As I was saying…

we should put the jackass guys in charge next

big vibes i love you gravy

happy cinnful season to those who celebrate

alright who has opinions on youtube tv i guess i have to cancel hulu and disney

reminder that every major corporations website has a contact form page ♥️

this is disgusting and i am worried for every comedian

blood for dinner

I wish trans people could just live their lives without all this SHIT. I’m thinking of you all the time. Sending all my love.

was there a karen before kate gosselin? how did the haircut and bad personality not get named after her, the ultimate karen?

back in time kill baby who will invent artificial sweetener

i’m sorry jaylen warren you will never rot on my bench again

no no no you misunderstood. I said “fuck YOUR feelings”. MY feelings are very important and must be handled gently, like a tiny baby hummingbird

bagel angels

thanks everybody i feel better!!!!! it made me cry a little bit how well you guys know me thank you for caring about me xoxoxo

hello i need a serious pep talk

it is interesting which types of terrorism we’re supposed to remember for 25 years and which types are happening right now but we’re not supposed to bring them up

wow! i don't know which emotions to feel about any piece of news anymore

It is possible to hold both of these things true at the same time: 1) political violence is never an appropriate choice in a civilized society 2) Charlie Kirk’s dream is to create exactly the kind of society he currently lives in, as spoken from his own mouth

hello it is world suicide prevention day, this year's been a little touch and go for me but here i am and so i can share this! love you all, please take care of yourselves and check in with your loved ones often, and please please please reach out for help as soon as you need it <3

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

NO BOSS NO MASTER'S - GOT A SHIRT OF THIS ONE AT dashare.zone - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

did everyone enjoy their wonderful secret today?

🎶what the world needs now is another fucking jackass movie🎶

An Ode to Benadryl

Taurus: The last thing you’ll see is Grimace’s face.

tua my love, my light, why are you doing this to me

i heard in the next pat mcafee update they’re finally fixing the screaming glitch

original gillette didn’t survive two world wars for me to use something called “pink petal shaving crème for her”

you know how the coyote was just constantly getting crushed by falling anvils and never learned his lesson, that's me checking my AP headline notifications

hey don't say "whom" or "whomever" to sound smart if you don't actually know how to use it!!!!!

🐥If this Senate hearing with Bobby "The Quack" Jr pissed you off, send a message: Quack-O-Gram delivery begins on 9/15🐥 🐥 $3. Man in a duck suit. Rubber duck with "impeach the quack" message to YOUR Rep🐥 Link: www.standupforscience.net/quack-o-grams #ImpeachTheQuack @standupforscience.bsky.social

does anyone have a lobotomy guy

it's going to be so funny to watch them try to divide up his assets

thank god for pop punk if we’re being honest

i am THRILLED by this post

thank god my brother moved back in, the brita pitcher always had too much water in it while he was gone

me: googles if any good news has happened today google: michael longfellow was fired against his will

memo: in light of the constant horrors we will be listening to brand new again

one jay per titty as the good lord intended

@jesseduquette.bsky.social nailing it as usual

This has been the tweet that always resonated with me, and here we are yet again, where thoughts and prayers will be the only thing accomplished

⚠️ sad? snl best of chris farley (don’t think too hard about it or you go back to sad)

are you guys all ai

you know what would really bring this country together? if sufjan would man up and write the other 48 fucking ALBUMS

🗣️ leggings are pants

[pearly gates] st peter: *holding out ipad* it's going to ask you a question

unmuting my mic so everyone can hear me hit the bong in this meeting