Idk what the rpm is on my microwave, but it’s not a whole number somehow 🙃

Not me, looking longingly out the window, waiting for my true love* to return from war *summer

*hangs my ass off the side of the bed* you know, a little snack. For the monsters

New way to report cars parked on the sidewalk just dropped

Current status: Flibbertigibbeting

Work is giving away a ton of old swag and has about 1000 battery chargers sitting on a table. Every single one looks exactly like this 💀

First cup of coffee this morning was actually a batch from last night 🤮

*taps slowly plays in the background*

Dear democrats, You don’t have to resign because you don’t support impeachment! Resigning due to a fake scandal or just faking your own death works too

Anyone else remember when laws mattered and were enforced? When we arrested people for things like murder? Those were the days amiright

You’d never guess he loves walks 🐾

Just made an appointment and they ended it with “you are set for 11 am at 9” and now I have no idea when the appointment is 😭

80% still there is good enough

Call me or beep me if you wanna reach me If you want to page me that’s cool but it’s 2026 now get with the times

It’s like the stock market in here 📈📉📈📉

Why have we not invented cool ranch infused weed yet?

Searching my computer for an app I have installed and the results don’t include that app but they do include: App’s website App’s browser extension in Arc App’s X (the everything app) page App’s chrome extension THE OLD APP VERSION I DONT HAVE INSTALLED Some random file

I can so I will

MUMIMO

My body is a machine that turns vague ticket descriptions into vague llm prompts

Running like 50 software updates on my work computer this morning after putting them off as long as I can

Nice

Oh my dog I have to work Monday 😩

"but how else will i know if my posts are good?" you cry, dejected "no posts are good, fling them like shit in the zoo," the guru chides

9 pm covfefe lfgggg ☕️

Down to just 3 boxes left from my move! 📦 (I moved in April)

my new year's resolution is to be nice to myself, bark more, and be more of a dog wuff

Yesssssss 💁‍♀️

Starting 2026 right 🤤🤤🤤

Hate being such a morning person I just wanna sleep in 😭

Who’s ready to party! 🎊

Ending 2025 the right way (ate a subway footlong)

I’ve finally made it

Spent the last 2 days taking down all the decorations 😭

The wind is windy

I have successfully survived another watch of A Christmas Story Til next year 🎅

Merry Christmas from me and mine to you and yours 💚❤️

OMD Marquette!!!

What do you mean I can’t be a dog at your Christmas Eve party? Why would I even go then???

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals

RAWR 🦖 MERRY CHRISTMAS

Cinnamon rolls are in the oven; coffee is made; jo**t was smoked Now time for some video games and the laziest day of the year 😊

On my last work day before the holidays, I just want to say Me dog 🐶

LAST WORK DAY OF THE YEARRRRRRR

My body is a machine that turns coffee into code and shit posts

Reminder to all my corporate girlies that these next 2 days aren’t real and you can just do whatever you want Like wear purple paw shoes to work 🐾

My safe word is “orange” as in “orange you glad it’s not purple”