrassing. Also leontyne Price singing “Che il be sogno di Doretta” from La Rondine.

Private dancer. I was like 3, taking ballet. Convinced that this song was also about a woman who was a ballerina. 😂

There’s a specific sound that immediately makes me drop my shoulders, take a deep breath, close my eyes and smile. I heard it all the time from the playground and from my backyard. So I’d be on the swingset, head leaned back, eyes closed, the sun on my face, gliding thru the air. Happy and free🥹

One thing that has been obvious to me is that r*cism is not a deal breaker for a lot of ppl and that to me is bananas.

@revdaniel.bsky.social I’m so glad to find you over here! I’ve missed your posts and your doggo!

Drink a hot copy of tea with some sugar and creamer. Sometimes I get actual cream and scones to go with it but regardless a cuppa is my go to.

Continuing to power through. It’s horrible. I don’t usually do it but sometimes when it gets really tough that’s the only thing I know to do. Just keep swimming and cry your eyes out at stop lights/in the shower etc.