watching blink twice was a Little tough tonight esp bc of the brutal flashback sa scenes but the fact its a revenge movie too makes it super cathartic

me now ive set up the treadmill

taking da bus :) she can and will be loved and appreciated

my best friend said she'll pay 40$ for me to get an uber from a station an hour from her house just so i dont have to take Another train. but what if i take said train and dont tell her bc i love her and dont want her spending so much money on me

this was a bad idea bc it reminded me of all the Other Trauma

so tired and need to travel 3 hours on ptv today, oh well

huh, didnt realize i had blood all over the corner of my shirt

no care. none. i dont. i hope i get disembowled somewhere

do you know. how much i dont care anymore.

not allowed to be happy or have things unless i absolutely tear myself to shreds. need to keep a box cutter on me at all times now <3

tore the shit out of the drawer under my bed as well. its all wood and wouldnt come out bc i thought it was blocking the pen underneath so i just ripped it out and the fuck apart

was so manic and excited over the end of s2 of arrested development bc of how good the episode was, was gonna draw but then my apple pencil slid down the side of my bed and i couldnt find it anywhere. so i just grabbed a box cutter and slit my leg and arm open ferociously

"London Life" - diverse and rainy #London #Art #Painting #Acrylic

Illustrator Francisco Fonseca (Portuguese, born 1994) "From the Balcony", 2025. Mixed Media, Drawing and Watercolor. Private Collection. #art #painting #artist #BlueSkyArt

silhouette looks like someone trying to get the most out of their toothpaste

LOVE

Margaret Preston (Australian, 1875-1963) Aboriginal Flowers, 1928 Oil on canvas 53.6 x 45.8 cm Art Gallery of South Australia #Art

GOOD NEWS MORE SOLAR FARMS MORE FOXES

thinking of turning to alcoholism bc it makes me giddy and happy and probably the only thing that makes me Feel happy atm

it just keeps creeping up and everything feels hopeless

i probably will kill myself one day tbh

waking up is a chore, living is a chore, dedicating myself to breathing is a chore when i already cant fathom being

the anxiety blossoms continously until it gnaws at and eats away at my muscles and brittles my ribcage. its cold and suffocating and all consuming but wah wah its only anxiety

im a parasite

every day is getting harder and harder

they were already sick but as soon as they met me it exploded and they began vomiting blood

people get worse when i get happy

hghghghh i.

they started getting sick because they met me

the way we connected and spoke to our great aunt again and its like nothing happened. its like nothing happens and you can still connect bc family is forever. or whatever.

them: oh its okay, id rather be alone at the hospital atm me: i overstepped my fucking boundaries by asking if they were sure they didnt want me there. im annoying them by messaging them. im annoying them by sending literally anything rn. theyd rather not have me there bc im a fucking loser

can the person i like stop vomiting blood and stop being deathly sick thatd be rly nice

scraping by, really

simon just wants to live and survive. just make us make it through each day. but we all dont know what we want. that was supposed to be my job and i failed that too

rin wants something more. she wants to throw us back out there, bc we're so used to damage over and over anyway

dissociating all the time. feel fake bc i like somebody and it makes me happy but its not all the time.

and im just not. Not remembering a lot. Kind of being a slug. I feel like a yeerk most days

feels like a pathetic little girl who kept failing over and over from day one. spending so long trying to forget who we were only for it to all come back and destroy the future we planned to make

have spent the last few weeks reliving the roots. flashbacks, and then having to spend a day and a half with our family talking about the past

kiruko is....pretty much me tbh

back to using whatever name and tone suits us.....

tired and depressed all the time

i dont want to live like this

ill cope. ill be fine. rin can go cry. she can manage her own existence like the rest of us do. even if this goes bad i dont want to keep on hurting or reliving this shit through random old men

i dont want any of that. keep the fuck away from me.

fuck rin. i dont want this.

steven universe brainrot