7yo has just started pronouncing “perfect” correctly, replacing her former pronunciation of “perf-tict”. I miss it already

Sharks, what I’ve got for you today is a new month that doesn’t suck to replace the end of January and beginning of February. It’s called Jabruary

Me: *searches for inflatable hot tubs once on Wayfair* Wayfair: *emails every 42 minutes INFLATABLE HOT TUBS BIGGEST SALE EVER until heat death of the universe (which, not gonna lie, feels like it would be a good time to have one)*

NPR interviewer: And how would you describe Green Day for those not familiar with the band? Interviewee: They're classic rock. Me:

Oh, I see my third or fourth favorite seasonal Olympics is starting

Told 6yo the old joke: "Pete and Repeat are on a boat. Pete jumps out. Who's left?" She'd already heard it. But 10yo immediately threw down with: "Pete and Canyoutellthejokeagain are on a board. Pete jumps out. Who's left?" 5 stars. No notes.

Me: I’m really looking forward to March Madness this year. Them: I didn’t know you liked college basketball. Me: College basketball?

10yo’s dentist told him today that he only has two baby teeth left, and they’re both loose. Anyone done anything special for the final tooth fairy visit to their kiddo?

Punxsutawney Phils throwing some shade this year, so I guess more winter of our dis content

Happy January 32nd, everyone. The January will continue until morale improves

I too would like to be far away from earth right now

For her birthday, we relented to months of asking and let 7yo watch Kpop Demon Hunters. The movie and its music will now be the only topics of discussion in our household. Please keep us in your thoughts during this golden time

Iron-ic

we lost a real one today. rip lobster lady

Little Dribblers basketball working against math lessons with each game having anywhere from 2 to 5 quarters

6yo, after briefly helping with one (1) clean-up task: Why does it feel like I’m the only one doing the clean-up?

6yo really manifesting getting a cat

Scrolling the news right before bed… Now I lay me down to sleep, When I wake, I’ll prob’ly weep, ‘Cuz every day in recent past, Has proved dumber than the last.

Couldn't care less if Thread has a billion users and Blue Sky has 1000. I just need a steam vent where I can release whatever dumb jokes and observations enter my brain without contributing to the financial success of Musk or Zuck. Give me 2-34 likes on every one of these and I'm good.

Kids’ observational skills when comparing items received: HOW COME THEY GOT 42 POTATO CHIPS AND I ONLY GOT 41 ?!?! Kids’ observational skills when trying to find their shoes that are in the same place they always are: DAADDDDD, WHERE ARE MY SHOESSSSS ?!?!

Ah yes, they call this heifer wisin’

Gary Larson: In my cartoon I invented Cow Tools as a cautionary tale Cows: At long last, we have created the Cow Tools from classic newspaper comic Cow Tools

I recently learned that the number of Baha Men fluctuates. There have historically been as many as 18 Baha Men. As of this date, there are nine, ten, or eleven Baha Men depending on what source you check. Even their own website is vague about how many Baha Men are currently in the Baha Men.

The kids had a fight a week ago that led to them each requiring the other to have a “room pass” to enter their bedroom. Now these are traded regularly for goods and services. They accidentally invented money! Gonna take on the role of the central bank and teach ‘em about monetary policy

Little Dribblers basketball is the platonic ideal of little kid sports chaos (complimentary)

Not now, mysterious bar-shaped cloud of iron inside an iconic nebula. Read the room!

Old wise wolf to young wolf: There are two Wooly Rhinos inside you…

Could whoever has the remote for 2026 hit Skip Intro please?

Wicked awesome. Remahkably good job. Only a few errahs youtu.be/FhC76xAq7oE?...

6yo added eyes and named it Stapleton

That can’t be right

Took our kids to the site of our first date (Grendel’s Den), just about 20 years later. Insane time warp feel

*pulling up to 6yo’s Little Dribblers basketball blasting Rock N’ Roll Part 2*

No, *YOU* restarted Golden after the kids got out of the car at school and blasted it loudly and maybe sang along with a few parts of it and then got a little embarrassed when I, I mean, YOU drove by someone you knew

What I said: Ok, kids, time to go brush your teeth What my kids heard: Ok, kids, time to drop, spit, splash, and spatter as much toothpaste as you can on the sink, counter, and floor

*dead of winter – everything is cold, quiet, and dark* *ATTENTION!!! SUMMER CAMP REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN, REGISTER NOW NOW NOW, QUICK LOGIN TO THE CAMP EZ-REG PORTAL TOO LATE NOW IT’S CLOSED & EVERYTHING IS FULL YOU’RE TOO LATE* *dead of winter – everything is cold, quiet, and dark* #parenting

*BREAKING* You've made it through the first Tuesday of 2026

2026 is like the open ocean extending ahead of us

Many people* said it couldn't be done. Others** said it would be a complete disaster. Still others*** wept openly. But we did it. We survived the first Monday of 2026! Congratulations! * You and I ** Also you and I *** Yep, us again

“And to think you had a 6-hour meeting on the Monday the whole time.” “All the days are poisoned. I’ve spent the last several years of my life building up an immunity to all day meetings.”

Getting ready to face the first full week of a clearly batshit crazy 2026 tomorrow like

Really? An eleventy trillion dollar social media company can’t build an algorithm to prevent a notification like this?

Updating all my passwords for various accounts. Gonna do 5 a day, so I’ll be done by *looks at list* April 2028. *decides to become hermit*

Getting ready to face the first full week of a clearly batshit crazy 2026 tomorrow like

I’m a Bay Leaf truther. They don’t do anything. It’s a fraud perpetrated by Big Bay Leaf

Weird dream: Adam Sandler was going door to door aggressively pushing his new series of romantic comedies called “Bread 0” “Bread 1” “Bread 2” and “Bread 3.” He was in our kitchen (which wasn’t our kitchen) and adamant they be watched in order

The date is January 1, 2042. Summer camp registration opens at 6 am for the summer of 2067

Happy New Year, everyone! May 2026 be a better year. (Here’s the video from our 6th annual neighborhood ball drop.)

Bro, do you even turn into gollum when you find an overlooked piece of peppermint bark in the back of the drawer?

This furniture store bookshelf display goes hard